Title & Chapter Number: Border Crosser 13/?
Author(s): - Author's Index
Website: Moviecostumes.com
Fandom: Tolkien
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of J R R Tolkien, the Tolkien Estate and Tolkien Enterprises. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Warnings: Graphic het sex, violence, angst, character death. I am not responsible for any injuries that might occur while jumping from various old trees.
Betas: Zee, Lenara, SoErl.
Cast: OCF, Haldir, Galadriel, Celeborn... well, and almost anyone else you could imagine when thinking about `Lord of the Rings'.
Timeline: AU
Spoilers: None
Summary: If there was a passage to Middle Earth from our world, what would you expect to find? or: Tolkien invented Middle Earth - didn't he?
Notes: My OFC(s) are mine; the Elves that Tolkien invented (he did, didn't he?) are not mine (what a pity!). A special "thank you" to the Kronos Quartet / Clint Mansell / Fatboy Robert s for the "Requiem Overture", giving me (and brought me through) several dar k nights when writing this. Thanks to Xavier Naidoo and Rufus Wainwright for their music that inspired me. Thanks to the Goddess for letting me find peace and inspiration. And thanks to my ever-curious and inspiring beta readers, pushing me forward on each chapter.
Dedication: This one is for the two only real Elves on earth; To the Silver One: You will always have a special place in my heart and memories; to the Golden One: You are a legend, a saint and the only true heir of Gil-Galad I know. Let's burn them down! :-)
* SPECIAL WARNING: There are real people avatars innocently depicted in this fic. They belong solely to themselves, no harm became of them and no offence is intended. It is just my way to pay the tribute to these real people, for without them, we would not have words and images of the wonderful Elves in our heads. This is posted with the List Mum's approval.
Chapter 13 - Back To My World
I heard voices in the distance when I got up to the ground.
"But I am sure that I saw a light!"
"Ah, you know these old trees... this happened before..."
And the voices faded slowly, guided by the cracking of wood under their feet, which became more and more quiet as well.
I didn't move until I heard nothing else. While that time, I was aware of something else. There was emptiness inside my head; emptiness where just a moment before was life and laughter. I felt lonely, and I felt... not at home.
The part that seemed to be missing from my mind was the worst. I missed Haldir`s feelings as terrible as if someone hat torn parts of my brain out. He was not only missing from my head, but missing from my soul, as if my soul was clutching for his presence.
But at that moment, I had to think about something else.
"Chris?" Nothing. A little louder: "Chriiis?!"
"Here!" came the whisper from behind the foliage nearby.
She crept from the bushes. "These were the Park Wardens; we were lucky they didn't see us. Where the hell have you been hiding? They lit up the whole tree, and should have seen you!"
"Chris - I have to tell you something. I have found..."
"Tell me later. We have to go now; before they come back. Quick!"
Obviously, she was right, and I still had to take the task of having the contents of the phial analyzed that I carried in the bag which I had brought with me. The darkness allowed me to hide the bag which I did not possess some days, I corrected myself, minutes ago when I climbed on the tree behind me, from her eyes.
I stuffed it secretly, carefully into my backpack, did not care about changing my clothes as I had gotten used to Elvish dressing by now, and started to run through the forest, thinking about the time just before when I ran through the woods with Haldir.
As I reached the fence of the Golf Club, I jumped over it as I had never done anything else in my life, still having in mind what Haldir taught me in the woods.
Chris followed, gasping, her breath coming fast. "Why are you *running* like that, Dana? Usually, I am faster than you. That is unbelievable! Did you find the fountain of youth on top of that oak tree or what?"
"Later, Chris... I will explain later... as you have said; this will take too much time now."
We walked along the road silently, and immediately I was reminded how loud our world was; and also remarked on, probably for the first time in my life, how bad the air smelled. I wondered if the Border Crossers could become sick as well. I felt quite nauseous, but that was because someone had taken parts of my mind when I crossed the border. It was almost like the headache that I had when I focused so hard; but just without the pain.
Chris looked at me, in the bright light of the street lamps. "You are so quiet? Somehow you look strange," she said.
"Look strange? What do you mean?"
"Well," she answered, "I did not remark this until now... the days of walking must have done you good; but it's a pity that you have to rework your dress now." She pulled at the side of my skirt. "Either you have lost weight, or, once again, have laced your corset too tight. But as your complexion seems very healthy, it seems as if the fresh air of the countryside has done you well."
I stared at the floor, smiling on the outside and laughing in my mind, and remained silent. We walked some more yards, and she spoke again.
"What did you see there, on that tree?"
"I will tell you later, Chris... just wait until we arrive at the hotel. Please, don't force me... and would you mind to remain quiet? I need some silence now." I was still hearing the noise on the street in an unnatural loud way.
I wondered to myself that before I had fallen into this adventure, right into Middle Earth, I never realized how loud the streets of even a small town could be. Chris looked at me, puzzled, breathed as if she wanted to say something - but still remained quiet.
We must have been a funny sight that night in the streets of Birmingham; me still wearing an Elven gown and a giant backpack, and she wearing normal street wear, quite dirty from her hiding and crawling in the bushes, but I did not mind at that moment.
I heard Haldir`s words in my mind, again and again... `Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au' - Come back; come back soon and safe; melamin. I need you here...'
I thought that a good preparation of what I would have to tell Chris sooner or later would be something simple, something that she, having studied Tolkien's languages carefully, would find interesting.
"Chris," I started, "may I ask you a question?"
"Sure", she said, "if you want my honest opinion."
[there are other ways of answering me], I tried to focus on her without even realizing what I was doing there; that kind of conversation became so familiar with me within the last days that I just did it instead of thinking about it.
Luckily, it did not seem to work at all, and I started to speak again. "Could you translate something for me?"
"Translate? What language?"
"Oh, I am not sure - either Sindarin or Quenya... but probably Sindarin"
She stopped and stared at me. "My dearest Dana, what are you all carrying around in your brain? Is there nothing else you can think about after almost being arrested for breaking into a Golf Club?"
I stopped as well, turning around, facing her. "Honestly? No, there is nothing else that I could think of ever since we ran away from that tree; don't ask me why." I left out the part that I felt as if someone had taken half of my brain from me. "Now would you translate for me, please?"
She saw that I was serious about what I had said to her, and that I would not let her make any fun of it. "Uhm... well... if it delights your heart... just tell me."
"What exactly does `Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au'' mean?"
Her eyes widened in surprise, and she laughed. "Where did you pick up THAT?"
"Uhm, no idea, is that important for the translation?"
"Well," she said, "it would be important to know who could have said this to you"
"A friend?" I asked, fearing that the Elvish language that I did not understand could contain words that gave away who possibly could have spoken them.
"It means `My heart shall weep until it sees you again', and would be used amongst lovers..."
My heart was pounding, and for a moment I was fearing that she could hear my heartbeat over to where she stood; forgetting that she was not an Elf. Then I smiled, and was sad at the same time. My wonderful Elvish lover, the master of my headache.
"A lover's words, you say?"
"Yes... could you please finally tell me where you read these words?"
"Later, Chris, later..."
Finally we arrived at the hotel, and we both were taking a shower. I remarked that even the water felt different than the water in Lothlorien.
The Golden Woods, I never thought that I would miss them this quickly, and especially not that much. But far more I missed the gentle feelings of my beloved Elf in my mind. I asked myself if it could be possible that if I would stay here, not go back at all, I would die of insanity, because someone had stolen parts of my mind, my heart and my soul by separating Haldir from me.
After drying my damp skin, I dressed in my usual clothing and awaited for the appointment that I had made with Chris, to come over to my room when she was finished. I took the time to look through the things in my bag which I had taken from the backpack.
The sealed phial was still sealed; I had feared so much that it would break when I would fall on the floor, and I stuffed it carefully under my pillow. And there it was, Haldir' s clasp... I still remembered its weight and pressure on my neck, when I wore the draped evening dress. How much I longed to hear his voice, see his silver golden hair shining in the sunlight under the trees.
The knock on my door tore me from my dreams. Chris had finished her shower.
"Now, what did you find on that tree? Tell me."
"I can't... you must promise, dearly, deeply, by your heart and life, never to tell anyone, no matter if friend or enemy, no matter if they ask you kind or under torment, to tell what I will tell you now."
The surprise in her face about my introduction was unbelievable.
"Dana, I don't think I know you any more! Did I ever pass on a secret you told me to anyone else?"
I smiled, sadly. "No, you didn't. But this time, it is really, really serious, Ok? This is far more important than I am or as you are; this is a secret that has been kept for a very long time; and I want it to be kept safe; lock it in your heart."
I laid my hand on her shoulder and tried to look at her the convincing way the Lady Galadriel looked at me. Don't know if I succeeded; but she stood still. "Dana - what's up?"
"Chris, I have found the biggest secret on earth. I can barely tell you about it; you wouldn't believe me; but somehow I will have to prepare you for what you will see; so..."
I turned off the lamp, only a pale light from the street lamps came from the window to the room.
I searched her hand in the darkness; carefully placing Haldir's clasp in her hand. "Look at this. What do you see?"
She stared at it, lifted it up to let it shine in the light of the lamps that she had turned on immediately, and examined it carefully. "Oh... my God... this is... beautiful, really beautiful... where did you buy this? Where did you get this now? This is for me?"
"Uhm, no, not for you. I am afraid that I will have to give it back to the owner."
"Well... who is the owner?"
I took a very, very deep breath. If this would go wrong, I would end up in a padded cell with an nice white suit; sleeves knotted over my spine...
"Haldir of Lórien."
"What?"
"Haldir of Lórien - the March Warden, the Galadhrim warrior, you know."
"Don't make fun of me, this doesn't look much like Haldir's clasp in the movie. That was not a silver leaf, it was a golden moon, you remember?"
"You do not understand... It cannot look like Haldir's clasp in the movie; it's from the real Haldir."
"Come on, let a doctor have a look at you, as it seems as if you have knocked your head when falling from the tree."
I placed both of my hands on her shoulders and tried that look again. "Chris. I am not joking. Middle Earth really exists. And there is a gate between this world and Middle Earth, and we can pass it."
"You are making fun of me, that's enough. I will go to sleep, see if you are in a better mood tomorrow."
"Chris. You can go, but think of my words. Think what would be if they were really true. Look at me, do I look the same as when we started the walk some hours ago?"
"Well, you look good," she said, "the fresh air seems to do you well..."
"Do you think it could do me *that* well, in such a short time?" I got up, lifting my shirt, and showed her the lacing of my corset, which was completely closed; and I knew that she knew that I could barely close the corset up to about two inches the day before. "You are wearing a different corset than yesterday when I saw you, I guess."
"Yes, it is a different one - but you know, they all have the same size..."
She shook her head, gazing at the clasp again. "I can barely believe this, Dana," she said. I sat down on the floor.
"I know," I answered, "this is why I will show it to you. I would like to take you there."
She looked at me doubtful. "Now that's something I would love to see; but I am still not sure if this is some kind of joke from you, taking revenge for me making you walk through the English countryside."
"It is no kind of revenge, Chris;" I said quietly, "you will see that in one or two days."
"One or two days?" Her voice was full of doubt. "Why can't we go right now; why do we have to wait for two days?"
I rushed over to the bed and pulled the Elven phial from beneath the pillow. "Because I must have this analyzed."
She grabbed it from my hand and examined the Elvish bottle. "This is... wonderful, beautiful artwork in glass", she said, surprised, "Where did you get this, and what is inside?"
I sighed. Uncomfortable will the small cell be that they will lock me in...
"This phial was crafted in Rivendell, and was a gift from Lord Elrond to Lord Celeborn for his studies," I repeated the story I heard from the Elflord, "and currently it contains water, air and earth from Lothlórien... DON'T!"
I jumped forward, seeing her attempt to open the glass container and tore the glass vessel from her hand. I glared at her. "DON'T open that. DON'T touch that. You hear me? Lives are depending on the contents of this phial!"
She looked at me, disbelieving, also fearing and in a state of shock, and took a step back. "You are really taking this serious, right, Dana? You really think that these hallucinations that bottle and clasp which you obviously bought yesterday when we shopped separately seem to make you think you are true, right? Are you not sure that a doctor or better yet, a psychiatrist could help you?"
My eyes filled with tears. "Chris... please... believe me... I was there... I have seen them... I thought you would be the person who would understand, would be able to believe..."
"Let me summarize," she summarized my story, "you fell off a tree, landed in Lothlórien, and some minutes later you come back, and have brought a phial, Haldir's clasp and even found someone obviously not human if that language was used, who said "Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au'" to you? Don't you think that this story is a little unbelievable?"
I hissed. "You're right," I said, "this is hard to believe. But think; did I ever lie to you? Did I ever tell you such shit in order to make fun of you?"
She thought for a moment, then replied a simple "No".
"Well, then I would like to make a suggestion: You will come with me to the laboratory that I will visit tomorrow, and be with me when the contents of this phial are analyzed. If it is ordinary air, water and earth inside of it, I will excuse for anything I have said and visit a psychiatrist. If there is anything unusual in this vessel, you will come with me to the golf club again and jump off that tree with me. What do you have to lose on that proposal?"
"One more question", she said, "where do you know that there is such a laboratory in Birmingham?"
"It's not in Birmingham, it is in London; we will have to travel there."
"Ah yes", she said, "and how do you know about that laboratory?"
I thought of Peter's words; and also thought that mentioning Peter would probably be too much for the story I told her.
"Oh... uhm... I have just had a phone call with the information where I could find such a laboratory," I lied, and it really hurt me to lie to her.
"Well, I guess I will have to get some sleep now," she said, "and you should try to get some sleep as well, if you want to travel to London tomorrow."
"You're right," I said, "Goodnight, Chris... I hope I have not confused you too much; it really was not my intention."
"Don't worry, Dana... I just think that I will pity you when you are under control of a psychiatrist."
And she left me alone. I turned off the light, lying down on my bed, hands crossed over my chest. The thoughts of anything that happened came to my mind. The leaf wrapped leather shoe. The trees glittering in the starlight. A beautiful male elf, undressing for me in the pale light of the moon. And the beauty of the sight when the same Elf stood in his woods, his home, head arched back, enjoying the sunrays that passed through the treetops, their light playing on his face, the trees arching down to caress him.
I sighed. My mind seemed so empty without him; and it was getting worse every minute I was not in his world. Still I wondered why he had decided to bind himself to me. I was just a mere human. A Border Crosser. Mortal.
I could not sleep, and decided that it would be good to talk to someone who was not involved in the whole thing at all.
Soso. Soso would be a good idea. She was a friend, living in Norway; and I had visited her last summer, spending some time in the medieval camp that she and her friends had built in a forest near Oslo.
Grabbing the little phonebook from my backpack, I picked up the phone and dialed a Norwegian number.
"Ja hei, det er Soso," a tired voice greeted me in Norwegian language.
"Hi Soso, this is Dana."
"Dana? What... What time is it?"
"Uhm, half past two, I guess."
"Why are you calling me in the middle of the night, Dana? Problems? I thought you were in England..."
"Yes, I am. Uhm, problems? Nooo... just wanted to hear your voice for a moment."
"Am I supposed now to sing you to sleep or what?"
I smiled. "If you wish..."
"What's up, Dana. Tell me."
"Mmmh. Well. I got to know someone..."
I heard her raising from the bed.
"Dana? You got to know someone? Who? This is not you, Dana, you usually avoid getting to know someone'."
I smiled. "I usually have my reason for that, but he is... different."
"Tell me more. You managed to avoid all the nice words of my companions for weeks when you were here, and now you tell me that you have found someone in England?"
"Uhm, yes..."
"Well, he must be outstanding."
"Soso?"
"Yes?"
"Would you... would you... love someone, someone outstanding, even if you know that this could... endanger his life?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't ask. Please. Would you?"
"Depends."
Suddenly I felt sorry for calling her. I must have given her quite a scare. I carefully twisted the phone cable on the table.
"Soso? I can barely hear you...," I said, scratching the phone with my fingernails, "I think we loose the connection..."
"Dana? Hello?" I almost couldn't hear her through the noise my fingernails produced.
"Sorry, Soso.. I think we have a connection problem here... will call you again when I find the time."
I hung up the phone and dropped myself back to the bed.
Finally, I fell into sleep.
Excerpt from Chris' Diary, #2
Middle Earth exists! Middle Earth is real! Well at least Dana says so. And to get to Middle-Earth you have to jump from an old oak tree. And to get to that tree, you have to break in a Golf Club... okay... Either Dana has hit her head very badly by climbing on that oak tree and needs surgery, or she is making fun of me.
I don't know what to think.....it's soooo very tempting to believe that M.E. is real. That there is a real Imladris, that Legolas exists. Unfortunately, I'm no longer four years old. I'm 33 now and I found out long ago that there is no Santa Claus, no Easter Bunny and no Middle Earth. I love the books, yes, but they are not real. No way.
What would I give to see Legolas just one time, just from afar..... get real Chris, get real... M.E. and this hole LOTR stuff is a fairy-tale for adults nothing more.
While in Birmingham, we wanted to take some pictures in our Elven dresses, and ended up under an old oak tree in a Golf Club. And that oak tree is the passage to Middle Earth?
Okay, Dana even showed me 'proof' of M.E. a phial filled with water, earth and air of from Lothlorien..... well if she said she visited Imladris, I might be convinced, but Lothlorien... I don't know. Hey no fire? The missing element, and my favorite....
I'm sure Dana bought the phial and a clasp (which she insists to belong to the March Warden of Lothlorien...SURE!) when we shopped separately. I lost myself in a bookstore, so I do not know what she bought. Clasp of the March Warden, oh please.
And by some strange coincidence Dana knows a laboratory in London that will analyze her M.E. samples..... she truly wants to travel to London tomorrow to get that dirt in that phial analyzed. I will travel with her, she needs someone to look after her.
"Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au'" - Sindarin, the Elven language, for " My heart shall weep until it sees you again" this could be a term between parting lovers. Where did she *get* that sentence from?
Not that anyone will say something like that to me, hey I have a mirror and know what I see there when I look into it.
Well, Dana wanted me to translate this sentence for her. Wonder where she got that from. Odd, I do not remember reading it in any of Tolkien's books.
Great! They will arrest us, and lock us up in a sanatory for good. Not that my dear family will be surprised by this, they suspected for years that I will end this way, oh well. Let's travel to London and get arrested, isn't that a nice perspective? You bet.
I'm going to bed now, my head hurts and I'm cold. I suppose I caught a cold while hiding form the park wardens in the bushes at the Golf Club.
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