Title & Chapter Number: Red Stroke: Changes 4/5
Author(s): - Author's Index
Fandom: Middle Earth
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter
Disclaimer:
Warnings: None
Betas: Julie
Cast: Haldir/OCF Elf
Timeline: AU
Spoilers: None
Summary: Unkind words, and a she-elf with a broken heart. Can things ever be as they were?
Notes: Oh, this one's much sweeter. Told ya I'd fix things, didn't I? Special Thanks: To Julie, for the bomb beta!
Having seen Lilane with Faneuil, Haldir felt only the need to get away. He stalked in the direction of his talan, his fist balled so tightly that he could feel his fingernails pricking his skin. How stupid he had been. How naive.
How could he have not seen her for what she truly was? A she-elf with a pretty face and an agenda, and he was just a fool along for the ride. He wondered just how long this had all been going on. How long had she shared her bed with him, while sharing her heart with another? How long had she intended to deceive him? Until she bonded with Faneuil he supposed, and then he would be disposed of and forgotten forever.
It mattered not. His weakness for her may have made him blind for the past few years, but he would not allow it to consume him any longer.
Haldir barely heard the she-elf's voice calling to him.
"Haldir!"
He turned. His eyes were cold, but he was determined not to let her see the anger - or the hurt - when he turned to find Lilane behind him.
"Haldir," she said, smiling. "Did you not hear me?"
He straightened. "What is it, Lilane?"
She blinked, apparently noticing the iciness of his tone. "I thought we might speak a moment."
He shook his head. "I really haven't the time. What is it you need?"
Clearly, she was put off but his manner, but she approached him anyway. A smile crept over her face, and she clasped her hands together nervously.
"I wondered if we might dine together this evening. There are...things that I would like to discuss with you, if you are not busy."
Haldir could feel his anger bubbling. His eyes narrowed and he lifted his chin. What kind of evil game was she trying to play? The conniving female hadn't a clue what he'd just witnessed, but he vowed not to give her the pleasure of understanding why he was about to shred her to pieces.
"I am otherwise engaged this evening, Lilane. Furthermore, dining with you would be neither appropriate nor desirable. As a matter of fact, I would ask that you do not address me in such an informal matter when I am in public."
Lilane was so completely stunned by his callousness, that she could not immediately answer him. Haldir inwardly congratulated himself. Her eyes filled with pain and humiliation, and she seemed to shrink right before his eyes.
"I..." she stuttered, "I did not realize...I am sorry."
Tears filled her eyes and she turned from him, and began quickly walking away. He smirked spitefully as he watched her go. He turned the other direction and began walking towards his talan again, this time more slowly.
He now felt a tiny bit of regret. For the last several years, there had existed between them a kind of bond. An unspoken understanding of each other. And now, it was destroyed. Haldir knew that she deserved his cruel words, but he truly wished that things had been different. He thought of the purple lily that he had intended to give her just a few moments before. He'd crushed it, just as he'd crushed her, and he felt no better for it.
Once inside the privacy of his talan, he fell into his chair and did not leave it for many hours.
~*~*~*~
Faneuil held Lilane tightly to him, smoothing her hair as she sobbed in his arms. He'd never seen her so distraught before, and once she'd managed to get the entire story out, he understood why.
Who did that wicked elf think he was?
He stuffed his anger down and attended to Lilane, listening to her every word. He felt partly responsible; after all, he was the one who had urged her to pursue Haldir romantically. He'd known there was a possibility of rejection, but he had never thought that the March Warden could be so cruel.
"I was such a fool, Faneuil!" Lilane sucked in a breath. "I actually believed that he might have feelings for me, when I was nothing more than his toy!"
"Shhh..." Faneuil whispered. "If the great Haldir has rejected such a lovely and compassionate she-elf, then he is not worthy of your tears."
Faneuil knew it was useless. Her heart had been broken, and he was reluctant to say anything more, because he feared doing further damage. And so he held her until her sobs subsided, and she lay limp and trembling in his arms. Finally, she pulled away from him.
"What can I do to ease your pain, my sweet Lilane?"
She gave him a half-hearted smile. "Your nurturing words are enough. I do not know if I could bear this if you weren't here with me."
Faneuil brushed a lock of hair away from her face. "Would you like me to kill him?"
Lilane laughed solemnly, squeezing leftover tears from her eyes. "I may take you up on that." Faneuil attempted a smile, though he did feel angry enough with Haldir to beat him senseless.
Faneuil grasped Lilane's hand and squeezed it, and then stood up.
"Where are you going?" Lilane asked him.
Faneuil lifted his chin. "I am going to defend your honor, lovely sister." Lilane sprang to her feet.
"You mean to fight Haldir? I'm afraid that would not be very wise." Faneuil waved his hand in the air.
"I mean only to give him a piece of my mind. It will do little good, but at least he will have a mind to never again use his foul tongue against you." Faneuil said, puffing out his chest.
Lilane smiled sadly as she watched him go, and badly wished that she could witness the verbal lashing that Haldir was about to receive. That, and she hoped that her brave friend did not get his nose smashed in.
~*~*~*~
Haldir sat, still in his chair, his head resting in his palm. Having had time to think on his words to Lilane, he now realized that he might have been too harsh. She was much younger after all, and when it came down to it, she really owed him nothing. He had never asked that they be exclusive, and likewise, she had never asked the same of him.
So, it was his fault, really, he now knew. But he doubted she'd ever allow him back into her life in any way, shape or form. Things could never be as they were. She probably wouldn't even accept his apology.
He wondered if he should get drunk again.
It was then he heard the shouting. Someone was crying out his name, and as the voice came closer, he realized that the voice sounded very angry.
He stood up and went to his window. To his surprise, it was Faneuil stalking towards his talan, bellowing his name and calling him out. Shocked, he left his room and went out onto the flet and looked down. Faneuil stopped at the bottom of the tree and glared up at him.
"A word with you, March Warden!"
Haldir sighed. He supposed he deserved this, but he did not want to be responsible for physically hurting Lilane's beloved, if it came to it. The younger elf looked quite angry, but Haldir climbed down quickly to meet him anyway.
Once he was on the ground, Haldir stood a few feet away, looking at Faneuil.
"You have wounded someone very close to me, Haldir." Faneuil said, glaring at Haldir.
Haldir crossed his arms over his chest. "If you're referring to Lilane, then you already know that she is a liar and deserved the things I said to her."
Faneuil's eyes widened. "How dare you say such things, when you are the one who used her for your own amusement, and then crushed her with your cruel words!"
"I did not use her!" Haldir exclaimed. "If that is what she told you then she has deceived you as well!"
Haldir felt his anger increasing uncontrollably when Faneuil stepped up to him and stared coldly into his eyes. He knew they were mere moments from a verbal altercation turning physical, and as much as he wanted to avoid it, he would not hold back if Faneuil decided to strike him.
"You have made the mistake of a lifetime, Haldir."
Haldir clenched his jaw. "My friend, if you bond with her, then you will be the one making the mistake."
Faneuil blinked. "What?"
Haldir took a step backwards. "If you make intend to make her your wife..."
Faneuil cut him off. "What are you saying? My wife?"
Haldir was bewildered by the look of confusion on Faneuil's face, but he answered the elf anyway.
"I saw you and Lilane earlier, arm in arm. You kissed her. All this time she had been playing me for a fool. And you as well, it seems."
It was then that Faneuil took several steps away from Haldir. Faneuil stared wildly at him, as though he did not understand. Faneuil's gaze drifted away from him and he stared off at nothing and looked quite puzzled.
"What is wrong with you?" Haldir finally asked him.
The younger elf glanced back up at Haldir and stared at him again. His face was completely blank. And then, most unexpectedly, Faneuil broke into laughter.
Haldir glared at Faneuil. "I see nothing funny about this. Have you gone mad?"
"I understand it all now!" Faneuil exclaimed. "It would be amusing if not for the weeping she-elf that sits alone in her talan."
Haldir stared at Faneuil in complete annoyance. "I have no idea what you are talking about."
"You think Lilane and I are romantically involved!" Faneuil said, laughing.
"Well, aren't you?" Haldir asked.
Faneuil strode over to Haldir, and laid a hand on his shoulder.
"Lilane and I are close friends, nothing more. I kiss her as a brother would kiss his sister, and I love her in the same way. You do not know me at all, Haldir. If you did, you would know that I do not romance she-elves, nor do I take them to my bed. Do you catch my meaning?"
Haldir's eyes widened. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but could not, for he had no response for such absurdity.
"I fear this has been nothing but a big misunderstanding." Faneuil said solemnly.
A look of shock came over Haldir. "You are not in love with her."
Faneuil shook his head, grinning as he bit his lip. "In fact, it was I who influenced her to pursue you. She has feelings for you, Haldir. These past few years you have been blind to them."
"She told you this? That she is in love with me?"
Faneuil nodded. "I had to drag it out of her, but yes. I believe she is. Why do you think she has not chosen another all these years? It is because of you, Haldir. She has been waiting for you."
Haldir stared at him. It all made sense now, it was all coming together. Scenes from the past came back to him in flashes, reminding him of things she'd said, looks she'd given him, and the way she seemed content, and yet so sad when he came to her at night...
And most recently, his rude behavior towards her less than a few hours ago. He recalled the painful look in her eyes as he pierced her with his evil words. He also remembered the triumph he'd felt at having caused such pain in her. He regretted it so very deeply now.
Haldir blew past Faneuil. "I must make things right. I will beg her forgiveness on my knees if I have to!"
He marched in the direction of Lilane's talan, almost running. He glanced back one time at Faneuil, and noticed the look of achievement on the elf's face. He would have to make sure to thank him later.
~*~*~*~
Lilane lay on her bed, her knees gathered close to her. Her emotions had gone from anger to sadness and back again, and she desperately wished for Faneuil's return. She heard him coming up.
But it was Haldir who burst through her door.
She sat up immediately, and when she saw the determined look on his face, she prepared herself for more of his hateful words. But instead, he sighed when he saw her and his face softened.
"Lilane..."
He shook his head, apparently unable to find the right words. And then he just looked at her, studying her. Suddenly, a look of sorrow came over him.
"An elf can die from a broken heart, Haldir," she said. "Have you come back to finish the job?"
He swallowed hard and went quickly to her, and sat down next to her on the bed. She was stunned when he took her hand into his. She met his eyes, not quite understanding what was happening. Was he sorry?
"I have been a fool, Lilane." He paused. "Please allow me to apologize for my cruel words before I explain why I said them."
Puzzled, Lilane narrowed her eyes and waited. "Very well."
Haldir took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I am so terribly sorry for the things I said to you earlier. You see, I was nursing a broken heart of my own. It was my first instinct to lash out at the person who I believed caused this pain."
"How have I caused you pain, Haldir?"
He squeezed her hand again, and let his fingers linger there. "You and I have shared such a long relationship, yet I have never expressed the emotions I have felt for you. I denied to myself, and to you, how I really felt. All the longing I've felt. It is an ache in my heart that only goes away when I am with you. I would not let myself feel it, because I never imagined that you felt it too."
Tears were welling in Lilane's eyes as she listened to the words she'd longed for since the day she'd first laid eyes on Haldir. He reached up and touched her face, and caught a tear as it fell from her cheek.
"I now realize that you must have felt it, but were afraid to tell me because you did not think that I could love you."
"Yes." she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.
"But I would not risk ruining our relationship, much as it was. To have even a little of you was better than not having you at all." He waited for her response.
She choked back the tears. "But those things you said to me..."
He nodded. "Ah, yes. I was on my way to ask you to dinner, ironically enough. And then I saw you with Faneuil. I saw you holding his hand. I saw him kiss you." He shook his head again. "I did not know that he was only your friend. I also did not know that he...prefers males." He chuckled slightly, but his face remained solemn.
Lilane's eyes widened. "Ah, I see!"
"Yes," he said, "I thought that you and he were romantically involved. And that your relationship with me was nothing but a little entertainment on the side. I died inside, Lilane. For a moment I allowed myself to believe that you and I could truly be together, and when I saw you with him, all the hope I had was lost."
Lilane gasped. "I can't believe you thought this of me. I would never..."
"I know," he said. "The truth came out just as I believed your good friend was about to hit me."
Lilane smiled. "I am very glad it did not come to that."
Lilane and Haldir shared a long look. Then they sat, smiling at each other tenderly. Haldir reached up and brushed her hair back from her cheek. She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes.
"It wasn't until the moment when I believed I'd lost you that I really knew I loved you." he said, and cupped her face in his hands. He kissed her softly on her lips, and lingered there. "Will you forgive me for being such a fool?"
"Of course I will," she whispered. She wrapped her arms around him. "I have waited years to hear you say those words to me."
Haldir gathered her into his arms and held her tightly. He did not want to cry, but felt he would if she said one more word to him. In that moment he felt so grateful for her, and regretted that they had already wasted so much time together. No longer was he afraid.
"You are my heart's wish, Lilane." he said.
She choked back a sob and squeezed him harder. "And you are mine, Haldir. I love you."
"And I you." he said, pulling back to look at her tenderly.
They had known each other for nearly twenty years, but tonight he looked on her with brand new eyes, and he hoped she saw his love reflecting back in them.
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