Title & Chapter Number: Elencálë (The Light of the Elves) 11/?
Author(s): - Author's Index
Fandom: Middle Earth/Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
Rating: NC-17 Romance/Adventure
Disclaimer:
Warnings:
Betas:
Cast: Legolas/Shu Lien
Timeline: AU - Post RotK
Spoilers: None
Summary: This story takes place about 100 years after the quest of the One Ring. Even after the fall of Sauron, the foul breath of evil can still be felt on the winds of Middle Earth. Some say it is just the nature of the world, the shadow of the light. Some say it is rising and has once again become sentient. King Elessar rules with a just and even hand, but Men throughout the land are falling into darkness, succumbing to greed, hatred and violence among themselves and against the world. The Light of the Elves departs as the Eldar continue to withdraw to the West, leaving darkness in their wake.
Notes: Elves do not close their eyes during Reverie. While I have updated the sexual culture of the Eldar to reflect more modern values (and indeed the fact that I feel that such sensual and advanced beings would revel in such a pass time and consider it natural and pure), the concept that Elves can tell if other Elves have had sex actually is Tolkien's.
Chapter 11
The party moved quickly northeast, away from the Misty Mountains, crossing the river, through the scrubby plains toward sprawling Mirkwood forest. Shu Lien's first glimpse of Mirkwood was from atop a cliff overlooking it. Below her lay the thick, ancient forest that spread before them as a verdant ocean as far as the eye could see to the north and east, flanked on the west by the Anduin river. It had none of the delicate ethereal quality of Lothlórien, but rather stood solid, living and proud before them. A silver mist rose from the tops of the dense foliage, exuding a scent whose earthiness settled the soul.
Shu Lien glanced to Legolas and found him entranced, ensnared in memories, an unconscious smile dancing across his lips as his eyes hungrily devoured the first sight of his homelands. She smiled softly to herself, glad to see his eyes alight and glowing. Both of them had been withdrawn into their own private worlds, retreating to the comfort of reticence, distance and detachment. She missed him, she admitted it to herself, but she was very afraid of what allowing herself to become too close with him again would mean.
As they descended into the valley, the moist thick air of the forest embraced them all like the breath of a huge panting animal. Shu Lien felt the life energy of the wood as strongly as warm palms solidly cupping her cheeks. Palms that forced her to listen, to feel, to see, to experience, to look directly into the fathomless eyes of the present moment, aware, awake, alive.
If she had wanted to, she could not have ignored the fact that this wood was alive. It teemed with life everywhere you looked: insects, birds, animals, all called out and scurried before them as messengers of their passage. There was none of the spacious, otherworldly quality of Lothlórien with its carpet of moss and silvery tree trunks. The undergrowth was dense and dim; the trees above knitted together to form a woven canopy of foliage who let nary a dappled ray of sunlight to the forest floor, and the trees'
trunks were thick, dark, rough and knotted. The forest echoed with the whispered secrets of the mortal world, displaying birth, grace, age and death all in one breath.
Legolas turned around and regarded Shu Lien who was following him as he lead their horses into the thick wood on a path that was visible only to him. She was oblivious to his gaze, completely immersed in appreciatively absorbing her surroundings. She was breathing the life of the forest into her, and feeling the heartbeat of the land beneath the hooves of her horse. Legolas was pleased. He loved this forest, and even with the tension that reverberated between them, he had been eagerly anticipating showing her his homelands.
Save for the unusual moment after the battle, she had kept her distance on the journey, albeit cordially and comfortably, and Legolas had made no attempts to make any overtures of his own. They continued with the comfortable stride they had found in Lothlórien. He missed the easy closeness that they had shared on the road from Gondor; it was something his soul hungered for. It was tiring in some ways to adhere to these boundaries which seemed so arbitrary to his heart, but in many ways it was easier to abide by their distance than to face his emotions, which rolled under the surface of his discipline and control menacingly with the waves of the sea in his head at night.
With a sigh, Legolas returned his gaze to the path that was so well known to him and closed his eyes for a moment, feeling nothing but the leisurely sway of the horse beneath him. Coming home was always a mixture of bliss and agony. He was not looking forward to seeing his father... Consciously he cut those thoughts off almost before they began with the sword of his attention. The wood before him called softly to him, it was a song he had missed over these last months of travel and he would demand nothing more of himself than the worshipful attention to its voice.
~*~*~*~
Time seemed to stand still as they made their way, day by day, through the thick, ancient wood. Shu Lien walked this morning at Elrohir's side, leading her horse as her feet absently, expertly, found footing over the moss-covered tree roots, black, glistening rocks and decaying undergrowth. The omnipresent cacophony of birds was never lost on her ears and it created the perfect backdrop for the lush, moody forest.
Elrohir was telling her a rousing and riotous story of his youth with Elladan. It seems the twins borrowed trouble as often as they could find it. Elladan had always been a bit more reserved and
serious - Elrohir teased him that he had big brother syndrome because he was three minutes older - but that didn't seem to have hampered his ability to wreak havoc as an Elfling. Elladan had schemed the plan, and Elrohir added the dramatic embellishment, putting the energy into making it happen. They had been a force to be reckoned with!
Elrohir was always able to make her smile. His heart was sensitive and aware and he was continually observing people on an intimate level even when joking, tuning his stories to their mood and reactions. As a result he was rewarded by an outright laugh from the usually more restrained Shu Lien.
Legolas turned with a smile from his place beside Gimli at the melodic and joyful sound of her laughter. He thought it was the perfect accompaniment to this morning of jade forest haze and sweet bird song. Shu Lien caught his gaze and covered her mouth with slight chagrin, her eyes still mirthful. He chuckled softly as she turned her attention back to the grinning Elrohir.
They walked throughout the morning companionably. In the brief minutes of silent transition between stories and conversations with Elrohir, Shu Lien thoughtfully watched Legolas out of the corner of
her eye. His posture belied an increasing weight on his shoulders. She guessed it must have something to do with going home.
~*~*~*~
For a several weeks the group traveled through the wood northward to the Woodland Realm.
Shu Lien woke before dawn and before her watch began, as usual. After stowing her bedding, she quietly made her way to the fire where Legolas was sitting, poking a stick into the softly glowing
embers of the fading flames. He had made her tea, as he always did when he took the watch before her. As she approached he looked up and graced her with a distracted, good morning smile.
Shu Lien poured her tea slowly, watching the dark waters swirl and the steam rise from the small handle-less cup. The scent of the green tea rose to her cheeks and settled her soul, making her sigh
ever so slightly. It was such an honest, serious and unassuming scent, like the smells of autumn.
She looked over to where Legolas sat, eyes unfocused, shoulders slumping ever so slightly. She had noticed his demeanor changing subtly as they got closer and closer to the Woodland Realm. Part of
Legolas was endearingly delighted as he rode through the thick, somber wood that reminded her of himself in its earthy complexity. He spoke even less and his gaze wandered more - lovingly stroking
every tree, plant, stream, and animal with his eyes. But part of him was also withering, slowly, steadily.
Even at the distance she had kept him, Legolas consumed much more of her attention than he should have. Often times she found herself wanting to break down the barriers that they had built, release the
suppression that took more energy to uphold than she had sometimes, but to do so would make her face herself and her feelings completely and she was afraid.
Pushing all the confusion and turmoil aside, she forced herself to think of nothing but the Elf before her. She was unable and unwilling to ignore his pain. Her concern for him would override all of the agony and anxiety in her heart. She knew Legolas did not like to be confronted, but she felt that the pain that was rising tangibly from him was a scar that he had carried for many years, it ran deep and long. She wanted to be at his side if he needed it, as he had been there for her, whatever the cost in the end.
Gathering herself, Shu Lien kneeled, sitting on her heels, in the leaves near Legolas and sipped her tea. Usually she withdrew to prepare to meditate as she took her shift, so the break in the routine caught Legolas' attention and he looked up.
She regarded his eyes in a slow and searching way, taking note of the pain that glowed in the orange firelight. "How much farther until we get to the Woodland Realm?" Shu Lien asked finally, eyes
unwavering, taking another sip of her tea.
"Another two days... by nightfall tomorrow we shall arrive." Legolas answered, looking expectantly at her, trying to discern what words she really wanted to speak. Shu Lien smiled at her own transparency.
"May I ask you a rather frank question?" His eyes looked almost gray in the light.
"Of course." He answered matter-of-factly, but tensed almost imperceptibly.
"I have never heard you speak with anything but fondness for Mirkwood, and true, part of you blossoms and soars as we ride through this beautiful wood. But part of you also is dying. I see a soft mist hide the sparkle of your eye, and I am left to wonder why... I worry for my friend." Shu Lien spoke sincerely and gently.
Legolas let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. He had thought she was going to ask him something about their relationship, and this was, while a very painful topic, a safer one for him at this point.
"I love my home. The Wood Elves embody a spirit, a voice that I hear only in this forest. It whispers to me, seduces me every time I draw near. While travel and nature will always be in my blood, only here do I ever feel so lovingly embraced. It is only here that the trees speak my name when I pass, only here where I can understand the words the birds offer the rising sun, only here where the earth caresses my foot as I step." Legolas stopped, the wistful, joyous smile faded slowly.
He looked down with a quick shake to his head. Shu Lien sat patiently, supportive in her undemanding attention. He paused, questioning his own absence of censure, he didn't know why he felt so comfortable with her. Perhaps it was because she was so completely non-judgmental, or perhaps it was because he knew she understood him. He whispered slowly to the earth between his boots, "My father... I am such a disappointment to him. I am woefully remiss in fulfilling my duty as crowned prince. I disgust him. It pains him to see me, I disgrace him so. He has taken every opportunity over my many years to make sure that I know this. So I continue to run, and hate coming back to his displeasure."
Shu Lien sat stunned a moment as her eyes and nose prickled with emotion. "Oh Legolas." She intoned very softly. She slowly closed her eyes, just feeling, empathizing, letting the weight of the words and emotions hang heavy in her heart. At that whisper of his name, Legolas looked up slowly and watched as Shu Lien sat before him, completely embracing and accepting all of his sorrow. That in itself soothed his raw heart and seemed to lighten the weight that held his shoulders down.
Slowly her eyes opened and their watery black depths held his tenderly. "It is a shame that your father cannot see the grace and beauty before him." She gave him a sad smile. "What I see... What I see before me is one of the most skilled and disciplined warriors I have ever encountered, who, despite having survived unspeakable horrors, has retained his gentle heart. I see one whose deeds have earned him both esteem and prestige, but who carries himself with humility and honor, never ceasing to look for another lesson to learn. I see one who is steadfastly kind, loyal and giving to his friends, and sees the best in people, accepting them as they are. Even in your darkest moments, your spirit sings with grace and beauty, Legolas."
Shu Lien held his gaze, determinedly validating all that she had said. Their eyes were naked and the sensation of their souls meeting in their gaze was almost suffocating in its intensity. Finally, Legolas looked away, clearing his throat quietly.
Shu Lien gathered herself a moment. "Legolas, I think you are wise to run. There is no duty where there is dishonor. You should be around those who see you as you are, instead of how they wish you to be." Shu Lien paused a moment, "Why don't you and Gimli accompany us to Rivendell?" She suggested quietly.
Legolas turned to her again, hesitating. "Actually we had talked about that earlier..." he admitted, Shu Lien smiled encouragingly. He let out a long breath as he nodded resolutely. "We will... Perhaps afterwards I will finally have the courage to continue on to the Gray Havens."
"The sea's Call is strong." Shu Lien stated softly, the rolling waves were almost always present behind the deep blue of his eyes.
He looked at her with an unreadable expression. "Yes." he whispered.
She nodded, closing her eyes briefly. She very much wanted him to sail to the peaceful promise of Valinor, but yet it deeply pained her to imagine a life where she never saw him again. She forced a
smile and got up to pour herself another cup of tea. Legolas stood as well, stretching, and walked out into the woods which were just beginning to welcome the dawn. So much was left unsaid.
~*~*~*~
The party found a camping spot near a stream and decided to stop slightly earlier than usual for the day. Gimli and Elrohir tended the horses. Shu Lien and Legolas began the general unpacking.
"I am going to go fetch some firewood." She said finally after unrolling the bedding to air in the late afternoon sun. Legolas had taken his bow and was examining it, the string was close to breaking and needed to be restrung, he had felt this as he had drawn it earlier in the day.
He looked up at her, searching her face, "Do you want some help?" She shook her head silently and headed off. Legolas watched her a moment and then returned to the restringing. In another day they
would be to the Woodland Realm. He was, for some reason, excited to show Shu Lien his home and see the reaction on her expressive face. He wondered what she would think. It was nothing very grand like Caras Galadhon, but it was elegant and simple, the essence of Wood Elf. Perhaps this is why he wanted to gauge her reaction, he wanted to see in effect what she thought of him. He sniffed to himself
with wry amusement as he watched this thought drift through his musings.
He urged his mind to other things. His father was sure to be even more difficult than usual. He always was when Legolas returned from a trip. Legolas was in no mood to hear it, either. He was glad that Shu Lien had offered him the opportunity to continue on with them. He found it more and more difficult to remain at home, and perhaps this would be the last time he would have to endure it. He hoped this time he would be able to find the courage to heed the Calling of the sea. What he had difficulty admitting to himself, though, was that he was having trouble saying goodbye to Shu Lien. The thought of crossing the waters to never see her again, was not something he could envision at this point. Perhaps once he knew she was safe in Rivendell...
The sound of sticks being dropped with a thud in the far distance and a muffled cry caught his attention, and he stood up, searching the wood. Walking briskly in the direction it had come from, he got a hundred feet and saw in the distance Shu Lien, hands clasped over her mouth, eyes frozen in horror as a giant spider, towering over her by several feet, slowly crept toward her. He swore under his breath at his bow being unstrung and began running toward her.
"Elrohir! Elrohir! Your bow!" He yelled in the opposite direction. "Shu Lien! Its eyes! Attack its eyes!" But she remained frozen looking on as the huge, bristly arachnid crept as if in slow motion on long spurred legs, its jaws working with a clicking noise, venom and juice seeping from its mouth, its large abdomen bobbing slightly with its gait. The many hypnotic eyes were fixed on her.
An arrow whizzed by Legolas and landed in one of the creatures eyes as he turned to see Elrohir sprinting through the trees, another arrow already notched, Gimli puffing as he followed in the distance. The arrows seemed to wake Shu Lien and she jumped back, drawing her swords. Still disoriented, she could not find her center, she sliced gingerly at the legs of the creature as it reeled from the arrows hitting its eyes. Another spider appeared behind it and was more angry and aggressive than its mate. It leapt an unbelievable distance towards Shu Lien, and she rolled through its legs, reaching up to slice its abdomen as she stood. Two arrows were already embedded in its eyes before it could turn around to
continue its attack, and Legolas had reached the area, his knives drawn. Fearlessly he sliced and stabbed the creature, bringing himself too close for her comfort to the jaws of the beast. Shu Lien continued stabbing and slicing at whatever spider was within reach.
Shortly both of the beasts lay motionless.
Shu Lien looked on in horror, dropping her dripping blades into the leaves and hugging herself. Tearing her eyes from monsters she searched instinctively for Legolas to find him coming toward her, concern and empathy on his face. Without thinking she ran to him, still hugging her arms and pressed herself into his chest as she trembled. He wrapped his warm arms around her.
"Are you hurt?" he asked softly. She shook her head, face still buried in his chest. He held her close as she breathed in his scent, her tremors beginning to subside. She did not want to pull away. He smelled of the forest and she felt so peaceful in his embrace. But her body was beginning to warm, even as the horror fled. With a sigh, she stepped away, and Legolas released her immediately. Their eyes met briefly before each turned, Legolas to walk toward Elrohir and Gimli who were surveying the creatures, and Shu Lien to retrieve her weapons.
~*~*~*~
They moved their camp a ways down the path. Shu Lien sat at the campfire sharpening and conditioning her blades with oil. Her hands moved of their own accord as her mind was reliving the incident with the spiders. She was embarrassed by her weakness. She had traveled alone through Mordor ....yet had frozen at the site of these beasts. What was worse was that she had run to Legolas afterward. She dropped her face into one of her hands with shame.
Legolas had been watching her and as he knew himself, he knew what she was thinking. He approached her under the pretense of handing her some of the supper that had been prepared by Gimli, as it was his night to cook. He held out the tin bowl. With a quiet sigh she reached over to take it with an absent thank you. When he didn't release the bowl immediately, she looked up, confused, and met his eyes.
"I have lived with those creatures over a thousand years, and to this day they turn my stomach. You should feel no shame." Legolas said softly as he released the bowl into her grasp.
Shu Lien held his gaze a moment longer measuringly and then dropped her eyes again to her lap. "But I froze..."
Legolas stepped over the mossy log she was sitting on with one foot and sat beside her, straddling it. "I have never told you this story. When we were preparing for the battle at Helm's Deep, it was my first brush with human mortality on such a scale. I watched these peasants, farmers, goat herders, merchants putting on ill-fitting armor, strapping on crude weapons that they did not know how to wield. By the Valar, many of them were mere babes! It tore my heart out to know the odds against them. Despair overtook me. I wanted to run, run from all the pain... to be spared from having to witness such a senseless massacre. I actually told Estel - none too kindly - that we should leave. Leave them all to their fate!" Legolas' brow was knitted in emotion, reliving the moments in his mind as he told the story. "Of course, I did not leave. But I was very much shamed by my words, and was humiliated by my cowardice when I finally apologized to Estel for suggesting that we desert those people."
Shu Lien watched him carefully. His eyes came finally back to hers. "We all have our moments of doubt, our moments of fear... if we did not, would we still have a heart?" He paused, his gaze
sweeping over Shu Lien's face thoughtfully. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Despite what each of us struggles so desperately to achieve, perfect is something we shall never be."
Shu Lien considered him a moment, and a smile broke across her face. "You speak for yourself."
Legolas grinned broadly.
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