Title & Chapter Number: Elencálë (The Light of the Elves) 21/?
Author(s): - Author's Index
Fandom: Middle Earth/Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
Rating: NC-17 Romance/Adventure
Disclaimer:
Warnings:
Betas: Many thanks to the beta-ing of the talented Julie!
Cast: Legolas/Shu Lien
Timeline: AU - Post RotK
Spoilers: None
Summary: This story takes place about 100 years after the quest of the One Ring. Even after the fall of Sauron, the foul breath of evil can still be felt on the winds of Middle Earth. Some say it is just the nature of the world, the shadow of the light. Some say it is rising and has once again become sentient. King Elessar rules with a just and even hand, but Men throughout the land are falling into darkness, succumbing to greed, hatred and violence among themselves and against the world. The Light of the Elves departs as the Eldar continue to withdraw to the West, leaving darkness in their wake.
Notes: Thank you to Maisha for the Psych Review! Elves do not close their eyes during Reverie. While I have updated the sexual culture of the Eldar to reflect more modern values (and indeed the fact that I feel that such sensual and advanced beings would revel in such a pass time and consider it natural and pure), the concept that Elves can tell if other Elves have had sex actually is Tolkien's.
A note about Mu Bai: To warn you, if you are familiar with the movie, Mu Bai's psychology is rather an extreme extrapolation away from his controlled, intense, suppression that one sees in CTHD. In this fic, while his surface seems serene, still waters run deep, so to speak. And when those waters are stirred (as we have seen with Shu Lien) the outcome can be tsunami-grade. I want his character to speak to the dangers of suppressing instead of releasing, of ignoring instead of accepting. Hopefully I have created a realistic psychological process for him, and will succeed in relating it along the way. But you'll let me know where I fall short, I am sure! [wink]
Chapter 21
"Ishkahaqwi ai durugnul!" (Khuzdûl - Dwarvish) A plague/curse upon your-necks.
meldanya- (Quenya) My beloved (Mostly they are speaking in Sindarin but Shu Lien speaks this always in Quenya, that is why I translate this and not Legolas' endearments. Okay.. I know ... you don't care! )Shu Lien's steps began to stumble. As the last of the Uruk-Hai realized that they would eventually be defeated, strangely they had fled into the night and the remaining Orc masses, disheartened by the Uruk's retreat, were mostly fleeing instead of fighting now.
Shu Lien's breath was uneven and strained, the thrumming of her blood in her ears drowning out any sound around her. She had held her own in the mercifully short battle, but had received more surface wounds due to her disability and weakness, even with Mu Bai at her side. Disoriented and dizzy, The earth seemed to roll under her feet: . With another stumbling step, Legolas' long knife dropped from her hand and she crumpled to the ground and into a darkness that brought a welcomed respite from the unbearable pain.
Mu Bai reached her immediately, concern marring his features as he turned her over, brushing some dirt and leaves from her pallid face. Falmalinnar was there in an instant, kneeling beside her, his knife drawn and cutting carefully through the torn, blood-soaked fabric of her tunics. Wordlessly Mu Bai stood and ran to where their bags had been stowed and returned with their healing pack and blanket. As he knelt again, the last of the Orcs had fallen and Legolas was running toward them, his weapons carelessly dropped along the way.
As he approached, Mu Bai looked up at him warily. He spoke calmly, coldly in Sindarin. "We need some water. She is our kin, we shall care for her."
Legolas just shook his head, eyes focused on Shu Lien, and knelt heavily beside her.
Mu Bai looked at Legolas in veiled annoyance and was opening his mouth to speak again when Falmalinnar spoke softly, not even looking up from where he was working quickly. "Mu Bai, they are bound."
With those simple words, in that one moment, Mu Bai's world was torn asunder. The shock registered on Mu Bai's usually dispassionate face. "What?" he whispered as he looked incredulously at Legolas. The Elf was aware of nothing but the woman before them. A dark and unexamined anger rose in his chest. He hissed, his voice very low in his throat. "Of all the vile, dishonorable.."
"Enough! Mu Bai, Shu Lien`s injuries are grave..." Falmalinnar interrupted him sternly, and looked up to capture his gaze.
Mu Bai met his Master's gaze, and he quickly came to his senses, eyes widening and dropping to Shu Lien`s broken form. With his gaze still glued to his friend, he brought his palms together, inclining his head. "Master." He whispered and quickly stood to fetch water.
Legolas' had flinched but his eyes never wavered from watching Falmalinnar's hands as they worked over the large wound. As Falmalinnar cut away her tunics to reveal the terrible extent of her injury, Legolas gasped.
Mu Bai brought water, pausing over them with a furtive glance of anxious concern. He desperately wanted to stay with her, but he needed to regain his composure. He stalked away again, worry and fury putting a dangerous tension in his step.
Falmalinnar partially covered her with the blanket for warmth and modesty and surveyed the damage by the jaws of the beast. "Legolas, her wounds are serious, but it is not as bad as I feared. The physical injury does not endanger her life at present," he spoke softly as his hands continued to move, gently lifting the torn flaps of skin to examine, warily prodding, peering. "I believe her ribs are cracked ...and the bone in the arm is not completely broken through, ...luckily most of the muscles are intact. She will again use her arm with little debilitation if it heals properly without infection. There will be many stitches... ah... still she bleeds." his voice was hushed and taut with anxiety.
Several silent minutes went by as he applied herbs and bound the areas where the bleeding continued. "So much of her life has leaked from her! I hope that she has the chi left to heal herself. Would that we were nearer to Rivendell..." he whispered almost to himself.
Looking up he met Legolas' gaze. Tears had welled up and overflowed from his black eyes, and there was so much agony and fear reflected in their depths that Falmalinnar's gentle heart wrenched. "She is strong. If any would survive this injury it is she. Do not fear," he whispered kindly, soothingly. Legolas nodded mutely.
Falmalinnar`s tone immediately changed. "Gimli... I need the fire stoked, these instruments sterilized. Elrohir, Mu Bai... find the horses and pack up camp. Release the pony, it will slow us down now. Gimli will be borne by our horses. Care for your wounds quickly. Light the lanterns and be on your guard." Falmalinnar spoke with the confident authority of experience and competence that left no room for questions. "When Shu Lien is tended we ride... hard. We must rest in the morning, I fear if we stay in one place they will be upon us again this night."
Returning his attention to Shu Lien, Falmalinnar wet and medicated a cloth to begin the long, meticulous process of cleaning. When the cloth first touched the gaping, angry gashes, Shu Lien moaned and her head shook slowly back and forth. Pursing his lips, Falmalinnar continued. Her moans grew louder until her glazed eyes slowly opened halfway, her brow furrowed. "Legolas?" Her voice was hushed and hoarse.
"I am here, my love." He whispered immediately, bending down closer and touching her cheek as she turned toward the sound of his voice.
The instant Legolas touched her, he gasped and drew his hand back involuntarily at the excruciating pain that ripped through his body. Finally understanding, he brought both hands to her cheeks, cupping them tenderly. The pain was fierce and intense; it shot through him and he groaned unconsciously, letting his head loll. Shu Lien shut her eyes and drew in a breath as her back arched slightly and then she relaxed and was silent.
Legolas took a moment to gather himself, trying to breathe through the pain as it dissipated. When he finally looked down at her, her eyes were closed and her face peaceful. Bending to place a soft kiss on her forehead, he removed his hands and took her right hand into his lap. He sat very still and tried to will his strength into her, feeling her pain, drawing it away.
Falmalinnar had stopped cleaning during the exchange, and watched it curiously, his brow knitted contemplatively.
When later Elrohir brought him the fire-sterilized needles and scissors, he asked him very quietly "Are they Tatyafëar?"
Elrohir nodded solemnly and Falmalinnar went back to work, deep in thought. Perhaps her chances at mending were better than he thought.
Once the stitches were in place, the wound bandaged and her arm immobilized, Shu Lien was wrapped tightly in a blanket and hoisted easily up onto Legolas' horse. Legolas wrapped his arms around her, careful of her wounds, and nuzzled her neck with relief, breathing of her scent in the soft space behind her ear as she slept. He was glad to be able to hold her at least. The party rode quickly into the night.
~*~*~*~
Gimli grimaced as he took a sip of the green tea. Spitting out the mouthful, he moved to the campfire to prepare some coffee while he grumbled. He was feeling inordinately ill-tempered this morning, his patience was wearing thin. So much drama! Finally the Elf and the woman had ceased their exasperating pining and bound themselves... and now this. Why was everything so difficult? Where were the simple days of ale, tall tales at the campfire, and banter on the road? Also, is he upset that he had to leave his pony behind?
He looked up from the kettle to Legolas, who was sitting against a tree a short distance away with one hand on Shu Lien's blanket-bound and unconscious form, his head hanging miserably as his other hand idly tormented the blades of grass that grew up from the leaves of the forest floor. Tearing his eyes away from his suffering friend, Gimli renewed his quest for a decent morning beverage, taking out his frustration and anxiety on the pans and packs.
Movement caught his eye, and he looked up from his banging about to see Mu Bai returning to the camp from his meditation. The mornings saw both he and the strange Elf leave the camp separately not to return until it was time to away.
That man was an enigmatic as the Elves. The fury of that battle night had long since dissipated Now he went about his duty with the same dispassionate mask he had worn before, but scarcely said a word to anyone, his wooden behavior souring the mood of the party and increasing the tension in the air. At least Falmalinnar had a decent way about him. He also spoke little, but seemed a respectable sort and at least didn't add to Legolas' burden. In fact he seemed to like him.
Gimli watched as Legolas glanced up and Mu Bai met his gaze with one of barely concealed derision. Legolas clenched his jaw and returned his gaze to his lap, renewing his assault on the plant life about him. Gimli growled low in his throat. The man did not hide his dislike for Legolas in his eyes, though his face held an expression of impassionate civility, the dishonorable wretch! Dwarves preferred the honor of forthright honesty.
Elrohir walked up and put a hand on Gimli's shoulder. "The pans have done nothing to deserve your contempt, my friend."
Gimli just grumbled petulantly and sat down to await the water's boil while Elrohir poured himself some tea and sat beside him. Even Elrohir felt reserved over these last four days since the battle. It was difficult to watch Legolas so obviously suffering, and with every day that Shu Lien did not awaken, his mood only worsened. Along with his health. Her body was drawing its strength from him and it showed in the dark circles under his eyes and the weakness of his stride. Falmalinnar had assured them that she was healing very well and at an incredible pace, but Elrohir also hoped that her eyes would open soon, for the morale of all.
Gimli glanced at Legolas again and then back to Elrohir. "You Elves are a difficult and baffling lot... I don't see why his head must hang like he lost all his gold in a Bree tavern. She saved his life from a arrow -poisoned, no doubt - there is his fortune. She survived the battle, her wounds heal well, there is his fortune. A pack of blessings lie on his back and still his shoulders slump." Elrohir looked over his cup as he took another sip of tea, the mist swirling up and obscuring his unreadable gray eyes. "Well.. don't just stare at me, Elf!" Gimli urged with gruff exasperation. "Make yourself useful, and go see if you can talk some sense into him."
A tiny smile curved Elrohir's lips as he regarded the Dwarf another moment. "Gimli, Shu Lien is right." Elrohir affected a voice slightly higher than his normal timbre "You are a very sweet Dwarf." He then leaned over with an exaggerated pucker to his lips, looking like he was aiming a kiss to the Dwarf's nose. Gimli groaned and pushed him roughly away. With a snicker and a sly wink of his eye, Elrohir stood.
Elrohir approached Legolas with another cup of tea in hand. Lowering himself down beside his friend, he handed him the tea with a sigh. Taking a sip from his own cup, he turned to regard Legolas, who sat with the tea in his lap, one finger tracing the rim, his face expressionless and dull.
"Legolas..." Elrohir began quietly. He could feel his friend's rawness and knew now was not a time for jest. Legolas' eyes finally raised to meet those of the other Elf. "It wasn't your fault, you know."
Legolas blinked at his candor, and then returned his eyes to the cup. "I should have brought some of the Guard from Mirkwood. She would not have survived... we all would not have survived that battle were it not for Falmalinnar and Mu Bai."
"How were you to know? And there are three others of this group who all made the same assumptions. You are too hard on yourself." Elrohir stated matter-of-factly.
Legolas simply shook his head and raised his tea to his lips for a small sip. "I have been so distracted... so worried for her... I should have heard the Uruk approach..."
Elrohir took a deep breath. "If Shu Lien had been attending the battle before her, then she would not have fallen. Do you lay the blame on her?"
Legolas looked up sharply, brow furrowed. "No. Of course not."
"See, you are too hard on yourself. Offer yourself the same compassion that you offer her. She no doubt saved your life from the withering poison of an Uruk arrow. You yourself heal her with your bond. Infection has been avoided and her body mends at almost an Elvish pace. All is well, my friend." Elrohir placed a hand on Legolas' shoulder.
Legolas looked into his eyes carefully for a moment and took a breath, closing his weary eyes and leaning his head back against the tree.
Mu Bai watched the two Elves out of the corner of his eye. He had not the experience to deal with the emotions he was feeling - he had never felt the searing, soul-undermining ache of a broken heart - so he simply pushed them down instead of releasing them. To release them would require that he acknowledge them, and that would be a most dangerous thing.
As many others, he had always admired her particularly among his brethren. She was so strong, so devoted, so restrained. She represented what a Mandarin warrior could achieve. Seeing her lying motionless, helpless, vulnerable at the side of that Elf made him question all of the absolutes around which he had based his life. With a blink of his eyes, he cut through the different emotions swirling in his chest and pushed it all aside. This suppression turned healthy emotion rancid and it bubbled up as a fetid and devious mire of anger.
He focused all of this heat and blame on the Elf. Were it not for him, she wouldn't have fallen. And it was his selfish manipulation in these troubled times of desperation that swayed Shu Lien from her life's commitment in the first place. She had no doubt needed consolation and support to deal with such poignant trauma and he had offered it to her... and much more. Just thinking of it made the bile rise in his throat.
Taking a deep breath he brought himself back to his center and moved to the fire to procure a cup of tea.
The Dwarf sat at the fire sipping his rank morning beverage and staring at him as he approached. Offering a small empty bow of civility, Mu Bai poured a cup of tea. Gimli continued to glower and finally spoke up in his grating voice.
"Master Mu..." he began.
Mu Bai closed his eyes a moment before looking up to meet his gaze. "Li," he corrected.
"Eh?"
"Li... Master Li. Li is my surname." Mu Bai barely concealed his impatience.
"Oh.. ah.. Master Li..." The Dwarf's ruddy beard did not successfully hide the fleeting evil grin. He was being difficult on purpose! Mu Bai cleared his throat in an attempt to allay his rising annoyance. "...it seems to me there has been enough harm done to this party with out these daggers being thrown." Gimli surprised him with the cryptic comment.
Furrowing his eyebrows he affected a sophisticated scowl. "I did not realize such pearls of wisdom were to be found in the dank caves of the Entardar."
Gimli laughed coldly. "Perhaps you would do well to remember that there is much that you do not know about Middle Earth."
Mu Bai took a slow sip of his tea, regarding him with an impassionate mask. "And that fact, some would consider a blessing, Master Dwarf."
"Ishkahaqwi ai durugnul!" Gimli spat, standing and looking up threateningly to the tall foreigner. Huffing, his gaze was drawn to where Legolas sat wearily with Shu Lien, and with quite a bit of effort, he tamed his Dwarvish rage and sat down heavily, still sputtering, spittle getting caught in his beard.
Just then Falmalinnar strode into the clearing, taking stock of the party before him as usual. His gaze lingered on Gimli and Mu Bai for a moment. Mu Bai clenched his jaw and tore his eyes from the incensed Dwarf, aiming a slight deferential nod in the Elf's direction, and moved away from the fire.
~*~*~*~
After packing, the party prepared to away just as the light lost its rosy glow. Falmalinnar approached Legolas, who had already packed his horse. They knelt together at Shu Lien's side and Falmalinnar pulled away the blankets and unbound her arm so that he could remove the dressing. The skin was amazingly almost completely sealed shut. The stitches would be removed in another day.
Falmalinnar nodded in satisfaction and dressed the wounds taking surreptitious note of Legolas' condition. "Her body has almost completely healed, Legolas," he spoke softly, waiting until the other Elf's gaze met his. "Perhaps you should let me carry her today."
Legolas answered quietly. "Thank you, my Lord. But I shall carry her." Falmalinnar didn't miss the slight obstinate setting of his jaw.
Falmalinnar glanced down at Shu Lien's pale face and then back up to the weary, worn Elf. "Legolas, her infirmity drains your chi. You will be of no use to her should you fall from your horse in exhaustion." He spoke quietly but emphatically.
"I shall NOT fall from my horse, I assure you." Legolas' bristled, insulted, drawing his shoulders back with pride and resolve.
Falmalinnar regarded him a moment, his mouth stretching thin with slight and subtle aggravation. He could tell this battle would not be worth it. This warrior knew his own ability and would push himself to its extensive outer limits, but would more than likely acquiesce when it went past that point. He was just being hard on himself. But Falmalinnar was not blind to the fact that Legolas was struggling with misplaced guilt over his inability to protect his mate and his internal need for exoneration.
"Very well." Falmalinnar spoke matter-of-factly and scooped up Shu Lien in his arms as if she weighed nothing at all. "To your horse." As he walked beside Legolas towards the mounts, he cocked his head and added quietly, and not entirely critically. "Indeed, this is an exceptional match. I never thought to find one in all of the Entardar as stubborn and willful as she."
Legolas looked down, trying to hide the small smile that crept across his lips.
~*~*~*~
Shu Lien emerged into consciousness slowly, softly. First she was aware of the loping gate of a travel gallop jarring her body, the sounds of hooves on gravel punctuating each bound. Next she felt the warm arm around her and the solid chest behind her that was moving against her with the motion of the horse and the slow measured breathing of its owner. She opened her eyes to the waning light of late afternoon and blinked several times, licking her parched lips and trying to swallow. She was thirsty. Not moving her head from where it bounced against the shoulder behind her, her eyes scanned before her and she saw Mu Bai as he rode elvish style, one hand entangled in the mane of his horse, the other at his side. It all came rushing back to her and she tried to lift her head.
"Are you awake, my love?" Legolas' gentle voice came from beside her ear, his warm, sweet breath washing over her cheek.
She tried to speak, but her mouth was too dry, so she nodded, turning her head up to try and see him.
"Thank the Valar," he whispered. Leaning over, he placed a soft kiss on her cheek before she felt him lean back, turning and bringing back a water hide from the saddle packs. She tried to take it, but found her arms were wrapped tightly in a blanket. The movement brought a dull pain to her shoulder. Helping her extract her right hand from the wrap, he placed the hide in her hand and uncapped it. She brought it eagerly to her lips - drinking long - refreshing dribbles of cool water running down her neck as the horse jarred her. When her thirst was satisfied, she handed it back to him. "Thank you." she ventured, her voice cracking and rough.
"Dusk approaches and we shall stop and rest." he whispered into her hair. "You have been asleep for five days. We continue to climb toward the High Pass over the Mountains." His warm arm wrapped tightly around her. "You saved my life. Thank you."
"Our lives are bound as one." Shu Lien whispered and melted into his embrace.
Legolas rubbed his cheek against her lovingly before he whispered again in her ear. "I fear I have failed you, Shu Lien. I did not think to encounter such an enemy on our passage to Rivendell. Orc bandits are usually the only threat to this road. Uruk-Hai are never seen this far west. They must have traveled up the Anduin bank tracking our journey. I should have brought more from Mirkwood."
Shu Lien turned her head up and caught his jaw with her lips. "Hush, meldanya. You could never fail me. They seek the ring. We had no idea they would come so far; there was little resistance on the road from Gondor. This is not your burden." She breathed against his neck, placing another soft kiss on his pulse point.
Falmalinnar politely gave the two a moment to themselves before he slowed his horse from his leading position to fall back beside Legolas`.
"Shu Lien, how do you feel?" he asked quietly, his eyes taking in her condition.
"Master." She smiled automatically at seeing him and nodded her bow. "A little stiff and sore is all I can tell at the moment. I feel well, considering."
His eyes softened as they met hers. "Good. You are healing at an amazing rate. You have the chi of your Elf to thank, I suppose."
She blushed slightly as her eyes fell to the horse before returning to his in the fading light. "I owe him my life many times over." She took a breath. "Falmalinnar, I no longer walk as Mandarin. I have chosen to forsake my vows. I am in love. I have bound myself to Legolas." Shu Lien stated it simply, softly, as the words bubbled up purely from her soul. "I am disgraced that I could not tell you when first we met. My mate deserves to be presented with the pride and tenderness that I feel for him, but I was afraid." She felt Legolas squeeze her softly.
Falmalinnar nodded with the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips. "We shall talk later, daughter. But it seems you have chosen well." He spoke with gentle sincerity, his gaze moving up to meet Legolas' eyes briefly.
The formality returned to his voice as he spoke slightly louder, "We shall stop within the hour to rest." He urged his horse on to head the party once more.
~*~*~*~
They stopped near a mountain stream and Shu Lien was let down into Falmalinnar's arms and set down where the fire would be built.
Legolas sat heavily down beside her and let out a sigh as his shoulders slumped. Shu Lien looked up at him with anxious concern. He looked pale, gaunt and exhausted, especially for an Elf. Heedless of the others, she reached her arm out to him, pulling his shoulders down, and he easily followed her lead so that his head was in her lap.
Brushing her hand over his disheveled braid, smoothing the silken hair back from his face, she leaned over close to his ear, "Sleep, meldanya," she commanded in a whisper, kissing the lobe very lightly. Gimli brought over a blanket from the packs and she spread it over his form; his breath was already coming slow and heavy as his eyes closed.
Her eyes followed the movement of those who were setting up camp. Mu Bai went about his work, his face set in an impassionate expression but his eyes cold and obviously avoiding her . She worried her lip slightly and took a deep breath. She had to admit that she wished for the blessing of her lifelong friend. He represented her people to her and while she knew that way was closed to her now, she wished not to lose that family because of her choices.
But the fact that Falmalinnar had subtly communicated that he accepted her decision gave her the freedom to look ahead, not behind. She would have to figure out what path now lay before her. Her identity was slowly transforming. Her mind whirled.
But when a fire was started, she found herself looking into it absently, wrapping her fingers in the flaxen hair of her lover and following his slow breathing. She reveled in the present and all else fell away.
Except the voice of Elencálë who's dainty whispers began again to rise as a mist in her mind.
Falmalinnar was a merciless leader. The group was well-worn from the hard travel of the last days and the meal passed quietly. Even Gimli had little to jest about. Shu Lien wondered how much of the somber mood had to do with the fact that the dynamic had been changed with the addition of the two more solemn members of the party. Falmalinnar inspired deferential respect - no, awe - and Mu Bai was maintaining a rather stoic, severe countenance, sitting slightly apart and avoiding eye contact. She made an effort to trade amiable and reassuring smiles with Gimli and Elrohir over the meal as if they shared some private joke. She knew that recent events had also been worrisome and sensed relief among the group at her return to consciousness.
Legolas slept in her lap through it all, his body greedily grabbing any regenerative time. She had been told that her injuries had drawn heavily on his reserves, and in combination with the days of hard travel he was intensely fatigued and did not look at all well.
It was both strange and liberating to be showcasing so openly her intimate relationship before the group. After the first few minutes of unease, Shu Lien began to relax. She was by nature a reserved and private person, but in such a situation where she worried for Legolas, she would not allow her concern for decorum to disrupt attending her lover. Though she had slept for four days, she was still tired and did not have the energy to worry over much about it at any rate. But her self-consciousness was for naught, for the most part. She could not help but notice the subtle soft smiles of her friends and the gentle sparkle to Falmalinnar's eyes when they would glance at the two of them and she felt embraced. Mu Bai's eyes did not once stray in her direction.
After dinner Falmalinnar helped her remove the wrap and binding. She was still wearing the same clothes, and she peered at the gash over her shoulder and arm, as he removed the bandage through the cut cloth of her tunic. The tiny perfect Elvish stitches ran along the ragged edges of the large wound which stretched from her collar bone almost to her elbow. The skin had healed shut, and the redness was beginning to dissipate. There was no infection. Hesitantly she tried to move her arm as Falmalinnar prepared his instruments. It was stiff and sore, but moveable. The stitches were removed and she spent the next few minutes carefully rotating it, tentatively touching the skin, trying to begin to work some use back into it
Within the early hour of sunset, the camp was already bedding down. Falmalinnar was taking the first shift. He helped her extricate herself from Legolas and get to the stream in the fading light so that she could wash and change in the soft glow of dusk and a lantern. Her arm was stiff and beginning to ache, but she still patiently, slowly, managed to tend herself. After washing and dressing in clean clothes she felt miraculously better, though still fatigued.
She made her way back the short distance to the camp with the lantern and sat down before the fire beside Legolas` sleeping form. Falmalinnar looked up from where he was pouring a cup of tea and smiled.
"I feel well enough to take an hour's watch." Shu Lien stated in Quenya by way of offer. Falmalinnar merely shook his head. Shu Lien frowned slightly, watching him as he moved toward her. "I do... I will rouse you at.."
Falmalinnar interrupted, shaking his head again with amused exasperation, and lowered himself down beside her, sitting cross-legged. "Can you never rest? At any rate I have relieved you, Mu Bai and Gimli of night duty for the remainder of the trip. When Legolas is well enough he shall join Elrohir and me in our watches. We need the extra warning afforded by Elvish senses should we be attacked once more." His voice was velvet and firm at the same time.
Shu Lien sighed slightly, bringing her palms together for a quick assenting bow and turned her eyes thoughtfully to the fire..
Falmalinnar's measuring gaze remained trained on her profile,. "How is your health, Shu Lien?" He finally asked, a somewhat cryptic tone to his voice.
"I am beginning to tire, but the pain is little." She spoke quietly, her eyes drifting down to rest on Legolas curled up beside her. Smiling, she turned to meet Falmalinnar's assessing gaze.
"I am not going back." Shu Lien said in a whisper.
Falmalinnar's face did not register a reaction, but his eyes stayed locked with hers, unreadable. He was silent a moment. "All will not judge you as harshly as Mu Bai." He spoke slowly in the same hushed voice. "His motivations are largely unconscious. He knows his mind well, yet he knows not his heart. He feels the pain of that ignorance now." Shu Lien let her eyes wander briefly as she processed these words.
"I make this choice not for fear of judgment... or not this alone. I no longer belong there. I feel it is no longer where my spirit resides." Shu Lien's blue eyes searched his emerald depths for understanding.
"Where does your spirit reside, daughter?" he asked gently.
"With his. In Middle Earth." Shu Lien spoke the words with quiet certainty, her eyes unwavering.
Falmalinnar paused a moment, eyebrows knitted slightly. His eyes drifted down to the necklace and he reached a finger up to touch the leaf at her throat, and then let his hand drop to cover hers in her lap. He nodded and met her eyes again, a subtle smile on his lips. "He could go with you."
Shu Lien shook her head. "I know he would, but it is not for him that I stay. As the Lady of the Wood told me, I have indeed found my home once more. I no longer need to return to the Romanórë, My heart resides with his. I shall dearly miss the lands of my birth, but I am now free to walk the path that destiny has laid before me. That path lies here in Middle Earth. I am beginning to see."
Even though she knew the words to be true, having spoken them made a pervading sadness melt in her chest. Shu Lien swallowed thickly and let her eyes drop to their hands. She was silent for many breaths as she tried to quell the sorrow rising in her chest. "This has been so difficult for me, Falmalinnar." Her whisper was merely a breath.
Falmalinnar gently squeezed her hand.
She continued, "Lady Galadriel said that often times the growth demanded of our souls disrupts the foundation of what we have planned... and so I have submitted. I could not ignore my love's yearning...his reflection in my soul." She swallowed again. "In my heart I have no regrets, but my mind fears that it is illusion and that I am weak, that I disgrace, that I fail." She blinked back hot tears burning to be released.
Falmalinnar watched silently as she tried to still her anxiety with her breath. Finally he spoke very softly. "Daughter you have made this most difficult decision with grace, strength and courage. To forsake the perception of yourself - upon which hinges all goals, all validation, all worth - for who you truly are is an agonizing transformation... most never have the courage to attempt it. Therein lies the true lesson of letting go.'
She merely nodded heavily as a few tears escaped to slowly travel down her cheeks. Falmalinnar sat with her in silence for a long while, feeling her warm hand in his, offering his loving compassion and strength.
Finally he continued. "The call of your destiny is strong: do not underestimate the pull of Tatyafëar. It is a rare and powerful event."
"Although I acknowledge that I am merely a part of a larger, unfathomable Whole, I take full responsibility for my actions. I seek neither comfort nor absolution in the laying of blame in the lap of Fate." Shu Lien wiped her cheeks impatiently and looked up to meet his eyes with a flash of honor.
Falmalinnar nodded thoughtfully with a slight smile, letting his eyes drop back down to her hand under his.
Her eyes squeezed closed as the voice of the ring rose again in her ear, pressing against her head with words that seemed to be slowly emerging into lucidity. "Falmalinnar, Elencálë speaks to me now. I cannot understand what it says, but itswhisper invades even my meditation. It is so soft,but so insistent." She paused, bringing a hand to her temple and closing her eyes before opening them to regard her mentor. "Legolas is worried for me. Do you know what it means?"
His brow furrowed deeply as he returned his gaze to hers. "We did not expect this. yet we knew not that you were Tatyafëar. Perhaps the ring has heard the awakening of your fëa, and speaks to you because of this." He shook his head, slightly troubled. "We know so little of Elencálë. She is a relic of times long since forgotten, even by the Amaurëa." He stopped and searched her face, the dismay fading into an expression of confidence and assurance. "Your mind is strong, and your journey almost complete. It must simply be endured until such time that you can complete your duty. I do not find it cause for concern."
Shu Lien paused a moment and then nodded in quiet acceptance.
"The Valar have placed such a heavy grief and burden on your shoulders in so short a time, daughter. So much change must be difficult." His head bowed in sympathy.
Shu Lien regarded him a moment and a small bittersweet smile came to her lips. His expression brought to her mind's eye the image from the mirror of Lothlórien and the look of compassion and sorrow on his face as he brought her, a mere babe, to his chest as he sprinted into the night, away from the brutal, bloody death of her parents. "And yet the burden has always been there, I just did not know its weight. Once again you come to my aid in its bearing."
Falmalinnar looked up quickly, searching her eyes for understanding and then nodded solemnly seeing that she knew. "I was not to speak of it, lest it change the footfall of the destiny we were shown."
"You have been there for me since the beginning. I am grateful." Shu Lien whispered with a reverent sincerity. Falmalinnar smiled, his eyes softening as they locked with hers. "Falmalinnar, you have been the only father I have known. Know that I love you dearly." Leaning over, she placed a gentle and affectionate kiss on his cheek and then pulled back, watching as his hard face melted into a soulful softness.
Legolas shifted in his regenerative sleep and Shu Lien broke eye contact to regard him in a dream that furrowed his brow. Automatically, she smoothed his hair with a loving hand and he stilled. She returned to Falmalinnar's tender smile.
"It is odd to see one of my people sleeping so," he commented, looking down at Legolas.
"With closed eyes, or at my side?" Shu Lien asked lightly with a small half grin.
Falmalinnar met her gaze with amusement. "You become cheeky in your old age." At Shu Lien's blush and lowered gaze, he chuckled and squeezed her hand again. "It becomes you, daughter. I meant with his eyes closed like a human, of course! Legolas looks quite natural beside you." Shu Lien looked back up at his subtle smile. "It lightens my heart to see your true Self emerge in your eyes. And you have found a worthy mate indeed who shall be a comfort and help along whatever path your destiny has planned. I shall not worry half as much when I leave for the Gray Havens. "
At these words, Shu Lien's face fell, though she tried to hide it by turning her face from him. She did not want to think about having to say her goodbyes to one as dear as he once more. It had been so difficult the first time.
Falmalinnar released her hand and brought his strong fingers to her chin, turning her face gently toward him and capturing her eyes with his. "I think I will ignore the pull of the rolling waves somewhat longer." His whisper was barely audible. "I also do not wish to say good bye so soon."
Shu Lien looked to each of his eyes slowly, letting a grateful and loving smile bloom on her face. Falmalinnar returned her smile before touching the dark circles under one eye and then the other. His expression congealed into one of light concern. "And now, daughter, you should rest. Your body still heals and we ride hard after sunrise. If I know you, you will not allow Legolas to carry you in the morrow."
Shu Lien grinned. "Yes, you know me too well, I fear." Falmalinnar raised his eyebrows shrewdly with a knowing smile and after patting her hand, rose to tend the fire.
Legolas molded against her as she stretched out beside him under the blanket. She slipped into blackness with the soft breath of her lover against her neck.
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