Title & Chapter Number: 'Mary's Trip to Isengard' (or Mary's Excellent Adventure) 5/10
Author(s): - Author's Index
Fandom: Tolkien
Rating: Due to LAST TWO supplemental chapters, this whole thing will need to be rated NC17, but the diary entries are rated "G"
Disclaimer: I do not own the many and various LOTR characters mentioned in my daily diary nor am I receiving financial gain from playing with them! This diary is written for entertainment purposes only!
Warnings: Lots and lots of foolishness, silliness, ale, wine and mead drinking, chocolate slinging, marshmallow fluff applying, liberties taken with Tolkien characters, and very hot sizzly sex for dessert!
Betas:
Cast: Elladan and Elrohir/OFC Haldir/OFC, Mary Aseltyne and a cast of thousands! (ALL major characters from the first two movies and some from the first two books, also)
Timeline: AU
Spoilers: None
Summary: Just a bunch of craziness!
Notes: There are three sections to this fan-fic. Section one, "Mary's Trip to Isengard" is rated G, section 2 is called "Achieving Perfect Balance" and section 3 is called "Orthanc Reduxxx" which are both rated a hard NC17. For this reason I will rate the whole thing NC17, even though the diary itself is very, very "G" rated.
Day five:
I awoke feeling crippled and cranky. The Mearas are wonderful to ride with their smooth, comfortable gait but horse-back riding is horse-back riding and my legs and butt were stiff and sore and needed massaging before I could even begin to dress for the day. The Twins were happy because they were allowed, finally, to prepare my breakfast and serve it to me in bed. But despite their healing hands and delicious meal preperation they were not able to cheer me up. I didn't want to go to stupid Helm's Deep or see any stupid Glittering Caves. I just wanted to go back to Lothlorien and be an elf. I sent the Bad Boys off on seperate errands so I could pull my little throwing-dagger out of its hiding place and stare at it, which made me feel ever sorrier for myself because it reminded me of Our Haldir. I was ready to bury my head in my pillow and have a complete meltdown when there came a soft tapping at my door and Eowyn poked her head in. "Come on in," I said dejectedly.
She was carrying a package and she came over to the bed and handed it to me. "This looks as if it has been following you around Middle Earth," she said with a sweet, sympathetic smile. "I hope it cheers you up, the Twins told me you were feeling a bit battered from your travels." The little package had postal marks indicating it had gone from the Shire to Bree to Rivendell to Lothlorien and, finally, had caught up with me here at Rohan. The return address said: "Donna, Haldir_Lovers" I opened it carefully and, somehow, was not surprised to see a jar of marshmallow fluff inside. I looked up at Eowyn and said, "I'll bet this has something to do with the chocolate syrup I found in my suitcase." Poor Eowyn did not have a clue as to what I was talking about but she sat on the bed as I pulled out a piece of paper and read aloud, "Recipe for strawberry dip?"
The only thing I did not have to explain to her were the strawberries. Eowyn giggled as I told her about how the members of Haldir_Lovers constantly tried to think of new and different excuses to make our characters sticky enough for a bath, or, at least, a quick little lick or two. We were both giggling as I speculated on how Donna meant for me to use this little jar during my stay here in Middle Earth. "I hope she doesn't think I am going to make this dip for grimey Grima'," I said with a shudder at the thought.
"Grima would never touch it, " said Eowyn, "he is probably allergic to everything in the ingredients, including the strawberries!"
"Well," I said, "in that case maybe Donna knew what she was doing." The little silly package from "home" made me feel much happier and, as Eowyn and I sat and chatted about the Twins and Faramir, my spirits were lifted and I felt more than ready to get my sore bottom out of bed. Eowyn helped by reassuring me that we would travel by wagon to Helm's Deep instead of on horse-back.
The Twins were hopping with impatience when we finally got out into the courtyard where they were waiting at the wagon with Eomer and Faramir. Anything that has to do with war and killing orcs is at the top of their list of "Most Entertaining Things To DO" and Helm's Deep had both in it's history. As we rode along, they peppered both Eomer and Faramir with questions about the battles they had both fought in and the number of orcs each had individually slain as casually as if they were discussing touchdowns scored or poker games won.
Eowyn and I had a great time discussing the "men-folk," as I suppose all women who have the opportunity to be near such attractive and courageous men would do. "What do you think of Lord Faramir?" she asked me at one point. It was obvious they were in love and I didnt think she necessarily wanted my approval but it was just so interesting that women are so much the same everywhere in the universe that we are always asking each other for permission to be in love with the most lovable guys! I told her that I thought Faramir was a much more pleasant and intelligent fellow than how the movies had made him appear and I always thought he was the most handsome of the men. Her cheeks actually grew rosy at my words! The aggressive, nordic-looking, shield-maiden completely melted into mush in front of me.
We all grew quiet when Helm's Deep came into view although still far in the distance. I do not think another word was said as we rode through the valley and up onto the battle field and finally pulled up in front of the still formidable fortification. Only a small portion had been destroyed in the actual battle and it appeared as if repairs were being made. Finally the silence was broken when the Twins broke out in a simultaneous burst of excited elvish. They were not, however, excited about the fortress but were turned around and pointing off to the distance behind us. My heart leapt in my throat for an instant as I wondered if they had spotted Grima' with their elvish eyesight because I could see nothing in any direction. But then Elrohir turned back to face me and he clearly said, "Legolas!" with a huge, happy grin on his face because he got to be the first to tell me!
I stood straight up on the wagon seat and shaded my eyes but it was no use, I still couldn't see him. After a time of staring and staring I finally could see a tiny figure moving towards us from the south. As the figure grew nearer it became apparent that there was someone coming on horseback. Elladan and Elrohir rode towards the figure as the rest of us speculated on the reasons for Legolas's arrival. "He is obviously coming from Gondor," said Eowyn. Faramir thought he could be coming from Ithilien and Eomer thought he might have been visiting the sea, again, because, according to him, Legolas never stopped talking about those damnable gulls! "On and on and on..." said Eomer while shaking his head, " and the songs! That's all he sings about any more is the sea, the sea, the beautiful, wonderful sea!" Eomer laughed and it was easy to see that he loved the elf as much as we do and we all laughed along with him as Legolas, with Gimli riding behind, came galloping over the last hills with the Imladris Twins flanking them on either side.
Before we could even catch our breaths they were upon us and I felt as mushy as Eowyn had looked a little earlier. My two beautiful Bad Boys, with Good Legolas in between, riding at a full gallop in the brilliant sunshine was a sight more dazzling than diamonds. And much more priceless. Legolas and Gimli were soon dismounted and welcomed and introduced or reunited and when all the commotion had cleared we learned that the two of them were also headed for the Glittering Caves and we all rode along there together.
Legolas was intently interested in Haldir_Lovers because he "knew" that he was a major feature player in an area that was supposed to be All Haldir All the Time. He found it very amusing and still does not understand what appeal there is in elves versus human men. I wish I could say that I had some "time alone" with that cutey pie but that did not happen. But I am not complaining because we really had a wonderful time as we wandered through the stalagmites and stalactites and other natural mineral formations of the enormous caves interior. One could easily see how a whole village might have stayed there comfortably. Gimli was our "cave-guide" and he suffered through a lot of teasing from Legolas and the Twins.
The Twins had more "alone time" with Legolas than any of us because the three of them hadn't all seen each other in a long while. They lagged farther and farther behind, chatting softly in elvish, as we all ambled through the cave interior. "Gimli!," said Legolas, suddenly dashing to catch up with us, "Gimli! How would you like to go sailing on a pirate ship and chase for loot and plunder fair maidens?" The Twins laughed so hard I thought they would cause a cave-in as they tried to clarify how "playing pirates" was just a game and who was chased and what was plundered. "Thin mints?" said Gimli, "And of what value is this loot called "thin-mints?" which made the Twins bust out laughing, again. But I think Legolas was serious, a little, at least about the sailing on a pirate ship part.
By the time we returned to Meduseld the moon was high and the stars were twinkling like mad little fairies in the sky. I don't even remember what I ate for dinner because I am too sleepy to think any more. I know I didn't drink any mead. The Twins are out teaching Legolas how to play "elf-tag" because I am going straight to bed. Tomorrow Isengard. Tonight I sleep!
Love you, Mary
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