Title & Chapter Number: Elencálë (The Light of the Elves) 13/?
Author(s): - Author's Index
Fandom: Middle Earth/Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
Rating: NC-17 Romance/Adventure
Disclaimer:
Warnings:
Betas:
Cast: Legolas/Shu Lien
Timeline: AU - Post RotK
Spoilers: None
Summary: This story takes place about 100 years after the quest of the One Ring. Even after the fall of Sauron, the foul breath of evil can still be felt on the winds of Middle Earth. Some say it is just the nature of the world, the shadow of the light. Some say it is rising and has once again become sentient. King Elessar rules with a just and even hand, but Men throughout the land are falling into darkness, succumbing to greed, hatred and violence among themselves and against the world. The Light of the Elves departs as the Eldar continue to withdraw to the West, leaving darkness in their wake.
Notes: Elves do not close their eyes during Reverie. While I have updated the sexual culture of the Eldar to reflect more modern values (and indeed the fact that I feel that such sensual and advanced beings would revel in such a pass time and consider it natural and pure), the concept that Elves can tell if other Elves have had sex actually is Tolkien's.
Chapter 13
Shu Lien's eyes popped open, blind, tearing. The sound of her uneven, panting breath along with the pounding of her heart filled her ears and she sat up, gasping, mouth open. Her hands clutched the blankets around her and her eyes frantically scanned the shadowed room lit by the cool blue light of a nearly harvest moon. She was in the serene, spacious suites of the Mirkwood guest house.
Orienting herself, relaxing slightly, she pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them, lowering her forehead to rest against them. Shu Lien closed her eyes and the tears gently pressed out from under
her eyelids to soak into the blankets covering her knees. She let the sobs reverberate through her body, the ripples of unrest from her soul.
It was just a dream.
When traveling, she had few dreams. Shu Lien pushed herself so hard with her practice and training that by the time she had finished a day of hard travel she would fall onto her bedroll and into a welcomed blackness. Even this swallowing nothingness was shallow, and at the slightest hint of disturbance it was cast off immediately like a cloak that has grown suddenly stifling and hot. After only
just closing her eyes, it seemed she was rousing, out of long habit, right before the first light of dawn kissed the cheek of the night in greeting.
In the comfort and safety of the palace, Shu Lien's slumber had deepened, she had relaxed, she had dreamed. And dreams would never be the flight of fantasy of an idle subconscious that they had once
been. Images too horrible and vivid to have been imagined tore at her with the foul insistence of what one despises. Over and over they played with her psyche until with the strike of an arrow in the back of an Elf, she had pushed her way to the surface and gasped desperately of the cool, clear reality of wakefulness.
Letting her knees fall back to the bed, Shu Lien brought her hands to cover her face as she continued to cry, silently. The pain and confusion suffocated any sound that would come of her sobs. Finally she pulled her pillow from behind her and curled up around it like a babe in the womb and let her eyes stare blankly into the shadows. The rest of the evening kept watch with her open, unseeing eyes, her unmoving, balled-up body until at long last the first light of dawn brushed a redemptive kiss across her brow.
~*~*~*~
Shu Lien took deep gasping breaths, bending over and resting her hands on her thighs, trying to still the heaving of her chest. She had pushed herself through a strenuous acrobatic workout this morning, focusing primarily on jumps, spins, flips and high kicks. Working her body hard, willing it to forget, willing it to tire so that she would have a measure of peace. Recovering her breath quickly, she straightened, glancing over to her friends who were nursing hot beverages which had been brought to them in the courtyard.
Elrohir caught her gaze and gave her a grin and friendly wink, while Gimli continued on with his diatribe about the importance of staying earthbound to the dignified and stately beings that were Dwarves. These two had seen her training from their windows and had joined her out of habit, chatting amiably between themselves and watching her, calling out comment or question every now and again.
Wiping her brow with the back of her hand, she stooped to pick up her weapon, which she had used earlier. When she straightened, Legolas was standing before her looking uncharacteristically relaxed. She smiled automatically at the peaceful calm that made his eyes look bottomless. She had hoped he had passed the morning among the trees of his beloved wood, and now her suspicion had been confirmed.
"Good morning." He said in a voice as golden and gentle as the first rays of sun after dawn.
Shu Lien bowed slightly and simply smiled. "I take it your fair wood fares well this morning?" He sniffed a grin and let his eyes bob to the ground briefly with boyish charm. A morning in his homeland had stoked a radiance in him and made him glow gloriously.
They walked over to where the other two were greeting him with cheery smiles.
"I trust your evening was spent in comfort?" Legolas asked them as they drew near the Dwarf and Elf.
"A soft, dry bed is always welcomed after the dank bedroll of a long journey." Gimli growled lightly with the customary avoidance of giving any sort of serious compliment. Elrohir merely smiled and nodded appreciatively.
Out of the corner of her eye, Shu Lien spied two figures approaching. Turning she recognized one as Galion. Legolas' distress was tangible and he stiffened instantly.
The other was Thranduil.
He was a stately Elf, of the same complexion as his sons. His features were favored by Galion more than Legolas. He was tall and stern. An Elf who moved like a warrior, but whose natural flowing grace had been stiffened by consciousness and restraint. The delicate, almost imperceptible lines of his many years along with his imposing body language gave him a dignified presence though he still looked young for a king by human years. His face was hard, his jaw set , his blue eyes darted keenly over the group gathered before him, resting at last on Shu Lien. She bowed low, palms together and waited until he had approached and Legolas had introduced her before she rose, as was her custom.
"Welcome, honored guest, to the lands of the Woodland Realm." He spoke formally to her in Sindarin, a polite smile on his lips that did not reach his measuring eyes.
"My lord, you honor me with your gracious hospitality. Truly your Realm is splendid, and reminds me much of the lands that I have left behind." Shu Lien returned with formality, leaving her eyes lowered ever so slightly.
"Ah, yes. The Amaurëa. Galion has told me some of their story." He paused letting a slightly warmer smile soften his face. "I look forward to enjoying what tales you have time to tell from the Romanórë. Very little is new to us here in Middle Earth."
His eyes then moved to Elrohir, who smiled openly, unperturbed by the stiff, tension of the King. "Elrohir. It has been many years since we have had the pleasure of entertaining you. I trust your father is well?"
"Yes my lord." Elrohir nodded amiably.
Thranduil continued, "I expect you found your sister to be grateful for your visit, your dedication to family is indeed admirable. And I have heard many tales of your recent accomplishments in Rivendell as captain of their guard. I envy your father. He must be proud of such a son. Indeed he has two sons who are a credit to his distinguished name." There was a flash of silence after this statement. Thranduil had kept his voice even throughout the statement, but the inference was not lost on any of the group. Legolas shifted slightly.
"I am not deserving of such generous praise, my lord." Elrohir said politely, his voice sounding empty and shallow to his friends. Shu Lien cut her eyes briefly to Legolas. He was standing stiffly, shoulders held back and jaw clenched as he stared ahead icily dispassionate. She wanted to place a gentle hand on his arm. To go up on the balls of her feet and whisper in his ear all that she had said that early morning several days ago.
"And Gimli. How fare the Dwarves in helping raise the White City?" He directed a tight-lipped smile toward the Dwarf.
"King Elessar knows how to keep their ale mugs full and their suppers on time. They have made faster progress than I had expected. The project should be completed in another year, no more." He inclined his head slightly as he eyed the King with an unreadable expression. Shu Lien realized that these two did not like each other, and marveled at the civility that Gimli displayed. It spoke to the depth of his friendship with Legolas that the Dwarf held his tongue.
Eyes moving from Elrohir to Shu Lien, he said. "I hope that you find rest and recuperation in your brief stay before continuing your journey to Rivendell." Shu Lien bowed in response. Thranduil looked relieved that he had gotten formalities out of the way.
Shu Lien could feel the cold hardness of withdrawal, of suppression, radiating from Legolas. For the first time in the exchange, Thranduil looked at Legolas. "I thought I would find you here. Though it may please you to fraternize with the friends that you have just spent the whole of many months with, I must insist that you attend to your duties, prince." He said low, his voice twisting the last word in subtle sarcasm. "Come."
To the others, he gave a superficial smile. "Please join us for breakfast in the hall, when you will." Turning, he walked off with his sons in tow. Legolas did not even glance back to his friends as he followed his father from the courtyard.
Shu Lien took a deep breath as the trio left. Her brow knitted thoughtfully as she turned to Elrohir. "Has he always been so?" Elrohir sat back on the bench as Shu Lien sat beside him. Gimli sat across from them on his bench.
"No. It was always said that Legolas is his father with his mother's face. And my father tells me that indeed, before his wife was killed, Thranduil was very much like Legolas. Thranduil's father, Oropher, was killed in the War of the Last Alliance, and he was left the Woodland Realm to govern. Thranduil returned to a duty which was distasteful to him and for which he was ill-suited. He was a gifted warrior and preferred endless days on the road and in the wood to the long hours of court. But he governed out of necessity, however he delegated any duties he could to those around him." Elrohir's eyes held Shu Lien's attentive gaze.
"In the days of Sauron's fortress, Dol Goldur, evil loved Mirkwood. The Wood Elves lived in a city of caves for protection. Thranduil could not bear it, but shouldered his duty as best he could. Shortly after the birth of Galion, Thranduil was exploring his much-loved forest - as he so often did to escape the confines of court and cave - with his beloved, with Legolas` mother." Elrohir paused lowering his voice in sorrow. "They were attacked by Orcs. He fought hard, but there were many. Her soul fled to the comfort of Mandos stained with blood and brutality. Thranduil's spirit was deeply damaged by her passing. It was said that their love was great. He never forgave himself for not being able to protect her, and for them being in the wood instead of the court in the first place." Elrohir took a breath and turned his face to his feet which were toeing the ground before him.
"After this he turned from his nature and threw himself into his duty. And became the Elf that you saw before you." He finished the tale in his soft, compassionate voice.
Shu Lien sighed, closing her eyes. The world was filled with such pain.
~*~*~*~
That evening:
The stone railing was cool, rough, solid under Shu Lien's calloused fingers. Standing on the small terrace outside her room, she gripped its strength in the glowing ethereal evening. The days were gentle in Mirkwood and the nights soft, but the open wood beyond the courtyard gardens hummed and sang with the strength and complexity of life. A song both alluring and frightening in its power like the voice of the ocean. A song that whispered in her ear of both the complete centrality and utter insignificance of her place in the world. Shu Lien closed her eyes and smiled.
Crouched comfortably in a tree, Legolas watched her. His face unconsciously smiled softly with her and he let his head lean against the solid trunk of the tree. He had wanted to see her, but didn't think he could bring himself to look into her eyes. Not now. He had carefully reinforced all of his defenses to deal with the ways of home, but still he was raw. Whether it was from nearing his breaking point in endurance, or because of the emotionality of the past few months, he was unsure. All he knew was it hurt. More than usual. Legolas was accustomed to his detachment providing solace, but in this particular visit the long tendrils of pain were reaching him across the barren boundaries of his suppression. He could not bare to see his pain reflected in her compassionate eyes.
Legolas watched as, dragging one hand along the balcony railing, Shu Lien reached up to pick one of the pink flowers from the overhead trellis and she brought it to her face, inhaling. She continued moving thoughtfully in the slow fluid way of a dream, down the two steps to the garden and along the path, alternately gazing at the flower and then at the moon above, framed in silver haze. Finding a bench she sat, pulling a knee to her chest while the other dangled, kicking gently back and forth. A sigh. She leaned her chin on her knee and looked down at the flower she twirled absently between her fingers. Legolas' throat was tight and his heart was heavy. He let a soft sigh of his own pass his lips as he closed his eyes.
Shu Lien was unapologetically thinking of Legolas. The whole day had passed and she had not seen him but in passing at breakfast, away at his father's table. The look in his eyes had worried her. His eyes were almost steel gray and empty, his face looking serene to any who didn't know him. But she saw pain and self-loathing. Such is the reaction when the parent is cruel. Even though she did not doubt that his consciousness put his father's behavior in some context, this internalized grief still drained the light from his eyes. At that moment it did not concern her that she was having more and more trouble keeping her distance, nor did she ponder the fact that she had missed his company intensely this day. She thought only of his pain.
The day had been spent pleasantly enough. When not training hard or meditating, she was engaged in amiable conversations with Elrohir and Gimli and their small band of Mirkwood friends of old, stretching the meals out past the hour in which the dishes were collected. But her thoughts had been with Legolas through it all. Life was suffering, as was spoken to by her Way. But for all of her training, she could not help but want to end such suffering for Legolas.
He watched her until at last, tucking the flower behind her ear, she withdrew into her rooms. Sighing with all of the confusion, pain and fatigue that he felt, he dropped silently to the ground and jogged lightly into the woodland night.
~*~*~*~
The morning passed by in its usual manner. Shu Lien woke the sun with her silent meditation and then began her training. Elrohir and Gimli walked with her to breakfast. They enjoyed the company of the small group of Woodland Elves that they had spoken with most of the previous day and stayed over amiable chatter and warm beverages until the hall began to clear.
Galion was the first to the table, followed closely by a rather reticent looking Legolas. It was the first the group had seen of either of them since yesterday morning.
"Are you getting the rest you need?" Galion asked the table cheerfully as he strode up pulling a chair in front of him and straddling it backwards, resting his arms over its back.
Shu Lien nodded bowing slightly in greeting as Elrohir and Gimli added their own assents. Legolas strode up to the table with a cool and distracted smile for each of them. Shu Lien studied his shallow gaze but did not force him to deepen it. "Forgive me for being such a scarce host, it seems I have had much to catch up on in my father's court." Legolas spoke the words flatly with no sarcasm.
"Don't worry, Elf. We have been well cared for. Except for the fact that I am still waiting to taste an ale that is worthy of the name in this blasted Realm." Gimli could always be counted on for a good dig.
Legolas rolled his eyes as he sat on the edge of the table. “Must you always be contrary?"
"Yes." Elrohir answered for him with a grin. "He is a Dwarf, after all." Gimli did nothing but smile proudly through his thick ruddy beard.
"How have you put up with them for such a long journey, Shu Lien?" Galion's mouth was twisted in a suave half-smile.
"That is why I require the rest that I do, Galion." Shu Lien answered seriously, the sparkle in her eyes giving her away. Galion laughed appreciatively.
"Don't let her fool you, Galion. She can hold her own quite well." Legolas gave Shu Lien a small smile and then turned to his brother.
"So I have been told. And, brother, don't forget that you promised me a demonstration." Galion raised his eyebrows questioningly to Shu Lien as he spoke.
Legolas seemed to relax slightly at the idea. "If you are game for a spar this morning, I would welcome it. I have had barely a moment free of the seat of these palace chairs. I need to move." He growled.
Shu Lien let a slow smile grow on her lips. "You know I will never pass up such an invitation."
~*~*~*~
Legolas and Shu Lien met with their weapons again in the large inner courtyard just off the dining hall. They had sparred intermittently on the journey through Mirkwood, but always with weapons in hand. They kept this distance still, even though the tension of uncertainty in their spars had gradually been replaced with their comfortable, intense but detached focus of practice.
Settling herself in ready stance, Shu Lien stilled herself immediately, breathing into deep attentiveness. It was always uncanny to watch her eyes harden and still, it was like watching a warm liquid pool freeze instantaneously. Closing his eyes briefly, Legolas took a full breath that was almost as a sigh. His state of focus was ragged but he knew Shu Lien would wait for him to find his center. With this thought in mind, he struck out like lightening from the tenuous balance of his emotions.
In that first stroke, Shu Lien felt the raging tide within him. She met it uncharacteristically with jarring impact and then brought his sword in a circle, pushing his arm and sword off to the side. The other hand came to play and she did the same, bringing it round and throwing it off. The ringing of the blades in those quick two successions brought with it stillness as the ripples it created swept the air clean. The crisp, sweet voice of a bell, reminding one of the present.
They both intuitively paused a moment, Legolas breathed in the echo of the strike, letting it's tremor spread through his body, smoothing the knots out, soothing the pain. Shu Lien was watching him attentively. As his breath was released she brought her joined blade quickly to bear right at his forehead and his long knives came up automatically as an X to block it. He held that position for almost a breath before he suddenly twisted his blade to throw her into a quick aerial roll. The instant she landed she sliced her blade to his side, increasing the pace. He blocked with one hand easily, bringing the other around to strike. She back-flipped, separating her blades at some point in the movement and sprung at him without reserve.
He was ready. Landing a high kick to his blocking forearm, she used her blade to begin a series of thrusts which he alternately parried and dodged, pulling her back before throwing her with a twist. They began to soften their technique from the purposefully jarring and static defenses previously, submerging their individual anxieties in the fluid, organic molding of the Mandärin Way.
Gimli and the others were seated on the steps in the shade across the courtyard. Elrohir leaned, arms crossed casually, against the column of the outlying open hallway on the other side. Galion stood beside him, both of them watching the display appreciatively. No words were exchanged for a good long moment as they followed the lightening blows and acrobatic movements. Galion was suitably impressed, even though he was no warrior. But what was perhaps more fascinating to him was the subtle relationship that was displayed by the interchange.
"Have I been seeing what I think I have been seeing?" Galion finally asked Elrohir quietly with a sly smile on his face.
Elrohir flashed him a grin. "What have you been seeing?"
"That my brother has actually found his mate?" Galion's smile broadened.
"Well, that depends on who you ask of course. But my opinion is irrelevant, you should be asking such a question of your brother." Elrohir pressed his lips together mischievously.
"I knew I couldn't count on you for a straight answer." Galion rolled his eyes. "But for the record, what is your opinion."
Elrohir turned to watch Legolas as he deftly parried a twisting thrust from Shu Lien. A gentle smile came over his face. "That Legolas is in love." He looked back to Galion with no trace of mockery.
Galion met his eyes a moment and took a breath before returning to the scene before them, his mind whirling. Long moments passed as the two watched the spar.
Elrohir spoke again, voice soft. "Has he told you that he is continuing on to Rivendell with us?"
Galion shook his head. "But I expected as much..."
A shuffle behind them brought their attention to the stiff, briskly retreating figure of King Thranduil. Following him a moment down the hall with his eyes, Galion turned back to Elrohir with a sigh. "I wonder how long he was there."
~*~*~*~
Thranduil had been walking from the breakfast hall and saw Legolas and Shu Lien sparring. He slowed his walk just enough to watch them and came across his younger son and Elrohir. He had just been there a moment when what he heard, combined with what he saw, ignited his anger. No matter what he did, he felt like he was losing him. He did not need to hear the earlier discussion. He was a gifted and experienced warrior, and what he saw in their impressive exchanges was an intimacy that, even while suppressed, was undeniable.
~*~*~*~
Legolas and Galion had been in conference with Lord Thranduil all afternoon. Legolas shifted in his chair uncomfortably yet another time. He was becoming restless from sitting in the room for so long. He wanted to move! To walk out of the palace and into the embrace of the forest, to smell the scent of life and feel the gentle sway of a tree beneath him.
Finally, at a pause in the conversation, as Thranduil again bent over his desk to write some notes, Legolas stood and walked to the large open window drawing solace and strength from the subdued gentle scents of the waning day. Thranduil looked up at Legolas in annoyance, glancing at Galion who quickly lowered his eyes.
"Legolas, sit down." He said quietly, through clenched teeth. Closing his eyes briefly, Legolas puffed a breath out, letting it catch in his cheeks before releasing it slowly. He took a moment to still his irritation before turning to comply, face dispassionate.
"I have one more matter to discuss with you.. and then you may go out and play." Thranduil's tone was exasperatedly mocking. Legolas clutched the arms of his chair to calm himself as his father regarded him steadily with a piercing gaze. "We need to send a message to the leaders of Dale concerning the outcome of our meeting with the other Long Lake towns. Though they did not attend due to their feud with Esgaroth, what transpired concerns them and it is our duty to inform them of the outcome. I will have the document drafted this evening. You will leave tomorrow." After he had spoken, he returned his attention to his writing once more.
Legolas stared at him for a long moment with clenched teeth, ignoring the worried glance of his brother. "Father, this is a messenger's errand. You could send Lortaur." He said quietly, his soft voice belying his exasperation.
Lord Thranduil looked up darkly, jaw set with anger. His voice was forceful, deliberate, deceptively calm. "I could send whomever I choose. And I choose to send you, Legolas." He nailed Legolas to his chair with his challenging gaze. "You leave tomorrow. Morning."
Legolas' nostrils flared as he drew in a cooling breath. He stood abruptly, still meeting his father's gaze and then turned briskly and left the room, leaving the door open as he breezed through it. With one last glance to his father, who was still staring angrily after Legolas, Galion stood and followed, closing the door silently behind him.
When his sons had both gone, Thranduil let out a heavy breath. His shoulders slumped as his head bowed over his desk. He would just have to wait and see. But Thranduil was afraid. He was afraid he was finally losing his son.
~*~*~*~
Legolas stalked down the hallway away from his father's office. His brother caught up with him. "Brother... a word." He motioned with his head for Legolas to follow him into the library. Galion closed the door behind him silently and met Legolas' expectant and slightly annoyed gaze. His brother regarded him a long moment.
"What are you going to do?" Finally Galion asked, half sitting on a table jauntily. He picked up a book and absently turned it in his hands.
Legolas sighed. "Look, Galion, I am not in the mood... we can talk later." he said curtly and began to turn to leave.
Galion continued to fondle the book looking up under his eyelashes at him. "There is not much left of later..." He said quietly. "Father expects you to go to Dale tomorrow morning. I know you were planning on continuing on with your friends, and so does father, though he said nothing. That is why he gave you this errand. He wants you here, under his thumb."
Unlike Legolas, Galion thrived on the predictable, stable life of the palace, content to have no bigger world than this, loving the pomp and circumstance of royalty and throwing a good party. He found his bliss every day. The easy gaiety about him often made people wonder how the two could be brothers. But he had always been fiercely loyal and supportive of his older brother and had brought him comfort when his father had gone a little too far in the tirades against him.
Legolas had not moved closer to the door but merely hung his head with a sigh. He did not know what he would do. Galion hopped lightly off the table, leaving the book there, "Legolas, I can see you are in pain. Talk to me..." He stepped closer, putting a hand out to touch his brothers arm. "It has to do with Shu Lien, does it not...." He asked softly, "How do you feel about her?"
Legolas looked up at his brother with surprise, searching his eyes. Returning his gaze to the floor, Legolas took a deep breath and let it out slowly. In the shock of such a frank and open question, his heart supplied the answer unmistakably. He paused a moment. "I am in love with her." He said very quietly, still surprising himself with the words. Once they left his lips, though, it was as if a great weight had lifted from his soul. He knew that their relationship would never be, but just admitting what he had been so desperately trying to suppress was somehow healing and liberating.
His brother let a slow smile grow on his lips. "And that is a problem? I had never thought to hear such words fall from your lips, brother... What a happy day!" He said brightly, slapping his brother playfully on the arm.
Legolas looked up at him with a furrowed brow "You seem to forget that she is Mandärin... she has forsaken this kind of relationship."
His brother just beamed. "I have seen the way she looks at you! You two are perfectly suited. She will come to her senses eventually. Love is a rare and blessed gift!"
Shaking his head Legolas wondered how everything was so easy for Galion. "That is exactly what I don't want to happen. She has already told me that I have destroyed any measure of peace that has come to her life. She is mortal, I do not wish to disturb any chance she has at finding serenity in her limited years. She has made her decision. I must honor it." As he spoke, everything became more clear for Legolas. He knew what he must do, he would leave in the morning for Dale.
It would be much easier for him in many ways, at any rate. These past weeks traveling through the wood, together but apart from Shu Lien had taken a toll on him. Their forced boundaries took quite a bit of energy to maintain, both psychic and physical. It was becoming harder and harder to keep his emotions at bay when he was with her. At this point, he knew he would be unable to say farewell to her forever, he was in love with her, he had admitted as much... but perhaps if he took his leave for a while, his feelings would ebb enough that he would be content to finally cross the sea.
Galion looked on as all of these thoughts passed through his brother's eyes and sighed exasperatedly. "Oh, Legolas. You are never going to find any peace."
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