Title & Chapter Number: Border Crosser 9/?
Author(s): - Author's Index
Website: Moviecostumes.com
Fandom: Tolkien
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters, settings, places, and languages used in this work are the property of J R R Tolkien, the Tolkien Estate and Tolkien Enterprises. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Warnings: Graphic het sex, violence, angst, character death. I am not responsible for any injuries that might occur while jumping from various old trees.
Betas: Zee, Lenara, SoErl.
Cast: OCF, Haldir, Galadriel, Celeborn... well, and almost anyone else you could imagine when thinking about `Lord of the Rings'.
Timeline: AU
Spoilers: None
Summary: If there was a passage to Middle Earth from our world, what would you expect to find? or: Tolkien invented Middle Earth - didn't he?
Notes: My OFC(s) are mine; the Elves that Tolkien invented (he did, didn't he?) are not mine (what a pity!). A special "thank you" to the Kronos Quartet / Clint Mansell / Fatboy Robert s for the "Requiem Overture", giving me (and brought me through) several dar k nights when writing this. Thanks to Xavier Naidoo and Rufus Wainwright for their music that inspired me. Thanks to the Goddess for letting me find peace and inspiration. And thanks to my ever-curious and inspiring beta readers, pushing me forward on each chapter.
Dedication: This one is for the two only real Elves on earth; To the Silver One: You will always have a special place in my heart and memories; to the Golden One: You are a legend, a saint and the only true heir of Gil-Galad I know. Let's burn them down! :-)
* SPECIAL WARNING: There are real people avatars innocently depicted in this fic. They belong solely to themselves, no harm became of them and no offence is intended. It is just my way to pay the tribute to these real people, for without them, we would not have words and images of the wonderful Elves in our heads. This is posted with the List Mum's approval.
Chapter 9 -Moonlight conversations
We walked through the fresh evening air, side by side, some yards away from the Lady who seemed to have an interesting conversation with Jackson.
Haldir was quiet, staring at the ground, the flowers and plants, and obviously avoided looking in my direction. A question that I had thought about for quite some time seemed to be appropriate to release him from his thoughts, whatever they might be.
"Haldir... are the three of us - me, John and Peter - the only Border Crossers from our world that you have ever seen?"
He breathed deeply.
"Yes, well, no", he said, "a long time ago, my kin had many Border Crossers, even exchanged goods with them. I, however, have never seen them as I was not even born at that point of time"
"You exchanged goods with them?"
"Yes", he said, "there was another passage way at this time, in the lake, by the shores of Lothlorien, and..."
"Did you just say `shores of Lothlorien'? Lothlorien has no shores.", I interrupted him.
He looked down at me, raising his brow. "Woman, I have been living here about four thousand years, do you not think that I know my homeland better than you?"
I must have gotten a really dumb expression on my face. Lothlorien had shores. Shores? There was nothing around Lothlorien, just a quite wide empty space on the maps that Tolkien drew of Middle Earth...
"So Lothlorien is by the sea?", I dared to ask, still not sure if he was making fun of me.
He looked at me with a face that signalized he thought I was asking silly questions. "No, Lothlorien is not by the sea. Lothlorien is an island in a great lake. I thought you knew so much about us here, why do you not remember this important detail?"
I gasped. "Sorry, Warden; but this detail was not on the maps that I have seen."
"It was not on the maps? Which maps?"
"Tolkien drew maps of Middle Earth, but the only thing you can see on them that there is much space around Lothlorien, but no water."
"Tolkien drew maps of Middle Earth?" He shook himself in laughter. "But he has never left Lothlorien when he was here, how could he draw maps of a world that he has never seen?"
Now that really surprised me.
"Well, he wrote down the whole story of Middle Earth..."
His laughter came so hard and loud that he had to sit down by a bench. "He is not even twenty of your human years old, and you say he wrote down the history of Middle Earth?"
I slammed my hands onto my waist, glaring at him. "Haldir... that boy you are talking about... he would be already over a hundred years old if he was still alive; at least in the world I live in. He is one of our greatest authors, and within his lifetime, he wrote books... invented languages and races, I mean... well.. and don't forget that his visits here did not end yet..."
Haldir stared at me. "I always suspected that he spent too much time in Lord Celeborns library. I guess I will have to talk to Lord Celeborn on that issue."
That was typical Haldir, again, instead of excusing himself for making fun on someone, he changed the subject.
"Let me get back on the issue of trading goods... there was a passage, out in the lake? How did the people come here, over the lake... uhm, what was the name of that lake, again?"
"Atalante, the name of the lake is A-ta-lan-te", he pronounced slowly, "and they came here with boats, to our shores. This was, I guess, the only real time passage that ever existed, this meant, they could stay here as long as they wanted to, but the same time passed in your world." He looked up, to the stars. "It was an enormous passage, you could even *see* through it, to the other side, and five boats next to each other could pass it without problems; but these people were really primitive Humans; with their simple wooden boats; and they could not even learn our language right. They called us by the name of the lake, the Atalante people."
Atalante, I gasped. Could it be? Was that possible?
"Haldir, when and why did this passage disappear?"
"I have no idea; this must have happened quite some time before I was born. My father told me about it; there was a big storm that night, out, on the lake, and when it cleared up, the passage was gone."
I stared at the stars, trying to figure out what I had just heard. Atalante. Atlantis. That cannot be, I thought. And yet, it seemed to be true, and also made sense. The light haired people with the blue eyes; their knowledge, how tall they were. They were perfect citizens of what I would consider to be Atlantis. I was at a loss of words, and did not know what to say. I have just discovered the secret of Atlantis, I thought, I have just found out what mankind was searching for centuries. I could barely deal with this thought, and the wine that I had before did not help my ability to think.
"If you are so much interested in this issue, Lord Celeborn will certainly be able to provide some information to you; he has a great library and even more knowledge, I guess.", he said to me.
"Thank you for your advice, I will ask him tomorrow if he has some time for me."
"He surely will have", grinned the Warden, "He loves to discuss such issues."
"You don't love discussing too much, right?"
He looked at me, surprised. "No, I rather prefer to be quiet, as I can be when I am in the woods."
I smiled, remembering what the Lady taught me tonight. I focussed my thoughts on him. [So you like this kind of conversation better, Haldir?] He looked at me again, even more surprised than before.
[So it was not a daydream or the Lady playing games with me at the table...]
[No, just a try if I could do it.]
And suddenly, I discovered something else when he focussed on me. Instead of words, he brought a beautiful picture of the woods to my head, how the sunrays came through the trees in the morning. This did not just work with words - this also worked with images that you had on your mind!
[Would you like to see a little from my world], I asked him.
[If you have beautiful places in your world... show me.]
And I showed him. The beautiful sunrise of the Grand Canyon, the sight of wild animals running through the deserts of Africa. A view from a mountainside, looking down at snow covered mountaintops. An old, dark red rose, with sparkling dewdrops in the light of the morning.
I had to focus my thoughts on him hard to send the pictures to his mind, which was painful in my head, and so I stopped, grimacing my face in pain.
"Are you alright?" His voice dragged me from the pain. "Yes... I am just not used to this kind of conversation, it gives me a headache to focus on you."
And just this once, the March Warden found the proper words. "The pictures were beautiful.. thank you for taking the pain of giving them to me..."
At the same moment he gave back a picture to my head. A clearing in the golden woods, bathed in sunlight; colorful flowers all around. I smiled.
"I would love to see that in person", I said to him, "would you show me someday, if you find the time?"
"I will", he whispered.
He whispered to me. It was a relaxing sound, dark and familiar, just like a warm breeze on a summer evening in my ear.
The headache came back, even more painful. I cramped.
"Dana, you are not alright", he spoke out what I thought. "I know", I gasped, and felt tears of pain shooting into my eyes when the next wave of headache came.
"I am not a healer, sorry, I... Lady Galadriel!", he shouted over to her, who sat in a distance, still talking to Peter, and his loud voice gave me the next headache. She came over, floating on the ground, as it seemed for my eyes, which were almost blind of tears from the pain my head was suffering.
"What is wrong with you, Dana?"
"My head... I focussed... and then..."
"You tried too hard, my dear", she said. "This needs exercise, that you do not yet have. Would you run through the forest for hours without having trained running?"
I looked at her, her even face glowed in the moonlight, and just by looking at her it seemed that my headache went away. Oh no, there it was again, torturing me.
"Haldir, bring her to her room, and guard her until the morning breaks. If it gets worse, call for me, and I will try to ease her pain, if I can; but at the moment, the Elvish medicine would just make her more weak that it would help her."
Without a further word, Haldir got up and took me on his arms, carrying me away.
His arms felt so warm and strong, I thought, then the pain came back, and I leaned my head to his chest, trying to think about nothing, as it only seemed to give me more headache.
He seemed to fly up the stairs, without making a single sound with his feet. Sooner than I expected, we arrived at my room, and he laid me down on the bed carefully, pulling one of the chairs near so that he could sit on it by the bedside.
I turned around, just a few minutes, I thought, if I could sleep just a few minutes... there it was again, another wave of headache; even worse than before, and I cramped my body, putting my hands over my face and whimpered.
He immediately sat by me, looking at me sadly. "I am sorry", he said, "I enjoyed the sights you gave to me, and makes me sad to see that you have to bear such torment for this."
He removed the hands from my face. "Let me see if I can do anything..."
His fingers laid down on my forehead, massaging it gently, sliding down to my temples, while quietly murmuring Elvish words to me that I did not know nor understand, but which were soothing and relaxing. Another wave of pain struck me, but it was less than the one before, just making me grimace, and a single drop of tear of pain ran down my cheek.
He stopped what he was doing, and looked at me concerned. "Should I go and fetch the Lady?", and careful used an edge of the sheet to dry my tear.
"No", I murmured, with my eyes closed, "Just go on, I think it is getting better...".
He continued to massage my temples, and murmured his Elvish words to me; and even if I could barely think at that moment, it still came to my mind that hearing him speak in his natural language sounded even better than to hear him speak my language; even if I did not know what he was saying.
With each minute that passed, I felt better, and soon the headache was barely noticeable.
I opened my eyes; the sight of him, eyes closed, the lips moving in the moonlight, murmuring the Elvish words, obviously as concentrated as he could be, was incredible, but as I thought about letting him go on just to be able to watch him, I decided that this would not be fair. I grabbed one of his hands with mine, speaking slowly and quiet.
"Haldir.. thank you.. I think my headache has gone... and you said you were no healer..."
He pulled his hand away from mine, as if I had burnt him with my touch; and stood beneath the bed with a fast and elegant move from one moment to the other.
If I would have been able to think the usual way, I would have asked him why he did this; but in my condition, I just did not remark it. He walked over to the window, taking a deep breath.
"I am not a healer", he said quietly, "it's just something my mother did to me when I was still a small Elfling and had a headache."
I looked at him, leaning at the window. He sat down on the window sill, obviously not fearing the height, and looked peacefully over the treetops of Caras Galadhon.
"Your world has some beautiful places to offer", he said.
"And so has yours", I replied.
With an elegant move of his body, he leant over to the table, taking the phial and a glass, and filled some wine into it, which he drank carefully, slowly. "I would love to see myself what you have showed to me", he said, "but I will never be able to see this; as it would kill me."
I caught up the subject on what I thought he might think of. "Isn't it, well somewhat boring to be in the same place for four thousand years?"
He looked at me. "One day, I will leave this place, sailing to the Undying Lands with my kin."
"Tell me about the Undying Lands", I said, curious if it would match with Tolkien's bare descriptions.
"It is beautiful there... the plants and flowers live forever; do not need to die like in this world... and the air is filled with singing and laughter."
I smiled, seeing his longing for this place in the way he looked.
"Do you have such a place on your earth as well?"
"Well, not on my earth. but some people believe that if we die, we will come to heaven; which should be an equally beautiful place. Others believe, that we are reborn again and again, in different kinds of lifeforms; and even others think that we will go nowhere, just die and stop existing, leaving nothing."
"And what do you believe?"
I reflected. "Well, I personally do not know what to believe. I think that there will be no end to my soul, because I think the soul is immortal; but I honestly have absolutely no idea what will happen to my soul..."
He smiled, sipping his wine. "You are a good woman, and if you were an Elf, I would be sure to meet you in Valinor some day."
I glazed out of the window, looking at the stars. I realized that I, the usual average woman, was just having a friendly, quiet, nightly conversation with the Elvish March Warden of Lothlorien. I smiled, shaking my head. If anyone had told me about something like that just a week ago, I would have sent him or her directly to a psychiatrist.
I got up, slowly, stretching my neck and arms, and walked over to the table, to pour myself a glass of wine.
"Do you miss your home?", he asked.
"Well, I... no... I have seen so much here, learned so many things and thought about so many things, I did not miss my home too much; in fact, I did not even think about it very much."
"Don't you miss your husband?"
"My what?" I laughed quietly.
"Well", he said, somewhat surprised by my reaction, "you are well fed... do not look too bad, for the average human woman, at least from what I know about humans... you are funny, friendly and have gained some wisdom in your life... do not tell me that you have not yet managed to find a man who will care for you... whose heirs you could carry, making him proud of you."
I almost dropped from the bed, so hard was my laughter.
"Heirs? Proud because of heirs? Haldir, I have had some men in my life, but be assured, *none* of them gave me the feeling that he would be together with me to make him `proud of his heirs'."
He almost dropped his glass. "You have had *some* men in your life? Were you raped by a mob, or how did you survive when they left you?"
"Haldir", I said, "the human love is different from your eternal love.
We do not need to get bound to just one person, and do not need to die if this person leaves us in whatever way.
I guess this is because we humans are mortal - we do not have the time to spend an immortal life together, and maybe think about fixing a problem in a time of about five hundred years, which would be a laugh for you Elves.
We want to live our short life now, and here; not in eternity. We do not have the time to fix the big problems. And I think this is why our mortal, broken hearts heal easier than the immortal hearts of the Elves, and makes us fall in love again after a heart was broken."
His eyes filled with surprise and disbelief. "You fall in love, again and again? Where is the sense in human love, then?"
"Well", I said, "there are exceptions. Some of us love forever, at least for the time given to us, and some hearts are broken just once, and are never able to feel love again."
Remembering, I turned my face away from him, looking out of the window where the moonlight gave a pale light to the trees of Caras Galadhon, and the stars seemed to have fallen to the earth and landed on the trees, where I could see a thousand star lights. It was such a beautiful sight that my eyes, shortly before filled with the tears of memory, now filled with tears for this overwhelming beauty. Peter had done well copying this all for the movie; I heard his laughter somewhere down there, where he sat with the other Elves.
Suddenly, Haldir stood beside me. "Why do you have tears in your eyes?"
"It's this beauty here. This unbelievable beauty", I replied.
"No, there must be something else; I sensed your sadness before you looked out of the window. Your heart was broken, right?"
I stared at the floor. "Yes, once upon a time... I had someone who broke my heart. And I don't think that it will ever be healed completely."
He looked at me, sad. "I do not know about a broken heart, for I have never experienced such", he said, "but I feel very sad for you."
"You never loved before?", I asked him, recalling that he had to be about four thousand years old.
"No, I have not; otherwise I would either have a wife that I would be bound to - or I would not stand here with you."
I turned towards him, and thought if I could dare to touch the perfect skin of his face with my imperfect hands. A big knot formed in my throat.
"Haldir... I... you told me to ask, well, may I touch your face?"
Instead of giving me an answer, he leaned back for just half an inch; barely noticeable, but I remarked it.
"OK, I won't."
"Do not understand me wrong, Dana", he said. "I am just afraid what might happen then. I am afraid to love. Even if I never loved myself that way, I have seen some other Elven hearts breaking; and believe me, this was not fun."
"I do not want to break your heart, I just asked if I could touch your face."
"Do not. Not like that. You will hurt me."
But before the tall March Warden could turn away from me, one of my fingertips stroke his cheek.
He stood there, frozen and fearing; and I remembered this look in his eyes from the moment I touched his hand when he was chasing my headache away.
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