Title & Chapter Number: Red Stroke 1/5
Author(s): - Author's Index
Fandom: Middle Earth
Rating: R for non-graphic nookie.
Disclaimer:
Warnings: None
Betas: Julie
Cast: Haldir/OCF Elf
Timeline: AU
Spoilers: None
Summary: A candle in the window brings Lilane and Haldir together.
Notes: My first LotR fic...ever. Wow. I just hope it doesn't suck.
A single candle glowed and flickered from the windowsill. Haldir stared at it intently, absorbed in the shimmering blue and red flame as it danced around the wick and melted the wax. It was the only light in his room.
His raised his eyes to somewhere outside his window, into the deep night that had fallen over the forest. At times Lothlorien could get so dark that not even an Elf could see through the dark sea of trees. A light breeze rustled the golden leaves above him, and swept gently through his hair. The wind of fall had closed in on them, and it did feel good. He closed his eyes for a moment.
This was how he waited for her.
When he heard her footsteps behind him, he did not turn. He smiled gently with anticipation as he felt her grow nearer. There was no formality in the way she slipped her arms around his waist. He covered one of her hands with his and turned to face her.
He had to bend down to kiss this beautiful Elf-woman, but for some reason he liked that about her. That she was shorter than the others...different. But she had the same beauty that all female Elves possessed, with her own unique qualities. Her hair curled just slightly at the ends. Her eyes had a glint of green in them.
Lilane smiled as he looked upon her with what could only be gratitude. Yes, he was grateful for her. She did not have to come to him but chose to, and whatever pleasure she received she never spoke of to anyone, even Haldir himself. And whatever ill feelings she had, if any, she never spoke of them either. He kissed her again, as he had a thousand times in a hundred different nights, her mouth as familiar as air. He did not waste time but acted with great gentleness as he removed her dress, and unbraided her hair. He thought that Lilane liked this, for her eyes would always close as he ran his hand through her hair and straightened out the strands from the restriction of the braid. Sometimes she would moan softly and smile.
Haldir could scarcely remember how their relationship had started, if it could be called that. His life had always been a solitary one when it came to matters of the heart. Indeed the only souls he felt connected to in any way were those of his brothers, but at times, he felt that not even they could know him in the way that Lilane did.
For years she had come to his bed, in the night, when he was most vulnerable and alone. They never spoke of it. That was the beauty of it. There was nothing to complicate. He had taken to lighting a candle in his window when he felt the need for her presence, and always she would come, ready to hold him and comfort him if that was all he wished. Many times he would find his release inside of her, and that was just as wonderful. She was altogether good.
As the years went on, neither Haldir nor Lilane married another. Times became perilous and Haldir had begun to realize that he was not an Elf fit for marriage, for being the protector of the forest was a full-time commitment. He had little time to lament over this fact, and when he did, Lilane was the answer. She was the sparkle of light in the darkness. She was the red stroke in his world of gray and white.
It wasn't until many years later that Lilane had taken to lighting a candle in her own window. As it turned out, he realized that she had begun to need this as much as he did. Haldir was most happy to oblige, having felt remorse for the years of late-night rendezvous that he'd requested of her.
Lilane's gown piled on the floor at his feet. Haldir ran his hands up the curves of her sides and down them again, softly gripping her shoulders and then cupping her face, like a blind man trying to see with his hands. He knew her body better than he knew the paths of the Golden Wood, but he never stopped exploring her. Her skin was magnificent to touch. He had never felt anything softer, or warmer.
Times came when he wondered where this would lead. When would it end? They could not go on like this forever, he told himself. But always when those thoughts crept into his mind he would banish them and tell himself it was a problem he could face at a later time.
He wasn't using her, though that's what everyone would think. He adored her, respected her, and admired her. He just didn't love her. He wouldn't allow himself that. Love had no place for him, no purpose. Comfort that he found in her arms was the closest thing he would ever know to love, and therefore, the best thing he had yet known. It was enough.
He suspected that she viewed their relationship the same way. She cared for him because that is what Elves do. Their hearts are not full of poison like Men, who would use a woman for a night and discard her like a full chamber pot. Haldir cared for her in a way that was beyond friendship, but not quite love. They communicated not through voice, but spiritually, with the body and mind. He knew if she was joyful or saddened by the way she touched him. She always gave comfort when she was in need of it. Since their association had begun some twenty years ago, Haldir had learned a lot of what love must really be like, even though they'd never taken a step in that direction.
Sometimes he regretted it. Sometimes he imagined that when he awoke in the morning, she would be beside him. And during times of peace, the forest was always very quiet and an Elf and his fair mate could spend the day together. He imagined having her walking with him in the forest, or reading books together or having a meal together. When it wasn't peaceful and he spent his nights in a treetop flet on the borders of Lothlorien, he imagined that he had another bedfellow besides a cold, naked sword, even if it was a faithful one.
He kissed her lips eagerly, drawing in her supple bottom lip and sucking gently on it. He lay on top of her now, and for a moment he smiled as she opened her legs to grant his entrance. But for some reason, he did not want to hurry tonight. He didn't want it to be over so soon. Because then he would sleep, and when she was satisfied that he was asleep, she would leave, and go back to her own bed. He wondered what she thought when she returned to her own talan. He wondered if she pitied him, or if she sometimes longed for him in the way that he longed for her now.
He doubted himself more and more these days, as the long years of his life stretched out into longer years. It was in times like these that he envied the race of Men. Unlike Elves, they are born, grow up, grow old and die. But in their short years they seem to accomplish so many things. Sometimes they marry before they reach the age of twenty. Twenty! And then they have children, and grandchildren. They build homes and cities and grow gardens and change. Men and the world change. We do not. Haldir thought, as he drew one of Lilane's legs up around his waist.
For a moment Haldir forgot his thoughts, as he drove into Lilane's warm depths.
He closed his eyes at the sensation. He felt Lilane's grip on his shoulder tighten. She sucked in a deep breath and moaned softly. When Haldir opened his eyes he saw that she was smiling. Against her he moved, in and out, the kisses he placed on her lips not breaking his rhythm. She was impossibly beautiful in times like this, with her mouth slightly open and her eyes half-closed, and her hair a magnificent blonde halo, spread out around her. He could stay like this forever.
But flesh is weak, he thought, as he tensed and released, lolling his head back and biting his lip. He let the waves of ecstasy wash over him entirely before he collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily into her ear. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, and smoothed out his hair with the palm of her hand.
He didn't know how long it had been when he finally moved off of her. But he lay close to her, his arms still clutching her tenderly. She stared up at the ceiling of the room for a while. Finally, she turned to look at him.
His gaze locked on hers for a long moment. He said nothing but wanted to. He was afraid of the damage he could do with words. They'd never needed words before. She smiled tenderly at him, and turned to face him, draping one arm lazily over his waist. Haldir closed his eyes.
As sleep was about to claim him, he muttered soft words, pleading to her:
"Don't go."
The last thing he felt was Lilane's soft hand grazing his ear as she smoothed back his hair. He wondered if she would stay.
Only the morning knew.
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