Title & Chapter Number: Before the Dawn Trilogy 1: Long Lost Words 2/2
Author(s): - Author's Index
Website: Hith a Naur
Fandom: Tolkien
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: No money, no suey
Warnings: Slash
Betas: Silvara, the most patient beta in existence and my 'Gamma' reader, Ilye -- who has proved invaluable!
Cast: Celeborn/Haldir
Timeline: Winter, Year 2513 of the Third Age
Spoilers: None
Summary: Galadriel comes to Celeborn, telling him of her plans to leave Middle-Earth in their future. The truth of their marriage and his where his love lies is brought to his attention and he must make a decision that will affect himself and his March Warden, who is more than reluctant to allow the Lorien Lord to have sway over his heart once more.
Notes: Yes, I know. I said only three trilogies, didn't I? ^^ "Time Until the End of Time" is complete, yes. This story, though, touches on the few facts we are given in that series regarding Celeborn and Haldir. In the second trilogy, I let everyone know the two Lorien Elves were lovers when Celeborn sent Haldir to retrieve Glorfindel. Here is their story. ^^ Just like the others, it is based on the songs that inspired them -- these are Evanescence.
Imladris -- 130 of the Third Age
Celeborn sat in the rocking chair near the window, his eyes filled with tears. He held in his arms his first grandson. Elladan had screamed for hours and finally calmed once Celebrian had put him into his Ata'da's embrace. Galadriel paced a few feet away, rocking and singing softly to Elrohir, who had become distraught when Elladan had been removed from the crib.
"They are beautiful," Celeborn breathed.
Galadriel smiled her knowing smile, regarding her husband with a sadness in her eyes. Elrohir had finally calmed and Elladan was sleeping deeply. She motioned for Celeborn to put their grandson in the crib with his brother and pulled him into the hall. They walked silently to their rooms, Galadriel deep in thought. Once in their suite, she turned to him.
"My Lord, why is it you have never taken a lover?"
Celeborn was taken aback by the bluntness of her question. "It would do you a dishonor, my Lady."
Galadriel laughed, the tinkling sound warming Celeborn's heart. They had not married for love, but they had grown fond of one another through the years. Galadriel was a kind, wise woman and Celeborn found her to be a very generous companion. "Celeborn. We have had our daughter. She had grown, married, and now has children of her own. You have fulfilled your duty to me and our child."
He shifted uncomfortably, hating that they were having this discussion at all. "Why do you bring this up now, my Lady?"
"Two reasons. The first is I have seen how you look at Elrond's Captain when the Elf decides to remain in the house for more than a night. He runs from you, and I do not know why. Can you tell me, my Lord?"
Celeborn knew that Galadriel probably already had a good grasp on the relationship he and Haldir had shared. He cleared his throat and took a seat on the bed. Galadriel seated herself elegantly on the window seat, crossing her legs and folding her hands in her lap. She was the perfect image of composure. "He and I were lovers before we agreed to marry. It did not end well, and he left Menegroth for Nevrast. I lost track of him when Turgon took his people to Gondolin, but he resurfaced in Gil-Galad's court after the siege. We did not speak to one another, though, until after Eregion, when we were defending ourselves in this very valley."
Galadriel cocked her head to the side. "He still carries this pain from your parting?"
Celeborn could not look her in the eyes. "I offered him my bed, back in Menegroth. He refused, told me he was not my whore. I loved him, he just could not reconcile that I could love him, and you and I could still marry. I made a mistake when he and I spoke here last. I... took advantage of the situation and just made him think I thought he was nothing but a body. He has not spoken to me since."
"Yet you still love him..."
"Yes." He had never been able to lie to her. Celeborn did not think it was possible for anyone to hide the truth of their heart from his wife.
She nodded slowly, her eyes distant as she seemed to look at something he could not. "He loves you. He is just very... conflicted. You should seek him, win his friendship and see if he can ever move beyond what he sees as a betrayal on your part."
"Galadriel, I will not befriend him in the hopes of taking him back into my bed. You have that place in my life, not him." He was growing frustrated; she did not seem to understand his need to be loyal to her. He had decided that night, after Haldir had rejected him, that it was better to be faithful to his wife and spend his lifetime chasing after the warrior.
"There was a second reason I asked you why you never took a lover. My time here in Middle-Earth is ending."
Alarm lit Celeborn's eyes. "Are you not well?"
She chuckles, lowering her eyes. "I will soon leave these shores, Celeborn. I will leave you behind. You will not sail from Middle-Earth for many years after I. My respect and yes, even love, for you dictates I should counsel you to fulfill your heart's desire. We may never have fallen in love, but I have come to care greatly about you and your happiness. You are not happy and never will be if you do not take this step. It is not a betrayal to me or our daughter. It is a betrayal to you and Haldir if you choose to ignore my wisdom."
The Lady of Light stood and stroked Celeborn's cheek. "You have made me very happy all these years, my Lord. Let me make what remains of yours as joyful as mine have been."
~*~*~*~
Celeborn sat in the small office that Elrond had given to Haldir. The Captain was due back any moment now and he was eager to speak with him. Galadriel had gone to Celebrian after their talk that morning and was engrossed in their grandchildren. There was a twinge of guilt in his gut at taking what Galadriel offered so freely, but he put that aside, needing to be looked upon with kind eyes once more by his old love.
After a few moments, the door to the office opened and Haldir entered. He looked tired and he rubbed at his left shoulder. When he raised his eyes and saw who was waiting for him, he froze. After taking a moment to compose himself, he sat down behind his desk and began working on his report for Elrond.
"Haldir."
Celeborn's heart beat rapidly when the crystal eyes he knew turned indigo with passion looked at him with barely concealed disdain. "My Lord."
"I wanted to speak with you." He was nervous. How could he be so nervous? He felt like an Elfling confessing his first crush.
Haldir smirked at the Elf-lord, sarcasm dripping from his tongue. "Have you come to discuss the future with me once more? Perhaps I should kneel before *you* this time?"
Celeborn had the grace to blush with shame. "I was wrong to have done that, Haldir."
The Captain was stunned for a moment. That had not been the response he had been expecting. He had thought the Lord had come in to try and bed him once again, not apologize for his behavior. "What is it you want, Celeborn?" He finally gave in and used the Elf's name, an intimacy Celeborn did not miss.
"I want us to be friends, Haldir. Nothing more do I ask of you. I miss your presence in my life." Celeborn stood up and walked to the lone window in the room. "You run from me, from your own home. Do not think I have not noticed that you spend months out with your patrols, coming back only to report and sleep, then you are off again." He turned back to Haldir. "Is that why your relationship with Lord Glorfindel did not last?"
Haldir looked away. "Glorfindel and I... are too much alike. We cared for one another, but it was not enough. We are still close, but no longer lovers. You had no bearing on my time with him."
Celeborn nodded, not believing the Elf for a moment. He knew the Seneschal and the Captain were still close and very good friends, something he had never managed with Haldir. "Are you friends with him because you never loved him?"
Haldir met Celeborn's gaze. "I am still friends with him *because* I love him."
"Why could we not have been that way? Why did you leave Menegroth?"
The younger Elf leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "We are not friends, Celeborn, because I am *in* love with you."
There was silence for a moment as Celeborn absorbed the meaning of the contradictory statements. "I would never have forced myself on you, Haldir."
"I know. I could have stopped you that afternoon in the tent. I could have fended off your advances had I stayed in Menegroth. But, I didn't. You wish to be friends? Then you must forget we were ever lovers. I have spent millennia doing so, I know I can ignore the past. Can you?" Haldir knew he was going to be putting himself in a precarious position, close enough to love but never to touch. How he still loved his Silver Prince, but he could not hurt the Lady Galadriel, he would not hurt the Lady Celebrian. His sense of honor for Elrond's family dictated his actions, and he would bring no harm to them he could prevent.
"I will forget, Haldir. I swear."
Two words sealed the fate of the two Elves. Oaths were not taken lightly among the Firstborn, and both knew the implications of such a promise. Haldir nodded, and let a smile come to his lips.
Celeborn was brought to near tears when Haldir's body language softened, when those hard eyes became warm once again. And that smile... the smile was directed at him. He could never let go of his warrior, even if it meant that they would never share more than friendship. It was far better than nothing.
~*~*~*~
Imladris -- 1981 of the Third Age
The party for Lothlorien was setting out. Celeborn, Galadriel, Rumil, Orophin and a several other members of Imladris would journey to the Golden Wood that day. Celeborn was now the Lord of Lothlorien, a title he was pained to take since it meant the loss of Amroth. But, he would not dessert the people Galadriel had become fond of. They needed protection, and the Lord and Lady could offer such security.
Haldir stood next to Elrond, tall and proud. Celeborn had not asked the Captain if he would be willing to relocate with his brothers. Rumil and Orophin had become close to Celeborn, looking upon him as a father figure. This was a relationship that Haldir had encouraged, feeling Rumil could benefit the most from such an influence in his life. They may have long reached majority, but a father was always welcome.
Celeborn came to a decision then, returning to Elrond's side. "Elrond, I would like to request that I be permitted to recruit your Captain for the Guard of Lothlorien. We have much work ahead of us and such a seasoned warrior would be invaluable in fortifying the borders of our new lands."
"So long as my Captain wishes it, he is free to journey with you." The Peredhel turned to his long-time friend. "Well, meldir? Would you like to take on a new challenge?" Haldir looked hesitant.
He wanted to follow Celeborn. Over the centuries, their friendship had blossomed and he was loath to see his companion leave. But, Imladris was his home. Had been for many years. He chewed his lip indecisively.
"You can always return, Haldir, should you find that you place is here and not in Celeborn's service." Elrond place his hands on Haldir's shoulders, his eyes showing that he felt the opportunity was worth the risk.
Haldir nodded once. "Let me pack my bag. I will be but a moment."
Glorfindel followed his old lover, wanting to say goodbye privately. He watched Haldir throw his most valuable possessions into his saddlebags. "Meldir, I will be sure to have the rest of your life sent to you in Lothlorien. Do not look so lost at choosing what to take with you. Take only what you cannot live without. I am sure Elladan and Elrohir will be escorting Arwen to see her grandmother very soon."
Haldir turned large, lost eyes on his friend. "I think I shall miss you the most, melethen."
Glorfindel smiled, walking over to the silver-haired Elf. "I will miss you terribly." He cupped Haldir's cheek in his hand and leaned down, kissing the petal-soft lips one last time. "Now, go, before I do something we both know is not wise." Haldir nodded and ran from the room. Glorfindel sighed sadly. He had always had a soft spot for the lonely Captain. He knew he would be making several trips to the Golden Wood soon, just to make sure Haldir settled in well in his new home and role.
~*~*~*~
Lothlorien -- Winter, 2513 of the Third Age
The three brothers trudged back into the main settlement in Lorien. They usually resided in a talan on the Northern Fences, but Celeborn always insisted his Captain and his two Lieutenants came to the royal talan when the first snow fell. It had become a winter tradition, one the youngest brother looked forward to every year.
"I miss Ada," Rumil said wearily. Long ago Celeborn had given Rumil and Orophin permission to call him their father. Haldir, who had known their parents, had not begrudged his siblings their comforts.
"I know," Haldir replied. "We're almost home."
"It feels like coming home, doesn't it, gwanur?" Orophin stood on one side of Rumil, his arm looped through his youngest brother's. Haldir walked on Rumil's other side in the same position. Orophin smiled over at his older brother.
"Aye. It always has."
~*~*~*~
They had been home for two weeks. Rumil, Orophin, and Celeborn were in a corner playing a game with one another, Haldir's heart warming to hear Rumil's giddy laughter. His youngest brother, he thought, never seemed to grow up, to lose his childhood innocence. Haldir returned to his book, sipping the mulled wine Celeborn always had warming by the hearth.
Galadriel glided into the room, smiling at the two Elves she had grown to count as her own children. They had attached themselves to her, seeking her approval and love. Which she gave in abundance. They were brave warriors, spending most of their year defending their home. How could she not care for them? But, her eyes tonight were for the introspective Lord Haldir.
"Haldir?" His clear aqua eyes looked up from his book, his smile bright and welcoming. He had never treated her with disrespect, she thought. He had never made her pay for marrying his lover. She had found him to be a very special Elf, once worthy of Celeborn. If only Haldir would see that.
"Can I do something for you, my Lady?" He placed his book and mug aside, standing with respect.
"Haldir, during these winters I have asked you to remove all titles when addressing me. We are family, after all." She looked fondly to the two brothers, her heart swelling with the look of pure adoration she saw in Rumil's eyes.
The March Warden bowed his head. "As you wish, Galadriel."
"Walk with me? I would like to visit the gardens."
He gave her a quizzical look. "The gardens? It is after dark, there is snow on the ground, and you wish to go for a stroll?"
"We are Elves, Haldir." She smirked. He had always been uncomfortable around her alone. "The cold should not bother us tonight."
He nodded, giving in to her desires. He always did. Haldir had never been able to deny his Lady anything. Which was why he had agreed to come in to the main settlement each winter. It was more for her than Celeborn. They may have grown into a deep friendship, but the pain was still there, the longing ever present. He retrieved their cloaks, bid his brothers and Celeborn a goodnight, and exited the warm room with the Lady of the Wood.
They walked silently for a few minutes, Haldir with his hands clasped in front of him with Galadriel's arm looped through his. Galadriel stopped in front of a low bench and gracefully sat herself down, pulling Haldir with her. Haldir inhaled the sharp, crisp scent of winter and smiled. He was content. He could not say he was happy, but he was content.
"Haldir," she began. "I look upon your brothers as the sons I never had."
He nodded. "For that, I am thankful. Rumil, being raised by me, has suffered much. It is not that I do not love my brothers, for I do and am very close to them... but there is something to be said for a mother's affections. And that, I could not give them. Since we arrived in Imladris, you have made their lives so much more full, and I will be forever in your debt."
"Will you listen to how I wish you to repay such a debt, March Warden?" She was not looking at him, her eyes cast up to the clear, dark sky.
"I would do anything my Lady wishes, so long as it is in my power to fulfill."
"Then I would like for you to repay a debt of love with love."
His brow furrowed. "I do not understand."
She smiled in her mystical way, lowering her gaze to his. Such wisdom and tranquility shone in her eyes, endless patience is what he saw. "Of course you do, mellon-nin. Long ago, he made a promise to you, swore to forget your past relationship and deny his love for you. Why did you have him make such an oath?"
Haldir looked away, his pale features coloring slightly. "I would rather not discuss this with my Lord's lady."
"Your Lord spoke to me of it the day he went to see you. It was upon my urging that he attempted to set straight wrongs against you. You accepted him into your life once more, but you forced him to choose between your disfavor or your closeness. He chose closeness, not wanting to see that look of disgust in your eyes when you would regard him. He may have hurt you in years past, but it is you who has caused the scarring between the two of you." Her voice had always remained level, impartial. She wanted him to see she was not judging him, merely showing him what was.
He could no longer look into those deep, bottomless blue eyes and began to scrutinize his boot. "He left his own scars, my Lady," he mumbled.
She placed her hand on his thigh, lightly stroking it and willed him to look at her. When she had his eyes once again she said, "You created your own scars, Haldir of Doriath. You refused him. You left him. You ran, and you hid. When he found you once more, he was excited -- thrilled with the opportunities with which he was presented. He went about it wrong, but you once again sent him away from you. He has tried. He kept coming back to you." For a brief moment, hatred flashed across his fair features, but it was gone before she had even registered the emotion. "How long will you make him pay for doing as his family, as his position, demanded?"
"You are telling me to begin an intimate relationship with your husband, are you not?" He could not believe what he was hearing.
"I am asking you to repay what you consider a debt."
"By laying with Celeborn."
"Whether you enter his bed or not, Haldir, is your choice. I ask only that you release him from his promise. He has not taken another since that day in Imladris. Not even me. He is yours, as sure as you are his. But, he will not act upon it, not when he is sworn to bury that love and devotion he feels for you. Ages, Haldir," she said emphatically. "For Ages he has loved you as he could love no other." Galadriel's gaze became intense, her need to get her point across making itself known to Haldir. "I do not begrudge him love. Not when he has shown me such happiness and reverence as he has in all our time together. You would make him as happy as he has made me, as I have made your brothers. Perhaps it is time for you and he to be as happy as we have been."
"I see the wisdom in your words. I know you speak the truth in many ways. But, I am not certain I can release him from such a promise. I am not certain I am capable of loving him freely as I once did." His voice trembled slightly, and he looked away from her once more.
Galadriel rose from her position and looked down at the March Warden. "You have faced love lost, the fall of your beautiful city, the loss of friends, numerous wars and battles... You can face Celeborn."
He watched her slowly walk back to the large staircase that would led her up to her rooms. He had know the Lord and Lady did not share sleeping space, but the statement that Celeborn had not shared his bed with anyone -- even his wife -- in all those years made her departure more pointed.
She had offered him his heart's deepest desire. Could he take it?
~*~*~*~
Celeborn lay on his bed, resting on his side and reading the latest scroll from Thranduil in the dim candlelight by his bedside. Sometimes he wondered about his kin. It seemed his son-in-law reconciled with the Mirkwood King a few years ago, and the Peredhel was going to be spending this winter in Mirkwood with his twin boys. He chuckled. It was about time the two Elves came back together. He sighed and placed the piece of parchment on his night table, rubbing his eyes and yawning with fatigue. He heard a slight shuffle come from his doorway and opened his eyes.
Haldir stood in his sleeping robe, his hair slightly mussed and his face swollen from sleep. Celeborn smiled, remembering years gone by when that same rumpled mess would awake in his bed, the eyes the color of a mountain stream coming to awareness at his side.
"Good evening, Haldir. Is something wrong?" Haldir had never entered his private chambers, not in all the time they had lived in Lothlorien. This was indeed a surprise, but to Celeborn, it bode ill that the March Warden had sought him out.
"Many things are wrong, my Lord," was the quiet reply. Celeborn's eyes narrowed and he sat up quickly. He motioned for Haldir to come further into the room.
"What has happened?"
Haldir stopped in front of his seated Lord and looked down into the silver eyes that still looked at him with compassion. He could also see, deep in their depths, the love buried and kept tightly in control. He reached out his hand and caressed Celeborn's cheek, the first intimate touch he had bestowed on the Prince in millennia.
Celeborn started, shock coursing through him, along with repressed desire. The look in his March Warden's eyes made his heart leap in his chest. There was love... love and desire reflected in the cool gaze. "Haldir," he whispered, his voice raw with emotion. Could this truly be happening?
The Captain leaned down, his lips touching Celeborn's with some hesitance. When the Elf-lord opened his mouth to him, Haldir knew it was right. He slid his tongue into Celeborn's mouth, tasting his love once more. The kiss deepened when Celeborn came out of his shocked state and returned the kiss, his tongue dueling with Haldir's. After several long moments, Haldir broke the kiss and knelt before Celeborn.
"Melin lle."
Celeborn's eyes widened at the admission and he felt tears spring to his eyes. With a broken voice, the Lord of Lorien replied, "Amin mela lle, Haldir." He knew he was released from his oath and took Haldir into his arms, relishing the warm weight of his lover once more. He laid them back on the bed, facing one another on their sides. He wanted to take this slowly, to love Haldir as he had in Menegroth.
But desire and need would not permit him to. Haldir seemed to feel the same, his hands making short work of Celeborn's shirt and sleep pants. Once Celeborn had been disrobed, Haldir tossed his simple robe away as well, pulling himself close to the naked body of his Lord. He had missed the feel of Celeborn, his smell and sounds. He silently thanked Galadriel for opening his eyes.
"I need you, Haldir," Celeborn whispered harshly. "Now."
Haldir chuckled. "Then have me, my Lord."
Celeborn adjusted their position so that he knelt between Haldir's legs, smirking as they fell open immediately, inviting the Lord to take what he wanted. There would be no foreplay tonight, he simply wanted to be inside his long-lost love. He reached into the bedside table, fumbling impatiently, and finally pulled out a small ceramic phial. He removed the stopper and poured the thick liquid onto his fingers. Haldir inhaled deeply, the scent of lavendar and walnuts filling the air.
Celeborn slid a cool, slick finger inside Haldir; the March Warden squirmed slightly with discomfort. "I see I am not the only celibate one in this room, am I not?" Celeborn smiled lovingly at his partner as a blush crept over the proud features of Sinda.
"I..." Haldir panted. "I just... never wanted... anyone else." He closed his eyes as Celeborn began to slowly and gently prepare him. They may desire a quick coupling, a need to be one once again, but Celeborn would not harm him. He felt a second digit join the first and he relaxed into the touch, sighing and thrusting back to meet Celeborn's hand.
Celeborn's arousal throbbed with each heartbeat; he wanted to cover Haldir and claim him as his once again. He gave up on preparation and oiled his cock generously instead, lifting Haldir's legs toward the March Warden's chest and positioning himself at the entrance to Haldir's body. He looked into the lust-darkened eyes of his lover, waiting for him to tell him he was ready. It took all the self-control he had gained through his thousands of years to not thrust forward in one motion. He slowly breached the tight muscle, feeling Haldir tense beneath him. He stopped, panting with restrained need.
Haldir took deep breaths, slowly exhaling and willing his body to relax and accept Celeborn. After a few moments, he nodded to his Lord and Celeborn began to slide inside him again. When Celeborn felt himself sheathed to the hilt, he closed his eyes and shuddered. He paused, allowing Haldir to become accustomed to him again. When he thought he would burst from need, Haldir moved slightly against him and he knew to proceed.
After the first few thrusts, Haldir was able to relax completely, wrapping his long legs around Celeborn's waist and pulling his love closer, deeper inside him. How he had missed this. Missed the sense of belonging he always felt when he and Celeborn made love. The Prince's thrusting became faster, more frantic, and Haldir let out a loud groan when Celeborn took the Captain's rigid length in his oily hand. He threw his head back with abandon, writhing and moaning words of devotion and love to his Lord.
Celeborn felt himself slipping over that edge, his body tightening and humming with release, and he pumped at Haldir's cock more fervently. Haldir cried out Celeborn's name as his seed spilled over the Lord's hand. Feeling Haldir's orgasm and the clenching of the impossibly tight passage of Haldir's body, Celeborn felt his own release ripped from him as he pumped his essence into Haldir. It had been so long, and he collapsed against the shivering, panting body beneath him.
Haldir let his legs fall from his lover's waist while he wrapped his arms around the slick back, sighing with deep contentment. Long moments later, Celeborn lifted his head from Haldir's chest, eyes heavy with sated passion. Haldir smiled at him, a smile full of love and peace. The Captain moved a damp strand of mithril colored hair and tucked it behind a beautifully pointed ear.
"Melin lle, my Lord."
Celeborn kissed Haldir softly, tasting the Elf beneath him thoroughly before pulling back. "Melin lle, Haldir." He moved from above Haldir and pulled the March Warden close to him. "We're sticky and wet, melethen. As much as I would love to simply fall asleep here with you in my arms, we should bath and then retire."
Haldir chuckled, his heavy limbs protesting as he sat up. "Agreed."
The younger Elf came around the bed and held out his hand. Celeborn took it and Haldir led him to the small bathing chamber. Smiling as his lover filled the large pool with the rain water, Celeborn knew that Haldir would never leave his side again.
Long lost words filtered through Celeborn's memory, ones of pain. Clear blue eyes full of tears and hurt. 'Remain with you? As a consort? I always thought I meant more to you than that.' He caught Haldir's attention with a soft gaze. "You always meant more than that to me, Haldir. Always."
Haldir knew what Celeborn was referring to, he could sense the path his Lord's thoughts had taken. He smiled gently. "I know."
~*~*~*~
Additional A/N: In the Fall of Gondolin scene, the dialogue between Turgon and Tuor is straight from Tolkien. ^^
*Elvish/English translations:
*Seron vell : Dear lover (beloved)
*Melethen : My love
*Melin lle : I love you~*~*~*~
End Long Lost Words
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