Title & Chapter Number: Anywhere On My Own 2/3
Author(s): - Author's Index
Website: Hith a Naur
Fandom: Tolkien
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own LotR or any characters, lands, or items from the Tolkien world. They belong to their respective copyright holders.
Warnings: None
Betas: Silvara & Menel, who kinda got sucked into the job since it was her gift.
Cast: Legolas/Aragorn
Timeline: TA LotR
Spoilers: None
Summary: Legolas must come to terms with the futility of his love for Aragorn and the future King must accept that the Elven-Prince cannot be his.
Notes: This is my Christmas gift to Menel, who has been a well of encouragement and inspiration. Her love of Legolas and Aragorn got me writing this piece and I hope it lives up to her expectations of my work. She is a great friend and marvelous author. ^^ This is dedicated to her.
III
It had been over three decades since he had stood before these vast white walls, this city of cold stone. For thirty years, he and his Dwarf companion had traveled the lands of Arda. They had traveled first to the Glittering Caves, spending many months exploring the dark recesses near Helm's Deep. Legolas had found a new appreciation for the mountains, and after Gimli's curiosity had been sated, they set off for Fangorn Forest. They had spent endless days exploring the old forest, listening to the trees speak and tell their stories. When they had fulfilled their obligation to one another and seen their bargain to its end, Gimli had suggested they continue their travels. The Elf, still running from his ghosts, had eagerly accepted. They visited many lands: The Brown Lands, where the Entwives had last been seen; the Sea of Rhûn; Eryn Lasgalen, where he introduced his father to his closest companion. Thranduil had not been impressed but had welcomed the valiant Dwarf into his home. After a short stay in Thranduil's caves, they continued to The Lonely Mountain and then to Ered Mithrim, where Legolas met Gloin and spent several weeks in the hospitality of the Dwarves.
The two had seen Emyn Uial, gone through the Shire, visited Mithlond and Harlond, stopped and wondered at Eryn Vorn, and finally found their way along the coastline to Dol Amroth. They were welcomed by Prince Imrahil, now aged and tired, but happy to see the two members of the Fellowship. It was there that he had learned of Eldarion, Elessar's first born son. On their travels, they had heard of Arwen and Aragorn's first two daughters; Gimli had always sent small gifts and letters to the family, attaching Legolas' name to them with his. Gimli, upon hearing of the birth of the heir, had stood with an expression of stone and demanded that they go and pay their respects to the King and Queen of Gondor.
For so many years he had kept his heartbreak close to him, keeping it away from Gimli and never sharing the reason for them not returning to Minas Tirith. When Gimli had set his foot down, had insisted they travel the White City, Legolas felt it was time to confide in the one who had been his sole comfort, his only friend, why he never sought the former Ranger out. Gimli had been shocked, and had immediately shown sympathy for the hurt Elf. Legolas had smiled and explained that Gimli's company and their travels had lessened the ache in his chest, that he no longer wept bitter tears when he was alone and allowed himself to remember. The Elven-Prince knew all had come about as it should have and that Aragorn had achieved his destiny. Gimli still pressed that they should take gifts and congratulations to their friend and Legolas had relented.
Through a correspondence with Faramir while they resided in Dol Amroth, Legolas knew that the Sons of Elrond, the Hobbits who were left, Celeborn, and a host of other dignitaries and names he remembered from a lifetime ago, would be gathering in Minas Tirith to celebrate the birth. This was when Gimli decided they should return.
Now, making their way slowly through the gates and up to the brightly lit top tier, Legolas thought back over his years. He regretted nothing, he would choose this fate all over again if he had the opportunity. The banquet was already in progress when they were met by Faramir.
"You're late, my Lords," he said.
Legolas smiled and embraced the Man. "Be happy that we are here at all, my friend!"
Gimli laughed and the Steward led the two to a small guest suite; they had shared each other's company for so long, it was second nature to room together.
"Would you like me to announce you to the King?"
Legolas shook his head. "Nay. We will bathe and change and will make our way to the dining hall shortly."
Faramir nodded and left them to their own devices. Gimli looked up at the Prince. "Going for a dramatic entrance?"
Legolas only smirked and walked into the bathing chamber.
~*~*~*~
Legolas entered the filled dining room with Gimli by his side. They walked purposefully to the King and Queen's table, ignoring the shocked silence their unexpected presence brought.
The Prince of Eryn Lasgalen was a vision before the court. Loose grey leggings peeked out from a pale green robe that hung loosely about his lithe figure. It was cinched at his waist with a simple brown sash and was open from the belt to his shoulders. A deep forest-colored tunic was exposed, embroidered with gold leaves and delicate filigree. His shimmering silver shirt reflected the low candlelight; the full, billowing sleeve caught tight at his wrists. The green and gold of his long cape whipped behind him as he approached the table, his high polished black boots ringing loudly with each step.
Legolas' hair was arranged in perfect, elaborate plaits that displayed his position in Elvish society. A mithril crown of ivy leaves and emeralds adorned his brow. His eyes were cold slivers of ice when he stopped before the King and Queen, a smile that did not reach his eyes on his lips.
"My King, my Queen," he began in a clear, even voice. "I have come to give my best wishes and congratulations to you on the birth of your son." He produced a small, colorful box and presented it to Arwen. She took it from him, with a small frown of disapproval on her gentle face. "A small token, my Lady, for I have been abroad for many years and not able to procure an appropriate gift for such a joyous occasion."
He bowed low and gave a nod to Celeborn, Elladan and Elrohir before turning on his heel and walking just as briskly from the room. The silence rang in the Prince's ears all the way back to the suite he would share with the Dwarf. Who, he thought as he pulled the crown from his head, would be irate when he got back for the night.
~*~*~*~
He opened the door after the soft, hesitant knock. He had been up since dawn, but Gimli's snores could still be heard and it was now mid-morning. Legolas opened the door and found a blushing maid looking at her hands.
"Yes?"
"My Lord, the Queen wishes for you to join her at this hour in her bower. I am to take you straight there." She would look everywhere but at him.
Legolas sighed with annoyance, something he rarely did. He had hoped to leave by the noon meal, head up toward Eryn Lasgalen and see his father. It had been nearly two decades since he had seen the King. Instead, he would now have to face the She-Elf who he had spent more summers with than he could count, after being so rude to her and her husband the previous night.
Well, never let it be said that Legolas Thranduilion was a coward. He nodded and exited the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
Her bower was lavish, rich fabrics and plush seating dominated the feminine room. Arwen, in her silks and pastels, sat in a rocking chair padded in peach, her dark hair hanging over one shoulder and a small cloth resting on the other. A bundle lay against that shoulder and her soft murmurs were directed at the gurgling child. Her grey eyes rose to meet his blue ones and she offered him the settee across from her. She did not speak until he had seated himself.
"I thought, Legolas, that you might like to look upon the reason for your visit... before you crept away while we were all occupied with our daily duties." The sting in her voice caused him to cringe inwardly and he wished he had left that morning.
"Thank you, my Lady, for the kind gesture," he said coolly, his eyes veiled and emotionless.
Arwen's lips curved into a sardonic smile. "Come now, I do believe we are far passed 'Prince Legolas' and 'Queen Arwen,' don't you? You saw me only days after my birth, Legolas. You taught me to ride, to shoot a bow, to wield a sword, to beat up my brothers and you dried my tears when I needed comfort. You, who once called me 'sister.' I do believe I deserve better than that."
Legolas looked away from then, a flush of shame coloring his features. She was right, she had deserved more than he had given.
The Queen stood, the babe in her arms cooing gently in the tense silence. She knelt before the stricken Prince and smiled up into his dark face. "Will you not even hold him?" She smiled brightly at him then, and offered the tiny infant to Legolas. His eyes were wide as the child was nestled in the cradle of his arms. The soft weight and the bright, dark eyes that looked up at him brought a wistful smile to his face. "His name is Eldarion," she said, resting her small hand on his knee. Legolas looked up to her with eyes shimmering with tears.
"Oh, gwathel, I have missed so much," he whispered. As the tears trickled down his cheeks, he brushed his finger along the round, fleshy cheek, laughing when Eldarion reached up with his own tiny hand to grip Legolas' finger. "Your daughters... I should have been here with you, Arwen, I should have held them as I hold him now."
Arwen brushed a lock of the Elf's unbound golden hair back, tucking it behind the perfectly pointed tip. "But, you are here now. We still have so many years before us, more children for you to hold and love. For you will love him, won't you?" she asked, looking down into the shining face of her son.
"I love him already," came the hushed reply.
Legolas looked down into Arwen's large, dark eyes. "I am sorry, Arwen. I should have never loved him as I did."
Arwen blinked slowly, shaking her head. "No, do not regret your love of Aragorn, Legolas."
"It was selfish," he choked out, holding the child tight to his chest.
Arwen laughed, a tinkling sound that reminded Legolas of rushing water. "Selfish? Oh, Legolas." She cupped his cheek, leaning up to brush her lips against his. "Gwador, he would have gone with you. Had you said yes, he would have abandoned it all. Instead, you turned from him, sent him back to his wedding bed. You sacrificed your happiness for others. Please, never believe you were selfish."
"And have you been happy, Arwen?" He rocked Eldarion, watching the child's eyes close in sleep. "Is he happy?"
"Oh yes, my dearest friend. He is happy and I am happy. And we owe it to you. Our children owe this to you."
Legolas smiled bitterly. "Only you, Arwen, could thank your husband's lover for not stealing him away."
"Do you wish for me to throw a tantrum? Accuse you of things we both know to be untrue? What is it you would like for me to do, Legolas?" She stood and went back to her rocking chair, folding her hands neatly in her lap.
He turned eyes full of naked emotion to her. "I want to be forgiven for wishing it all had been different, that he could have been mine. I want to be forgiven for ever knowing his touch when that should have been yours alone."
"You are forgiven for whatever sins you feel you have committed, mellonen. A new start, Legolas. You have family here who love you and need you. Will you run from us again?"
Looking down into the sleeping, peaceful face of the child in his arms, Legolas knew he could not. He had come home. "No, I will not run, Arwen."
"Good. Legolas?" she asked, hesitantly.
He looked up and cocked his head to the side. "Aye?"
She bit her lip slightly, as if trying to find the words to phrase her thought. "There is one who visits me regularly, a friend of mine and of yours. He has loved you long, has suffered as you have suffered. He has missed his dear friend and has loved him from afar as you battled your love for Aragorn. Lay to rest what is between you and my husband, gwador. Allow both your hearts to heal and then, perhaps, this friend can have his most hoped for wish come true."
Legolas looked at her, puzzled. "Who is this you speak of?"
She just smiled. "Eldarion has fallen asleep? Well, see there! He already adores you!"
~*~*~*~
He found Aragorn where Arwen said he would be, sifting through the myriad of correspondence that came to him each day. He stood in the doorway, leaning casually and gazing upon the lover he had given up so many years ago. When the Man finally looked up, Legolas' breath caught in his throat. His outward calm remained, though, and he gazed steadily at the King. Aragorn stood and came from behind his desk and Legolas pushed off from the door frame, closing the door behind him.
"Aragorn," he said, bowing his head slightly in respect.
"I thought you would have left by now," Aragorn said, as if not believing the Elf-Prince stood before him.
Legolas smiled wryly. "You should thank your wife for that, mellonen."
"Mellonen?"
Legolas looked away for a moment, crossing his arms over his chest. "I was wrong to simply leave all that time ago, Aragorn. I should have been here for Arwen, for you. I love you both so much, and I should not have run from either of you."
Aragorn suddenly embraced Legolas and the Elf closed his eyes on the tears that threatened to erupt. He wrapped his own arms around the still-fit body of his friend and held him close. Many moments passed, both reacquainting themselves with the smell and feel of the other. Finally, Aragorn pulled back, cupping Legolas' face in his hands. "You were right," he said, his voice harsh with emotion. "Had I gone with you, I would not have my children, the lights of my life. You were always right."
"You are not angry?" he asked, his brow furrowing with bewilderment when Aragorn shook his head. "You both amaze me," he breathed.
"Why is that?" Aragorn asked, placing his arm around Legolas' slim waist and guiding him to the window seat.
"Arwen was not angry that you and I..." Legolas trailed off, then began again. "That you and I had been lovers. She was only hurt that I had not come back in all this time. And you..." he gestured, "You thank me when first seeing me in thirty years!"
Aragorn held Legolas' hand in his own, looking down at them resting in his lap. "Arwen was never angry or hurtful when it came to you and I. She understood, she knew I still loved her, that I had come back to our bed that night and had not run after you. She always admired your selflessness, you honor and courage to turn me away when I was weak."
"But you...?"
The King took a deep breath and then met the questioning eyes that never left his thoughts. "I was so angry with you. I thought you had played with my emotions, had used me to satisfy your need. I was bitter and hateful for many years."
Legolas swallowed visibly. "What changed?"
Aragorn smiled. "The birth of my daughter. The moment I looked into her sweet face, I thanked you for not having me. Because of you, I was able to have the beautiful family I have, to know the completeness and happiness this life has given me."
The Prince looked out the window behind them, thinking back over the last fifty years of his life. So much of it has centered around Aragorn, around the pain of loving one he could not possibly have. In the wake of Legolas' departure decades ago, Aragorn had had his wife and then his children to comfort him. Aragorn had found that happiness that was so elusive to the Prince. His bed had been cold for decades, his heart hard and his soul aching.
While Aragorn had his friends, family and court, Legolas had had no one, not even the Dwarf had been able to ease the terrible ache of loneliness inside him.
Haldir's voice, from a winter so many years passed, in the fading glory of Lothlorien, rang in his head. 'What of you, mellonen vrûn? Who will ease your pain? This pain you will have brought upon yourself?' He had not had an answer for his friend then.
Did he now?
~*~*~*~
He had been given permanent quarters in the family wing. Legolas spent hours with the children, loving them as he would his own. He had a position within Aragorn's home, a Councilor and tactician for the King. After he and Aragorn had shared those moments in the window seat of the Man's office, Legolas had returned to the suite he and Gimli had shared and sent a message off to Eryn Lasgalen with the evening courier. There had still been no reply.
The Elven-Prince heart had eased and seeing the King and Queen together did not send the currents of pain they once did. He still loved the Man, he always would, but he had accepted that their love would never again be. He just hoped that he had a chance with the one Arwen had spoken of.
Legolas was settling in for the night when there was knock at his door. His brow creased as he wondered who would be disturbing him so late. He wrapped his silk robe around him, making sure his sleeping trousers were modest, and opened the door. His eyes went wide and he forgot to breathe as he came face to face with his first love. Dark eyes sparkling with humor and affection made his heart speed and he knew he had been right.
In smooth and liquid tones, the Elf before him spoke. "You said you believed you had found an answer to my question, Prince. I have come to hear it."
~*~*~*~
Elvish/English:
*Meldir : Male friend
*Seron vell : Dear lover (beloved)
*Gwador : Sworn brother
*Meleth : Love
*Ernilen : My Prince
*Revio, Arod, revio 'nin Anduin. : Fly, Arod, to the Anduin.
*Hortho, Harad, hae o sí. : Quickly, South, far from here.
*Daro, mellonen, daro. : Stop, my friend, stop.
*Deritham sí suilo Anor. : We will wait here to greet the sun.
*Noram sír 'nin fili, Arod. : We ride for the caves today, Arod.
*Maer, nerim a ertham i Nogoth. : Good, we run and get the Dwarf.
*Mellonen - My friend
*Gwathel : Sworn sister~ Previous Chapter ~
~ Library Main ~
~ Author Index ~ Character Index ~ Title Index ~
~ Hall Of Fire ~ Gallery ~
~ Links ~ Shops ~ Map ~ News ~ Rules ~ Lists ~ ~
This page is in no way affiliated with New Line Cinema or Tolkien Enterprises, and no profit is being made.
The information contained herein is NOT to be used to spam or in any other way harrass its members. Be advised that abuse of this site will not be tolerated, and the appropriate legal action will be taken.
Hall-Of-Fire.Com v.4.0, Copyright © 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009 by Cristine Cook-Fireheart. All rights reserved. This web site may not be reproduced in any form, except as occurs in normal browser caching, without express written permission from the author.
Website by Infinite Connections Design.
