Title & Chapter Number: Elencálë (The Light of the Elves) 9/?
Author(s): - Author's Index
Fandom: Middle Earth/Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
Rating: NC-17 Romance/Adventure
Disclaimer:
Warnings:
Betas:
Cast: Legolas/Shu Lien
Timeline: AU - Post RotK
Spoilers: None
Summary: This story takes place about 100 years after the quest of the One Ring. Even after the fall of Sauron, the foul breath of evil can still be felt on the winds of Middle Earth. Some say it is just the nature of the world, the shadow of the light. Some say it is rising and has once again become sentient. King Elessar rules with a just and even hand, but Men throughout the land are falling into darkness, succumbing to greed, hatred and violence among themselves and against the world. The Light of the Elves departs as the Eldar continue to withdraw to the West, leaving darkness in their wake.
Notes: Elves do not close their eyes during Reverie. While I have updated the sexual culture of the Eldar to reflect more modern values (and indeed the fact that I feel that such sensual and advanced beings would revel in such a pass time and consider it natural and pure), the concept that Elves can tell if other Elves have had sex actually is Tolkien's.
Chapter 9
Elrohir nudged Legolas into glancing up just in time to see Haldir leading Shu Lien onto the practice field situated in outside of Caras Galadhon. He was speaking softly, his hands clasped behind him while Shu Lien listened attentively as she strode beside him, her gaze focused thoughtfully to the ground in front of him. The conversation that the group of archers had been engaged in with Legolas and Elrohir stopped expectantly as their captain walked toward the center of the field where small groups had been talking or warming up. As the two neared, Shu Lien's eyes looked up and caught Legolas' and Elrohir's gaze and she smiled before sweeping the rest of the field.
Haldir introduced her to all of the archers of the group and Shu Lien bowed. Her demeanor was serious and focused as it always was around her practice. Haldir had previously asked her if she would teach the Elves some of the principles and techniques of her Way. He nodded to her at this point and stepped back slightly. Shu Lien took a breath and centered herself a moment.
"Our Way is a defensive one based on natural principles of harmony and balance. The cornerstone of our practice is awareness, focus and attention. We train our minds to be completely present and unencumbered so that we may react to any situation with authenticity: instantly and effectively. Sphericity is a central principle to all of our movements and maintenance of a strong center is crucial. All movement is circular and made with the strength of extending your life energy, your Chi, from your center. We do not meet a challenge with rigid strength, but move with it, adapting, embracing, redirecting the natural momentum of the offensive. In this way there is a unity of action and balance is maintained. The strength of the aggression itself is used in its neutralization."
Shu Lien paused and swept the group with her eyes. She stopped on one of the Elves who had been in the party that had escorted her when she had arrived. By the way he moved, she could tell he was a skilled and physical warrior. Holding her palm out in invitation she said "Actions teach much more effectively than words, would you be so kind?"
With a quick business-like nod, the Elf stepped forward as they put distance between themselves and the group. Shu Lien stilled her mind a long moment and then bowed coming into ready stance. The Elf sprang immediately at her aiming a quick succession of lightening strikes to her chest. Shu Lien deflected each blow easily, moving with the attack and finally pivoting to pull the Elf off balance and redirect the vector of his offense around her before reversing his momentum to throw him to the ground on his back. Helping him up almost absently, she explained briefly the basis of the technique to her audience.
Thus the next few hours passed as she demonstrated and practiced with the group some of the basic hand-to-hand techniques of handling differing attack styles and multiple attackers. The Elves were delighted to learn the ancient ways, which were new to them. Shu Lien was naturally an excellent teacher. She was attentive and observant and had the gift of being able to quickly ascertain the strengths and weaknesses of her partner and then intuitively match the level of her defense. The student was always challenged just slightly above their ability so that they grew and learned without being frustrated.
There were very few, even in the Romanórë, with whom, when sparring, Shu Lien could turn off the constant and draining monitoring and simply react unfettered. Legolas was one of them. Once he had grasped the Mandärin techniques he applied them beautifully and his skill and focus was such that they were nearly evenly matched, though her more extensive training in the practice gave her a slight advantage. Their strengths were different but complimentary, sparring with him was a true workout and challenge.
Shu Lien had presented her information with the help of almost every Elf on the field except Legolas, and she told herself that it was because she wanted them to see the techniques in context of their own fighting styles and with opponents that had not had training in the Mandärin Way. But in reality, Shu Lien still felt unsure of herself, and she wanted Legolas kept at arm`s length. Even though Legolas had basically offered her a fresh start, she was unable to offer herself this gift. Though her feelings had been submerged, her innocence had been stolen, and she was leery of herself and frantic to keep boundaries and distance, lest she loose control again.
Legolas had spent most of the night rebuilding his own defenses. He had talked himself into ignoring any wayward feelings and concentrated only on the practice. Seeing Shu Lien through the eyes of the Lothlórien archers renewed his respect for what a formidable warrior she was. She was a direct, serious, empathic and intensely focused teacher. Their awe of her skill and technique made him feel pride, for some reason. He did not indulge the part of himself that felt rejected at her avoidance.
Elrohir had noticed that she had conspicuously avoided sparring with Legolas too, though she had passed him over as well. While it was better, he could still sense the tension between the two. What they needed was a good spar. The disciplined suppression that each had lived with all of their disparate lives made them better physical communicators.
As it neared the mid-day meal break, he stepped forward during a transition, addressing Shu Lien in front of the group with his typical dramatic flourish. "Shu Lien, if you don't have any plans that I am spoiling, I think it would be an enjoyable ending to the morning to see a spar between yourself and Legolas. We have not yet seen the true extent of the Mandärin Way. It is quite a show... I am sure it would be appreciated..." He glanced at the other Elves with a broad smile as several voices raised in assent.
Shu Lien's face did not register the knot in her stomach. She nodded curtly and turned to Legolas raising her eyebrows in invitation. He stepped forward, face unreadable as well. "Choose your weapon." Shu Lien spoke evenly. She would not spar bare handed with him, she needed a weapon between them at least.
Legolas considered her a moment and then turned to Elrohir. "Your sword?" He put out his hand, and then turned with the weapon in it and a small challenging lopsided grin.
Shu Lien raised her eyebrows warming to the challenge with a measuring, tightlipped grin of her own. "Long sword? Very well." She took the few steps to Haldir and smiled her request. He handed over his weapon. Legolas and Shu Lien moved away from the group. After swinging the sword a moment to measure it's weight and balance, Shu Lien brought the blade to her forehead for a long moment, releasing her nerves, stilling her mind, breathing into the barren landscape of attention.
When Shu Lien looked at Legolas again, her eyes were the cold, still eyes of focus. Bowing, she settled in ready stance. He did not even give her a breath before he commenced his offense. She deflected his repeated strikes, her eyes focused on his body, not his blade, ascertaining the next move. Her other arm grasped his sword arm briefly as she swung herself across his body to plant a high kick to his head which he dodged by bending backwards. Her leg continued over his body so that in effect she spun around in the air over him, landing facing him again and deflected seamlessly his next perilous thrust.
Their spar, as usual, seemed an impossibly fast and intense dance. Both showcased their frightening fluency. Shu Lien used her body more in concert with her weapon, executing leaps, kicks and turns, while Legolas struck out like a spring from a grounded anchor.
Elrohir was pleased to see some of their inhibitions around each other fall away in the intensity of the match, but the distance between them was still evident to him. The speed of their exchanges was slightly slowed due to the enforced boundaries that prevented that complete merging they had achieved previously. Also the physical distance was kept greater, each keeping the other out of an invisible radius around them. He knew the other Elves would not notice this, but he found it fascinating just how much of their relationship was displayed by their spar.
With heaving chests the two broke the spar, Shu Lien bowing to him low as he inclined his head. Their impressed audience gathered around with questions and a discussion followed them to lunch.
~*~*~*~
Shu Lien knelt in the grass watching the Lothlórien archers loose arrow after arrow at the straw targets at the end of the field. Legolas and Elrohir were on either side of her, sitting cross-legged in the grass, taking turns quietly pointing out different aspects of the art of as it was displayed in the practice before them. Shu Lien was paying rapt attention. The cornerstones of archery seemed to be focus, breath and relaxation, and as such she could easily appreciate it as a practice similar to her own. The Lothlórien archers were very impressive indeed. Shu Lien had never disrespected archery as an art, but found herself developing a true reverence and appreciation for its skillful execution.
As the archers began to finish target practice and move down the field for the next exercise, Elrohir leaned around Shu Lien to address Legolas. "Well surely you aren't going to pass up such a perfect opportunity to show off!"
Legolas rolled his eyes and sniffed looking briefly at Shu Lien who grinned her encouragement. With a mock suffering sigh he stood, grabbing his bow from the grass beside him. With barely a casual consideration, he notched an arrow like lightening and loosed it at the target, following it in impossibly quick succession by five others. Shu Lien could not even see the target well enough to see the arrows clearly, as they had been sitting behind the line of archers and she had been watching their technique, more than their aim. She stood quickly and jogged a few paces closer. All five arrows had hit perfect center, the shafts all split and splintered by their proximity to each other. With eyebrows raised in awe, she turned and smiled broadly at Legolas nodding her approval.
"I am impressed." She admitted quietly as she returned to the two Elves. Legolas' eyes darted to the ground a moment. He chided himself for feeling so pleased to have her approval. Elrohir grinned at him and put his arm around Shu Lien's shoulders guiding her down the field. "Wait until you see what he can do with the clay pigeons!" He paused looking over at Legolas who was following them, "I don't know why I am contributing to making his head even bigger... If Gimli were here he would set me straight!" He laughed, releasing Shu Lien. She turned and smiled her amusement to the slightly embarrassed Legolas.
Legolas and Elrohir joined in earnest the archery practice for the rest of the afternoon while Shu Lien watched, continuing to analyze technique. She had learned much about the art and enjoyed watching the Elves' remarkable proficiency and Legolas' impressive, but modest, displays of his virtuosity. It was nice to see him in his element and appreciated by his peers.
~*~*~*~
Shu Lien was readying herself for yet another evening with the Galadhrim.
The week had almost run its course. Over the days she had almost succeeded in recreating her intense monastery schedule. She meditated and trained in the early morning and then joined the practice with the Galadhrim until lunch. She spent the afternoon and evening training and meditating on her own, occasionally being joined by Legolas or one of her acquaintances of the Lothlórien guard for a spar or two. It was soothing and centering to be able to commit wholeheartedly to her discipline and practice again, and Shu Lien began to feel more balanced. The other few hours left of her day she spent in quiet conversations with the ever-curious Galadhrim or wandering in wonder in the majestic wood. She saw little of Legolas, Elrohir or Gimli except in practice and at dinner. The tension she had been feeling around Legolas had gradually receded as she successfully buried her emotions below her discipline. While they were still friendly, she had put a comfortable distance - more reminiscent of the Mandärin formality - between them.
Unlike the first somber evening, the evenings hence spent in Lothlórien had been most enjoyable, and Shu Lien almost felt like she was back at the court of the Amaurëa in their congenial gaiety. She had been asked to call forth nearly every ballad or song she had ever heard. Their favorites, of course, were the two ancient Amarëan ballads which sang of the beauty and virtues of Lothlórien and its Lord and Lady. The delighted Elves had asked her to repeat them until all voices were joined in their singing. Shu Lien began to learn the ballads of the Western Elves as well, making short work of joining in. She enjoyed watching the blissful faces of those present as they offered up song after exquisite song to the evening breeze.
The Elf who had measured her for clothes unexpectedly announced her presence and climbed to the flet at Shu Lien's welcome. Behind her leapt Aiwëhina, climbing the ladder lightly with one hand, the other arm holding a rather large bundle, tied tightly in a square of white silk. The package was opened and the garments laid out over her pallet.
Shu Lien cried out softly in delight. The Elves had done a perfect job of recreating her home garb, except that the fabric was finer and more delicate than anything the Mandärin created. There were several outfits, three travel tunics and pants, several under tunics and two more formal outfits. Bowing low to the Elves she whispered her formal thanks in Quenya and returned her gaze to the clothes. Perhaps it was that this was the first piece of home she had glimpsed in almost a year, or perhaps it was that she realized that the symbolism of wearing these clothes would somehow make her feel more like her old self, but she was much happier to run her fingers over the fine work than she would have ever expected. Clothes were considered just a functional item for Shu Lien and the Mandärin in general, and usually given little thought other than to their comfortability. Pleased by the reaction of the human, the Elves withdrew offering friendly words of anticipation for seeing her at dinner.
Shu Lien chose one of the formal outfits. As she had told them, it was made in the subtle muted colors of her people. The main fabric was a rose which was as soft and delicate as dusk. The full sleeves were adorned with a wide strip of darker plum with a band of elegant embroidery at the hem. The bottom hem and the short tailored collar were trimmed with the same embroidery. The edges where the garment buttoned diagonally across the chest and down the side were trimmed in the same darker silk that graced the edges of the collar, hem and sleeves. The material was as soft and flowing as a whisper and it hung beautifully, gracefully following every move.
The under tunic was a collarless shift with tighter, tapering sleeves of unbleached cream with simple darker cream embroidery on the edges. It was made of a slightly coarser fabric which was still impossibly soft against the skin. The pants were cut of the same fabric as the outer tunic and had a similar trim on the hem, which were looser and fell slightly shorter than the western humans tended to favor. She wrapped the scarf of a darker dusty rose around her waist several times, cinching the flowing garment in and then tied it in an unassuming knot. Both of the tunics fell somewhere closer to knee than hip, with slits that almost reached the waist on the sides.
Slipping on the soft shoes, that she hadn't noticed before, Shu Lien bent her arms and then launched a leaping high kick to the side, tremendously satisfied by the freedom of movement the clothes offered. Sighing contentedly, she made her way to dinner, feeling pleased and much more like the Mandärin warrior that she was.
~*~*~*~
Legolas had been spending his time in Lothlórien regaining his center as well. He spent many hours on the archery range and the rest either in other forms of training, amiable conversations with his friends, or on long solitary walks and climbs in the ancient and sacred forest. He would not fool himself that he had succeeded in erasing the biting confusion and powerful emotions of the months previous from his soul, but they were effectively relegated to a part of his psyche where his mind could comfortably pretend they didn't exist. He saw little of Shu Lien and exercised a casual nonchalance when he did spend moments in her company. As she had done, he had withdrawn in a way that was comfortable for him. They had found an easy stride.
This evening from the dinner table, the first thing he noticed about Shu Lien was the difference in the way she moved. The smooth, fluid tension of her gait was accentuated by an easy sinuous flow. She moved as an unassuming and organic part of her surroundings, moving with the fabric of the evening instead of through it. She was completely at ease.
The Mandärin-styled clothes that she wore seemed to solidify her image. The Elvish clothes had suited her well, but seeing her in these - which fit naturally with her energy, movement and personality - gave him an altered impression of her. The styles were similar to the Elvish aesthetic, elegant and tailored, but the flowing fabric and looser cut emphasized her seemingly impossible mix of grace, strength, delicate femininity, and unadorned practicality. She looked different enough to him that he could see her for the foreign Mandärin warrior that she was rather than the friend that she had become. It made his heart sink strangely to realize so vividly how disparate their identities actually were.
The brilliant smile that she offered her friends at the table pushed Legolas' concerns back from whence they came and he easily returned with a smile of his own. She met his eyes with her unabashed pleasure and received his approving grin in answer. Legolas was touched by how pleased she was to be back in the clothes of her people. He suddenly understood how stressful it must be to be uprooted from all she had known under such circumstances and thrown into a strange and violent environment.
"What manner of Mandärin warrior joins us for supper this evening?" Cúthalion, one of the archers with whom Shu Lien had developed a friendship, asked smiling appreciatively as she neared the table.
Shu Lien just smiled delightedly again. "The clothes I have been presented with remind me of myself it is true, though they be far finer that that which I am accustomed to! I have your people to thank for being so restored. I was beginning to feel like an Elf!"
"Oh, clothes will not change your Elvish soul, Shu Lien!" Elrohir grinned.
She laughed."Gimli, do you think I should take that as a compliment or an insult?" Shu Lien asked resting a hand on the Dwarf's shoulder.
"An insult deserving of retribution!" He grumbled mirthfully amid chuckles around the table.
"The clothes suit you." Legolas said plainly, smiling as she met his eyes.
"Thank you, Legolas." She returned with a soft smile, as she held his gaze sincerely a moment.
"How many more nights do we have to learn the rest of these treasures you bring to our ballad hall from the Romanórë?" Cúthalion asked.
"Counting this one, three I believe..." Shu Lien looked to her companions who nodded.
"Then kindly sit down and eat so that the night doesn't fade into dawn before you have a chance to sing!" Cúthalion teased her gently.
Shu Lien bowed with a smile and took her seat between Gimli and the archer. The evening passed away quickly.
~*~*~*~
Shu Lien was walking back to her flet leisurely after a long evening of song. She would miss Lothlórien, of this she was sure, but she would be glad to return to her duty and have it completed. The package she wore at her waist was always in her consciousness. The respite had been welcomed indeed but she was beginning to lose the ability to ignore her pressing quest.
"Shu Lien..." A soft voice wove with velvet insistence into her mind. Shu Lien stilled her thoughts and surrendered to the gentle compulsion which was creeping over her. She allowed herself to be led in the opposite direction from her flet. Shu Lien knew that she was being summoned by the Lady. She allowed her thoughts and feelings to drop away as she yielded to her will.
She was led into a clearing beneath one of the largest Mallorns where a basin was nestled on a dais made of tree roots. The only sound was that of the whispering of the leaves above and a softly singing stream before her. Eyes sweeping the area, she saw Galadriel lightly descending the steps to join her, the glow of a harvest moon frosting her form. Shu Lien knew instinctively that she must not bow. For tonight, all formality dropped away. This was a meeting of unembellished souls.
Shu Lien drew near the basin beside which Galadriel had stopped, regarding her with overt contemplation.
"I would tell you first of that which you bear to Rivendell." Galadriel spoke in Quenya with no introduction. "The parcel is a ring. One of the great Elvish rings of power. Its name is Elencálë <Light of the Elves>. This ring may now not be wielded by one of pure Elvish blood, for it's power would quickly corrupt, as we of Middle Earth have grown too distant from the soil of Valinor. Its power contains the Light that the Eldar possess and was brought in ancient times from Valinor to act as a beacon, a remembrance to the Elves living in the mortal world. The Amaurëa were stewards of the dawn and of Elencálë, but were loath to tear it from these shores and bring it with them upon their Return. They believe the Light has yet to play a part in the destiny of the mortal world, even though our people continue to steadily leave the Entardar <eastern world>. Like myself, they could not see the path the ring must take, but believed that Lord Elrond, the Half-Elven, would be the proper steward for Elencálë until such time that he felt its time had passed and it should return to the Undying Lands." Galadriel stopped, cocking her head slightly, and regarded Shu Lien measuring. Shu Lien let her eyes close softly a moment, absorbing what had been said. She opened them when her thoughts had again settled.
The Lady's piercing eyes held Shu Lien's once more. "Second I would ask that you look in the Mirror, to see what it is that may lay before you and your people." Shu Lien nodded almost imperceptibly, feeling her breath rise and fall unfettered, and letting the bottom fall out of her fear and hesitation. Galadriel, picked up an urn and dipped it in the stream behind her, turning to fill the bowl.
Shu Lien stepped up to its rim and peered into its black depths.
At first only her reflection was seen, but slowly images began to swim to the surface. The face of an infant appeared, of the race of her people, in a moment she knew it was her.
The babe was held in a woman's fearful grasp as a man struggled to bolt the door, motioning her behind him with terror in his eyes. She ran, clutching the silent child to her bosom, to the back of the house, depositing the child in a wood bin and returning to her husband's side.
The snarling orcs that knocked the door down, and brutally took the lives of the two struggling humans who desperately, uselessly, used furniture from the sparse and simple room as their only defense. As their blood spilt profusely and black in the dimness, arrows rained into the room, taking the lives of the Orcs, but far too late.
White hands were shown opening the wood box and lifting the infant to an Elvish warrior's chest who sprinted into the night. She recognized him as Falmalinnar.
With a quickness that made her queasy, the images roiled until settling on a battlefield. The sky was gray, the ground was littered with the broken bodies of men, some moaning in the agony of painful death. Others marched, uncaring, over the arms reaching up to plead death as they withdrew to a dark stone city. All was black and dirty, a scum-laden river winding thickly around the severe walls of the fortress. No vegetation could be seen in the panning view of the land. There was a stench in the air of burning flesh, of rot, of greed.
Being given no time to draw a breath, the images rolled ever more quickly; dark images washing over her burning eyes. Images of brutality, of death, of corruption, and of domination. Humans had become as Orcs.
Finally the images faded to black for a brief second before following a dark and crude arrow on it's trajectory into the back of an Elvish archer. As it pierced his heart, he fell backwards off his horse, his face becoming visible. Legolas.
As Shu Lien watched the images, an uncontrollable despair and fear rose in her chest. Tears brimmed in the eyes that she could not tear away. Finally a single tear pulled free and dropped down into the pool touching the smooth surface and sending gentle waves emanating from it to the edge of the basin. Immediately the spell was broken and the pool darkened.
Shu Lien pulled herself back briskly, stumbling slightly, chest heaving. She stared unseeing somewhere in space, trying to process all that she saw and let the powerful emotions rip through her body. Galadriel waited silently for her to compose herself. Shu Lien felt that she couldn't get a breath, though her chest was desperately rising and falling. She must still herself. After a long moment she found her center again and looked up into Galadriel's unreadable face with quiet control.
"What does it mean?" She whispered hoarsely.
"I know not exactly. These are images from the past and from the endless possibilities of the future. They are meant to provide you council as you walk your path." The Lady spoke calmly, dispassionately. "One thing have I seen for certain in this sending: The Elves of the Amaurëa knew that your destiny would somehow be intertwined with Elencálë and knowing such, along with those of evil, intercepted the attempt on your life in your early years. Though whether that destiny goes beyond what has happened to date, is unclear, or perhaps simply has not been written yet."
The tranquilly spoken revelation of her words created further turmoil in Shu Lien. Her parents' death had been because of her. Shu Lien filed the information away to process later and blinked briefly through her grief before meeting Galadriel's eyes again with a fragile calm.
"Child, I can see little of the way ahead for you. Your own footfall changes the path of the future." Shu Lien bowed her head under the weight of her pressing confusion and emotion as Galadriel spoke. There was a long moment of silence.
"Shu Lien." The Lady spoke her name with softness this time. Shu Lien looked up wearily. "There is one more thing that I would have you know...one last thing that has made itself known." She paused meeting Shu Lien's eyes keenly. "You and Legolas are Tatyafëar." <double spirits> She spoke quietly, gauging Shu Lien's reaction. Shu Lien was not expecting such a revelation, the shock and confusion registered on her face.
"What? How can that be? I thought..." Shu Lien desperately recalled the two ancient ballads that she knew of the phenomenon. It was an ancient Elvish legend that spoke of the fëa of an Elf being split in the halls of Mandos to be born into two bodies. The union of the two in life brought completion to each. The first ballad was a tragic lament recounting the untimely death of one of the Tatyafëar and how the other had soon followed from an agonizing grief. The other ballad was about Galadriel and Celeborn themselves.
"I know not. None can remember that this has happened in history. It is indeed an anomalous event when an Elvish fëa takes a human form. Regardless, this is a most unusual occurrence. The last known Tatyafëar were Celeborn and myself." Galadriel said very quietly, looking at Shu Lien with compassion.
Shu Lien's brow knitted in confusion, she kept her emotional reaction to this news at bay and let her practical mind take over. "But my body is mortal..."
"Yes. That would not change, should you bind. Many things are shared between Tatyafëar, but immortality is a gift that may not be given in this way."
Shu Lien closed her eyes a moment and then opened them again to have the Lady's gaze pierce her heart with its intensity. "I offer only you this information, and not Legolas. It is your decision. I know what choices he would make. This is a difficult decision for you. You both have much to lose, and much to gain."
She paused, tilting her head slightly and drawing back with a measuring gaze. "I would offer you these words: Often times the growth demanded of our souls violently disrupts the foundation of what we have planned for our Selves." She paused a moment, a warmer, more comforting smile softening her eyes before continuing, "It has been said that only in our darkest moments may we recognize the true light within ourselves. Have faith in this, and face the world with patience and courage. Sometimes the most powerful weapon of a spiritual warrior is submission." With this Galadriel paused for another breath and then turned and ascended the steps without another glance, leaving Shu Lien to her thoughts.
Shu Lien's mind was reeling. She could barely process the physical world around her, she was so ensnared in the rolling tides of thoughts and reactions. Recognizing this she tried to rise above the fray as she made her way back toward her flet. She numbly climbed the ladder and undressed, dressing again in one of the simple gray travel outfits. She then descended to the forest floor and sought one of her favorite secluded spots in the wood. She needed to meditate.
As she walked, her mind raced over all that had been revealed. She felt a great and unknowable weight pressing against her shoulders. The importance of the package she carried made her feel impatient to begin her journey to Rivendell again. She was glad that she had not been told of its nature in the Romanórë, because it would have made trying to survive the onslaught of Mordor even more daunting and desperate.
She was simply unable to think of her parents' death at the moment. Those thoughts had been pushed far below the current agitation.
The idea of having a destiny that had been divined at such an early age confused her and made her feel powerless. The idea of having a destiny that was not yet written made her feel anxious.
The image of the arrow in Legolas' heart almost brought the lump in her throat forth in tears. The Lady had said that it was a possible future only, but seeing that image had filled her with a strangling despair and fear. She reminded herself that all she had at the moment was the present. All she could do was to be alert and try to protect him during the remaining time that they were together.
These images of the future must be heeded but not dwelled upon. What could she do to prevent so many dark and horrible events? What destiny would she be challenged to fulfill? At the moment she was more afraid than ever that she would not be able to meet these expectations, whatever they were, and a frantic tension in her chest belied her wish to control, to be perfect, so that she would not
fail.
The revelation of an Elvish fëa in her human body, if indeed true, seemed of no consequence to her. She felt that she was the same person in her heart for such knowledge. In the Romanórë, there was an old Quenyan saying that said the Mandärin were merely polishing their Elvish souls by their training. Such a concept was not disturbing to her.
What weighed heavier on her heart was what she had learned about her relationship with Legolas. How could something like this be in her stars? Could Galadriel be mistaken?
Shu Lien lived in extremes, the black and white. She lived immaculately as a perfectionist within the comfortable confines of the external rules and order of her Way. By devoting her life to this path, her decisions were made and she never feared to tread outside the boundaries of honor and principle. While having no need to control what was outside herself, maintaining control of herself had always been her first priority. To lose control would mean that her true self would be released, and the gray, the confusion and the strong emotions that accompanied a free self scared her.
It was much easier to suppress emotions than to truly release them. She simply could not accept her feelings for Legolas. The Lady said she had a choice. This was not an incontrovertible destiny. Going beyond the boundaries of her vows was not something she thought she could ever do. To do so would be imperfect. To do so would be weak.
And then there was Legolas' immortality. She would not be the reason for his eternal suffering. He was a sensitive and emotional soul... he would not survive. She would have him throw away a life of grace for but a moment with her. To do so would be selfish.
She sighed softly. There really was no question to answer with regard to Legolas. She would not speak of this to him. Perhaps if she could keep enough distance between them, all of this would change. Their emotions would settle, and once they parted ways in Mirkwood, perhaps Legolas would finally then find the courage to sail to Valinor and find a life of peace in that unsullied world. Shu Lien hoped he would.
Ignoring the whispers of her heart, Shu Lien sat under a willow beside a small pond in the evening forest. She breathed and let it all fall away, emerging with relief into the cool clear waters of serenity.
~*~*~*~
The following evening:
Legolas had spent the last hour trying to look casual as he searched for Shu Lien. She hadn't been at practice that morning, nor lunch and he couldn't find her in any of the usual places she trained in the afternoon.
Elrohir had remarked that she had not been seen, but Legolas did not discuss it with him. He did not want to see the subtle sympathetic look that his friend always got when Legolas mentioned her.
Climbing up the stairway to dinner, he searched the crowed flet but she was not here either. There was a frantic heavy weight that was smothering his heart. She wouldn't have left without word to them, would she? Legolas was mildly distressed to find himself so concerned with her whereabouts. It was an annoyingly clear indication that he had not managed to suppress his emotions as well as he had intended. He sat at a different table with some of the archers, instead of with Gimli and Elrohir, to secure a bit more privacy for his tumbling thoughts.
Dinner was almost finished when he saw Aiwëhina carrying a tray along the outskirts of the flet to the stairs. Excusing himself absently, eyes locked on the Elfling, Legolas weaved around tables and milling Elves to quickly catch up with her on the stairs.
"Aiwëhina... have you seen Shu Lien today?" He asked her quietly as he came up to fall into step with her. She turned and smiled up at him broadly.
"Legolas! Actually I was told to take dinner to her!" the Elfling replied looking like it was an amazing coincidence.
"Where is she?" Legolas smiled, quieting the urgency he felt.
"She is meditating in the forest. I was told also at lunch to bring her the tray and set it down without disturbing her. She didn't even see me bring it! When I went to go pick it up later, I thought she hadn't moved, but she had eaten some of the food, so I guess she had!" Aiwëhina babbled on cheerfully as she gingerly stepped over a branch which was growing over the staircase. Legolas put a hand on the Elfling's arm staying her.
"I will take the tray to her tonight... you may go back to your friends. Tell me where she is..." he felt slightly uneasy asking her this for some reason.
With no hesitation, she described the spot, which Legolas knew, and then, after handing over the tray, bounded back up the stairs.
~*~*~*~
Legolas balanced the tray carefully as he walked silently into the clearing. Shu Lien was sitting, with her legs folded under her, her palms nested in her lap. She looked tired and slightly gaunt. Something was wrong. Legolas set the tray down on a rock on the outskirts of the clearing and stood, examining her intently for any other clues.
Shu Lien sensed that the Elf hadn't left. She raised her eyes, expecting to find Aiwëhina.
Her gaze locked with Legolas'.
The shock of seeing him in her tired yet focused state dislodged all of her emotions around him and they ripped through her with a strength that made her gasp quietly at the intensity. She quickly shut down as she stood abruptly, promptly falling over as her stiff and numb legs gave way.
Legolas was dismayed by the intensity of the fear and upset in her eyes. She had stood up quickly and then crumpled back to the ground on hands and knees. He sprang to her side, squatting and putting a hand on her arm.
"Are you well?" He asked with quiet concern. Shu Lien scooted back into a sitting position, rubbing her feet and ankles, and subtly pulling away from his hand. Legolas noticed this and sat back, giving her distance.
"My legs... they are just asleep from meditating..." She whispered her voice hoarse from disuse. She cleared her throat softly as she continued to rub her legs, her eyes focused on her hands.
"I ... I am sorry to disturb you... I was worried..." Legolas stammered quietly, eyes watching her with concern as he prepared to get back up.
Shu Lien looked up and met his gaze. For a moment her breath was stolen. She had the sudden impulse to tell him all. To tell him of the weight that had been placed on her shoulders by her conference and to press her face into his warm shoulder and release her sorrow. She blinked her eyelids like swords, cutting through the emotional turmoil. She would not surrender to weakness.
When her eyes had met his, the agony and despair that was evident in their depths took Legolas' breath away. He felt the overwhelming need to reach out and pull her to him and wrap his arms around her, enfolding her in his strength. With a blink the emotion was submerged so that he was left wondering if it had been his imagination. He knew it hadn't been, and he was distraught to see her in such pain. He wanted to offer some sort of solace. "Shu Lien... " He began gently, quietly.
Shu Lien stilled him with her eyes. "Please, Legolas... I ... I can't ... please..." She whispered, her eyes betraying her tenuous grasp on her emotions. He understood.
"Forgive me." He said quietly, standing. Without another look he turned and left the clearing.
He could think of only one thing that could have disturbed her so in the enchanting Lothlórien. He wondered what the Lady had told her.
****
Shu Lien had not been able to rejoin the Galadhrim until the following evening. If it weren't for the fact that it was her last night among them and it was a duty to bid farewell to her most gracious hosts, she would have remained on the pallet of her flet all evening. She had managed to be what was expected of her at dinner, singing with what heart she had and chatting with genuine warmth for the last time with those she had trained with. She was sure they had all sensed that something was amiss, but they politely refrained from comment. She had caught all three of her companions regarding her with furtive concern at one time or another, but she kept her cordial distance from those who were close enough to question her. The evening ended in sweet embraces and whispered entreaties for another visit. By the time Shu Lien reached her flet she was somewhat lightened but exhausted and fell quickly into a dreamless sleep, still in the evening's clothes.
~*~*~*~
The coming dawn shook Shu Lien with gentle insistence from her empty dreams. She rose and prepared for the trip, washing, packing and dressing in the Mandärin-styled travel garb. It was of the same cut and style as the other outfit, but more simply adorned. The soft silver-gray material reminded her of the clouds that hid the tops of the imposing Entaramba mountains in the afternoons, spilling down the craggy face of the distant cliffs like a mournful sigh. The outfit was trimmed with thin bands of black silk and simple, elegant bands of gray embroidery. Shu Lien smiled appreciatively as she smoothed out the material; even the most functional and mundane of items made by the Elves was graceful and exquisite. Bringing her packs and weapon to the base of the flet, she meditated and trained for the remaining few hours.
Haldir came himself to fetch her as the morning wore on. He found her going through her Katas and watched surreptitiously for a moment before making his presence known.
"Shu Lien, Good morning. Are you ready to depart from our fair wood?" He asked with a smile drawing closer to her as she landed from a leaping turn.
Breathing heavily she returned his smile sedately. "Am I ready? No. But I am prepared to fulfill my duty." Shu Lien jogged lightly to her packs and strapped her swords on her back. Haldir followed her and wordlessly took one of her saddle bags from her.
"I hope you will find the time to return to us on your journey home. You would receive a proper welcome, I assure you." He suppressed a grin, as they fell into step together.
"I know all about your welcomes..." Shu Lien answered with a genuine smile, cutting her eyes to him as he chuckled. They spoke little on the trek to the outskirts of Caras Galadhon, where the horses would be brought, but the silence was companionable. Haldir always kept to himself for the most part, but his appearance as her escort spoke a thousand words to her.
The rest of her party had already arrived and were tending and loading their horses. Shu Lien quickened her pace when she saw her animal. Coming up to the horse, she began speaking words of loving welcome in Quenya as she stroked her. The animal nuzzled her affectionately, snorting in greeting; they had not seen each other the whole week. With an amused smile, Haldir came to her side and relieved her of her other pack (which she absently allowed) and went to settle them on the bare back of her steed.
Shu Lien was nudged from behind so that she had to stumble a step. Turning, she smiled at Legolas' horse who had come to greet her as well. Shu Lien laughed and stroked his nose, speaking softly and sweetly. His rider stood a few feet away regarding them with a thoughtful half smile.
"Good morning." Shu Lien said looking up at Legolas as the animals competed gently for her attention.
"Good morning." He returned in his soft melodic voice. Shu Lien let the automatic smile warm her face at seeing him and hearing his voice, but could think of nothing more to say. Legolas looked slightly uncomfortable as well, and he shifted, letting his attention be drawn by Gimli who was grumbling about saddle sores as he readied his pony.
Haldir regarded them both subtly as he secured Shu Lien's packs. He had suspected that something was going on between these two and now he understood. As a warrior, Haldir respected Legolas immensely for his talent and honor, but his fair looks, the fact that everyone - his archers included - seemed to worship him (which was not entirely true), the fact that everything seemed to go his way (which was also not true), made him feel envious and threatened. As such he had maintained a condescending distance, never entertaining friendship. He would have expected himself to feel glee at finally finding something that demonstrated that the Elf`s life was not as perfect as it appeared, but instead he just felt sadness and pity for them both. It did seem to have the effect of making him feel better, however.
Legolas' horse walked back to his rider shortly and nuzzled under his hand with insistence as Haldir came around to stand again at Shu Lien's side. She craned her neck around her horse to regard the packs and then looked over at him with a smile. "Thank you."
He nodded. His eye catching movement in the distance, Haldir looked up to see Celeborn and Galadriel approaching with a small entourage. He returned his gaze to the woman. "Shu Lien, you have brought many things to our wood which shall remain with us. The Guard would welcome you at our practice any time you care to join us."
"Thank you. I also take with me much more than I had at my arrival. Including an appreciation of archery... which Legolas will tell you is an accomplishment in and of itself." She smiled over to Legolas, including him in the conversation. He returned with a small smile of his own as he stroked his horse.
Haldir turned his body language slightly, including the other Elf. "I wish you both a safe and speedy journey and look forward to the day when I welcome you back to our wood." Haldir bowed slightly and withdrew, meeting Legolas' eyes as he walked past him.
Legolas followed him with his eyes a moment, amazed by his cordiality, and then returned his gaze to Shu Lien and she gave him a knowing tight-lipped smile .
Galadriel was drawing near, Celeborn having stopped to talk to Elrohir, and each looked up and withdrew into their own private anxiety at her approach.
"Legolas... Shu Lien." Shu Lien straightened from the bow she had affected at her nearing. With a serene smile the Lady met the gaze of each, returning to Legolas` eyes. Stroking his horse's nose absently she said to him, "Please give my regards to your father. We look forward to the time we may welcome his accomplished son back among our archers, even if for yet another brief visit."
Legolas bowed his head slightly, touching his forehead and then heart. Intuitively he moved to lead his horse away so that she could speak privately with Shu Lien, but the Lady's hand rested against his shoulder. He looked up, expectantly and met her piercing gaze. She said nothing but let a gentle compassionate smile tug at the corners of her mouth. Legolas took a breath, letting his eyes flicker closed briefly. She released his shoulder and moved on to Shu Lien as he withdrew. Shu Lien looked up from diverting her eyes to her horse, respectfully having kept to herself until she was addressed.
Speaking in Quenya Galadriel regarded her contemplatively, "Shu Lien, as is our tradition, I usually present those who pass through our wood on such errands with a gift, but I have seen that you are already in possession of all that you will need."
Shu Lien bowed her head, feeling her emotions beginning to rise. "Let your heart rest, child. Relinquishing control is the ultimate challenge for the spiritual warrior. Willingness and permitting are what is required, for how can you exercise control over that which does not yet have form? Doing so will bring you in contact with your own true destiny which rises time and again like the phoenix from the ashes of what we call fate." Shu Lien breathed deeply as she let these words sink into her heart and then raised her eyes again.
The Lady smiled kindly, bringing her hand to cup her jaw tenderly. "Shu Lien... remember this: In your darkest hour, do not be afraid to use the light that belongs to you in this world." Galadriel let her hand fall as Celeborn came to her side, and looked to him briefly, putting her hand on his offered arm.
"Shu Lien, your stay has been too brief, but we will not mourn your parting, for we shall welcome you again to Lothlórien, of this I am certain." Celeborn spoke softly with a smile.
"Knowing this lightens my heart, my Lord, my Lady. I would not be able to express my gratitude even in the exquisite language of Quenya for all I have been given." Shu Lien looked to the Lady, "So I will ask you to look to the brightness of the harvest moon asking her to show you what appreciation glows in my breast. I await the day when I may return to the illustrious Lothlórien. Now that I know true grace, the colors of the world will seem dull to my eyes." Shu Lien spoke the formal words with a somber smile, her mind still reeling with fresh emotion.
With this she bowed again as they withdrew, moving over to where Gimli was waiting patiently, hands nervously fiddling with the edges of the helmet that he had removed. Shu Lien couldn't hear what was said, but had to smile at his awestruck expression as the Lady bent to place a sweet kiss on his rough forehead. He looked like he would surely crumble to dust.
After a few more farewells from Elves that had accompanied the Lord and Lady of the Wood, the four travelers were led by several archers to the northern edge of the wood where they mounted and headed toward north Mirkwood between the bank of the Anduin River and the Misty mountains.
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