Title & Chapter Number: Haldir's Redemption 1/9
Author(s): - Author's Index
Fandom: LOTR
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my soul. No money is being made from this story and all rights and privileges belong to the Tolkien Estate.
Warnings: Angst, H/C
Betas: Kissaki, Alex from Haldir Lives
Cast: Haldir/OFC and most of the elves and fellowship including some of my own characters
Timeline: Just before the fellowship arrives at Lorien and after they leave
Spoilers: LOTR, Two Towers
Summary: Sequel to Haldir's Therapy. Haldir has been injured at Helm's Deep and finds that he needs Nerie more than he thought possible but his stubborness and arrogance gets way too much in the way. Plenty of angst, assault, pain and battery……..and forever love…..all say aaahhhh!!
Notes: Feedback always appreciated. This is an ongoing story.
Chapter 1 - New Dawn
Light slowly entered Haldir's eyes, stuck fast as they were after so long laying unconscious. Blinking slowly, the grittiness making the movement painful, he began to focus to where he lay. Laying on his front, his back a dull ache, the first thing he saw was a familiar figure of Arvarno asleep on the chair beside the bed. Scents of lavender, kingsweed and stale sweat assailed Haldir's nostrils as his mind attempted to make sense of where he was. For a second or two, he wondered if he had come to Valar. Then frowning slightly, Haldir realised that he was on a human bed in a human room. He had survived! Head aching and longing to breath properly, Haldir attempted to turn over, only to find his right arm was failing him. Weakness had set in as well as general stiffness of his body making movement difficult. Haldir's dark eyebrows knitted together more in frustration as he tried to move over but try as he might, he was as weak as a kitten. Groaning with ache and frustration, Haldir slumped back onto the bed. He saw Arvarno raise his head.
"I see you have decided to re-join us Haldir." Arvarno smirked as he leant forward to stand.
"Less of being funny my dear friend and help me turn over." Haldir replied more sarcastically than he should have.
"Of course! Would you kindly assist me though, use your legs."
Arvarno replied, a wide smile across his face. He would never admit to Haldir that he had not left his side for the four days that Haldir laid still.
Using his arms under Haldir's, Arvarno slowly turned him over, hearing the hiss of pain through Haldir's teeth as he finally settled Haldir back onto the cushions. Now sitting slightly upright and onto his back, Haldir could see the room that he had been laid in.
The dark stone walls of Helm's Deep, grey as a stormy night, surrounded him. Candles gave most of the noticeable light in the dark, enclosed room, as the only window was high up and small. The sun shone outside, making a beam of light through the window to fall across the floor.
"I thought we had lost you Haldir." Arvarno murmured as he sat on the side of the cot.
Haldir attempted to lift his right arm and to move his fingers but try as he might they would not budge. Arvarno watched with concern. Mithrandir had warned that Haldir might lose the use of his arm. Secretly he had prayed to the Valar to give their help to a fine warrior and friend but as Arvarno watched, it seemed the Valar had ignored his request.
"It will get better mellon. Try to be patient." Arvarno began knowing full well that patience was not one of Haldir's strong points.
Haldir frowned with increasing frustration, then hissed again as he tried to sit up further.
"Do you want to undo all the healing that Mithrandir and Aragorn have done," Arvarno said reproachfully.
Haldir frowned and tightened his lips. "How can I draw a bow with only one arm Arvarno. How can I be the March Warden like this," Haldir replied, pointing to his right side. "I can sense when you are lying to me. What have they said?"
Arvarno remained silent, unwilling to repeat what Mithrandir has said.
"Arvarno?" Haldir growled, "Tell me!"
Arvarno licked his lips and looked downwards. As he looked upwards, Haldir's face had not changed. Sighing deeply Arvarno replied, "They fear that you will not get all the use back mellonnin."
Haldir sat stock still and shut his eyes. Never again would he draw a bow. Never again will he enjoy life to the full. Forever a cripple and needing others help.
"I wish I had gone to Valar." Haldir whispered.
"Nay! You cannot say this!" Arvarno replied, horror in his voice.
"You should have let me die Arvarno! I cannot live like this!" Haldir shouted, shame and deep sorrow of a life seemingly lost filling him to his soul.
"Haldir-" Arvarno began but Haldir cut him off with a wave of his hand.
"Leave me," Haldir whispered.
"But-"
"LEAVE ME!" Haldir screamed, raising his left hand to cover his face. Arvarno watched Haldir for a few seconds, then nodded. Silently, he padded to the doorway, then taking a final look, walked through the door and shut it behind him.
Haldir looked upwards, tears streaming down his face. "I should have died." He whispered to no one.
~*~*~*~
"Is he awake?" Aragorn asked, as he sipped his hot tea whilst eating his breakfast with the rest of the men of Rohan.
Arvarno sat down, his heart so heavy he feared it would break. "Yes but we have a problem."
Aragorn raised an eyebrow, a movement that reminded Arvarno of Lord Elrond when he wished to know more.
"Go on," Aragorn murmured as he took a bite of honey covered bread.
"He knows." Aragorn looked downward, his chewing slowed until he swallowed.
"I take it he did not take the news well?"
Arvarno shook his head as he pushed both his hands through his hair in frustration. "I do not know what he will do. He may simply fade."
Aragorn's eyes widened as he popped another piece of bread into his mouth. "Do you think-"
"I do not know what I think my lord," Arvarno interrupted, frustration building. "All I know is right now he wishes he had died."
Aragorn placed a comforting hand onto Arvarno's shoulders. "Then we will have to make sure he doesn't get his wish won't we. I sense the Valar have more use for Haldir than he thinks." Swigging the last of his tea, Aragorn stood up. "I will go see him."
Arvarno looked upwards. "I fear his mood will not be accommodating to guests."
Aragorn smiled reassuringly and patted Arvarno on his shoulder. "He will see me. He has no choice. Get some food for you have not eaten for days. I will not have two sick elves on my conscience." With that Aragorn moved away from the tables and walked towards the corridor as Arvarno watched him.
"Good luck." He whispered.
~*~*~*~
"Can I come in?" Aragorn's gentle voice echoed slightly in the guest room. Haldir opened his eyes to see Aragorn stood at the doorway entrance.
"If you wish." Was his reply.
Aragorn nodded his thanks as he came into the room. As he sat down, Aragorn watched Haldir's impassive face for signs of emotion. He saw none as the blue eyes gazed back.
"May I check your back." Aragorn asked, motioning with his hand to the injury that Haldir had sustained.
Saying nothing, Haldir leant forwards to allow Aragorn to assess the wound. After a few seconds, Aragorn leant back, allowing Haldir to lay back on the pillows.
"It is healing fine mellonnin. There will be no scar." Haldir frowned.
"That is not what I am concerned about Aragorn and you know it." Haldir muttered, frustration and anger clearly in his voice.
"I know of what you mean Haldir. Let us not hide things between friends. Both Mithrandir and I are concerned about your arm, that I will not deny. What I will demand though is you give time a chance to heal."
Haldir's blue eyes grew dark as he stared at Aragorn in anger. "I should have died Aragorn. We both know this so why did you save me?"
Aragorn placed a hand onto Haldir's arm, to which Haldir stared at it with disdain. Aragorn removed his hand, then with both, pushed his hair away from his face. Bringing down his hands, Aragorn sighed deeply.
"You know, as well as I, that we know not the plans that those in Valar have for us Haldir. All I know is that if they deemed it necessary for you to live then there is a reason."
Aragorn watched as Haldir looked downwards to his useless hand. "Think of Nerie Haldir. Think of your child. Would you want Nerie to spent the rest of her life alone? Would you want your child to grow up never to know its father? Can you do that to them?" Aragorn urged gently.
"Nerie would never love a cripple." Haldir whispered.
"Nerie loves all you Haldir, not just your arm. I think she will surprise you. Nerie is mortal yes?"
Haldir nodded silently.
"She is willing to grow old with you Haldir. You, who will always be young in her eyes but will see her as she grows old. She will end up crippled and aged in such a short time for elves Haldir. Yet she is willing to share this with you. Are you willing to show her how you are now, at this moment?"
Haldir looked upwards, his blue eyes misted.
"I think you underestimate her Haldir. From what Arvarno has told me she is a strong character who has enough love for both of you. Let her love heal you Haldir."
Haldir nodded, emotions welling deeply but he didn't want to show Aragorn how deeply those emotions tossed.
"I am tired." He muttered, pulling the sheet upwards.
Aragorn smiled, understanding that the conversation had ended. He could only hope that he had done enough.
Placing a hand on Haldir's shoulder, which this time did not shake off, Aragorn murmured,
"Rest well mellonnin. I will check you later. And try not to be short with Arvarno. He has not left your side since you came here."
Haldir nodded and heard Aragorn pad to the door. The door opened then closed. Silence came and Haldir watched dust particles drift with unseen air currents in the beam of sunlight that pierced the gloom. Haldir's heart lay heavy in his chest as his mind was is turmoil. Just a few minutes it would have been so easy to take the decision to leave, to die. Now, in the pain and confusion, Haldir was reminded that he had a life that was growing and would depend upon him. He could not leave the child fatherless.
Sighing deeply, troubled thoughts and emotions running through him, Haldir shut his eyes. He would have to stay.
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