Title & Chapter Number: Wish Upon The Stars (Part 2 of the 'Pilgrim' story arc) 10/?
Author(s): - Author's Index
Website: The Woodland Chronicles
Fandom: Tolkien
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Middle-earth and all its inhabitants are Tolkien's, not mine. I don't mean to steal them; I'm just borrowing them for my enjoyment.
Warnings: Lots of character development, not much sex. Sap and angst. Twincest
Betas: Jilly. Still the best.
Cast: Haldir, Legolas, Rúmil, Orophin, Celeborn, Galadriel, the entire Lothlórien bunch. Elladan/Thranduil/Elrohir are the only ones getting it on for now, though. There might be new pairings as the story develops.
Timeline: Third Age, approx. 440 years prior to the Fellowship.
Spoilers: Nope.
Summary: Legolas arrives in Lórien to begin his training as a warrior under Haldir's supervision. In the process, he discovers things about himself he'd never dreamed of. Haldir, in the meantime, finds that even one immortal is never too old to learn.
Notes: The lullaby 'Baby birdies' is something I found on the internet. Don't know who wrote it, but it wasn't me. (website: www.canteach.ca)
Chapter 10 - Admission
Lórien
With a great outburst of strength, accompanied by a primative growl, Legolas pinned Haldir face-down to the ground, one knee lodged firmly between his teacher's shoulder blades, the other securing Haldir's left arm to the ground. Using his hands to hold Haldir's right arm locked, he wrung the knife out of the other Elf's hand and stuck it behind his belt. Haldir, breathing heavily, moved powerfully under him, trying to throw him off, but Legolas was prepared, and he pressed Haldir down with his entire weight, refusing to be dislodged.
It had been different a couple of months ago. One day during practice, Legolas had disarmed Haldir with a powerful blow, sending Haldir's knife spinning through the air and landing tip-first in the bark of a tree, where it remained standing, vibrating with the impact. As the older Elf lay weaponless on the ground, Legolas had pounced on him with a happy cry to claim his victory; he was the only one still armed, he had won.
But Haldir had a surprise in store for him. Cleverly taking advantage of Legolas's recklessness in his moment of joy, Haldir reversed their positions in the blink of an eye; throwing Legolas over and disarming him in the same movement, he suddenly sat astride Legolas's chest. And for Legolas there was no way out of that lock of Haldir's unmovable limbs and body weight. Once again, the touch of cold steel against his throat. Only this time, it was the steel of his own knife.
"Ah, I see a learning moment here," Haldir said breathlessly. "If I were someone with bad intentions, you would find death here by your own weapon. How would you like that?"
"I wouldn't," Legolas said through clenched teeth, wriggling beneath the other Elf.
"No? Then why did you let it come to this?"
"I thought I had you," Legolas sighed.
"Why? Because I was down and disarmed? Do you think the enemy would just lie still and patiently wait for you to finish it?"
"That's not fair." Legolas thrashed with more strength. "I was not prepared. We've never done hand-to-hand before."
"True, and it's about time we did." Haldir put the knife away. "We are now both without weapons."
"Yes, and what happens next?" Legolas said, still dismayed because of the victory that had been taken away from him.
"If you just stopped wasting precious energy, first," Haldir smiled.
Legolas stopped his wild, pointless struggles and fell still beneath the other Elf. "You are stronger, heavier, and far more experienced," he said. "I do not call that fair odds."
"You're at a disadvantage right now, that is true," Haldir said. "But there are tricks I can teach you; tricks you can use next time. This is a good time for you to begin improving your hand-to-hand skills."
And Haldir had taught him. Had taught him so well in fact, that this time, several months later, Legolas was undeniably in the better position. Haldir was the stronger one, but Legolas's speed gave great advantage as well. Now, as Legolas pressed him against the ground, holding his arms in a firm lock, Haldir could not help but be impressed. It so appeared that Legolas, after almost three years of being under Haldir's tutelage, had turned from a coltish prince into a promising young warrior, with a body as quick and resilient as his mind.
The rush of victory pulsing in his veins, coursing through his every fibre, Legolas sat astride his teacher. Breathing hard with the exertion, every muscle in his body tense and prepared for more struggle, he slowly drew his blade over Haldir's throat, although he wouldn't think of delivering even the slightest scratch to that fair skin.
"Something isn't right," he said with his usual sense of humor. "I am not used to seeing things from this perspective."
Haldir laughed breathlessly. "And do you like the view?"
"Very much. A pity it took so long before I got to see it."
"You weren't ready earlier," Haldir replied. "You earned it now."
"I did?" Legolas asked suspiciously. "You did not let me win?"
"Elbereth, no." Haldir laughed again. "I wish it were so."
A silence fell. Haldir lay still, his defeat acknowledged; yet Legolas did not move away.
"Will you not release me?" Haldir informed, a rim of mirth to his voice.
"Oh, let me enjoy this for just a little while longer," Legolas said longingly.
He had difficulty letting go of this moment. Finally then. Finally, he had been successful. That he had 'won', did not even matter anymore; but that he had been the better one this time, meant the sweet fulfilment of all his training. He wasn't a true warrior yet, not by a long road, but he had learned. This was proof. His triumph was a reward for his dedication as well as for Haldir's. But not only did he want to prolong the satisfying sensation of success - more than that, it was being this close to Haldir that made him feel so... alive. How ironic, Legolas mused, that something that felt so good, could only be obtained by a fight, and only briefly.
"You are, of course, aware of the fact that you will have to earn it *again* next time," Haldir said, disturbing Legolas's thoughts.
"Very aware," Legolas smiled and he released him, rising to his feet. "And you probably will beat me; I am realistic. But for now, I am enjoying this little moment."
"And you may," Haldir said, gracefully getting up. "That was a deserved victory." He smiled at the younger Elf. "Well done."
Almost seven months had gone by since the day King Thranduil departed from Lórien. He had gone early one day, when September was still young. Legolas and Haldir had accompanied him and his warriors to the border of the forest. There, they said goodbye.
"Travel safely, adar," Legolas said.
"We will," Thranduil smiled. "With luck, I'll be home in time to see the first leaf fall."
"I will write you," Legolas promised.
They embraced warmly. Thranduil then turned to Haldir.
"Sire," Haldir began to say, "I will take good care of Le-"
Thranduil raised his hand, smiling. Then, taking Haldir by the shoulders, he stepped closer and at the same time pulled the other Elf to him for the cheek-to-cheek embrace that was common between two befriended warriors. "You have been a good companion, Haldir," the King said. "I wish you good fortune."
"I wish you the same," Haldir replied, "and the honour was mine, sire."
Thranduil drew back, clapping Haldir on the shoulder once. He then turned away and mounted his horse to join his escort of Mirkwood warriors. Reaching back, he drew the wide hood of his emerald green cloak over his golden head.
"Noro bar, Narumîr," [ride home] he said softly, at which his horse shook her mane and set off. It was the signal of departure, and the elven soldiers made to follow their king. Armed with bow and quiver on his back and a sword at his hip, Thranduil did not stand out from his warriors in any way, and one who did not know his name would never have guessed that it was the King of Mirkwood setting out from Lórien that morning.
Legolas and Haldir watched the group ride away from them, raising a hand when Thranduil and several others turned on horseback to bring a last greeting.
"Are you sad, Legolas?" Haldir asked as he pensively watched the green-clad Elves depart.
"No," Legolas said truthfully. "No, I'm not. And why would I be? It was my own decision to stay, and I'm glad I've made that decision."
They stood silently. When at last nothing remained to be seen of the Mirkwood party, Legolas turned to look at Haldir beside him. "Shall we go back?"
Haldir looked back over his shoulder, at their horses. They stood grazing near a small creek. Haldir's eyes then shifted from the animals up to the still-green treetops. Legolas followed his gaze.
"September is my favorite month," Haldir said unexpectedly. There was great warmth in his voice.
Legolas's eyes dropped back down to the Marchwarden beside him, who still stood looking up, smiling. When Haldir met his gaze, Legolas found himself staring at his friend, forgetting to blink. To him it felt as if he were being sucked in by those eyes, like a wasp attracted to a honeypot. When he was little, he liked to spend time in the palace kitchen, see the cooks and kitchen maids at work and help them with little things. One day he had seen a wasp fly straight to its doom as it landed in a pot of clover honey. It got stuck in the sticky substance and its struggles only worsened the situation for the unfortunate insect. Legolas was desparate to save it, but the maids had forbidden it, afraid that the young Prince would be stung.
Ah, Legolas thought dreamily, now that Haldir stood in front of him all beautiful and carefree, and with joy-filled eyes; was drowning in such sweetness really so bad a lot?
"Do you know why?" Haldir continued.
"No," Legolas replied, coming to his senses with a start. "Why?"
"I love Lórien when its roof is green," Haldir said, "and I love Lórien when its roof is golden. But to me, nothing surpasses Lórien in September, when the leaves begin to change color and the forest, for about a week or two, has a roof that is both green *and* gold."
Legolas nodded wordlessly. He remembered the sight from a year ago; the caleidoscope of ripe green and glittering gold was magnificent indeed.
"And then a late-afternoon autumn Sun," Haldir completed with a sigh. "Nothing is more beautiful than that."
He looked up at the treetops again. "That time is near now," he announced.
Legolas nodded again, wondering why he was suddenly acting like a dumb fool.
After another silence, Haldir spoke again. "I don't feel like returning to the city just yet," he said, in response to Legolas's earlier question.
"What do you propose, then?" Legolas said, a smile growing on his face.
Haldir shrugged cheerfully. "Let's just make a ride and see where the paths take us."
The paths eventually led them to a lovely green meadow with high, waving grasses, interwoven with poppies. There there lay silently under the Sun for a while, their hands beneath their heads. But after some time, Legolas sat up to gaze around, take in the surroundings.
Haldir opened one eye to look at him. "Is something wrong?"
"No, everything is just fine," Legolas said. Then he ventured, "If you had your flute with you, you could entertain me with a tune." Regrettably, he had not heard Haldir play since that evening in Anyriand's talan. It had filled him with awe then; it hadn't been a brief piece of music, but as far as Legolas was concerned, it could have lasted the entire night and still it would have been too short. He could picture himself voluntarily passing through Moria and back just to hear Haldir play again.
Haldir's other eye now opened as well. "To my regret, I do not carry my flute in my bag," he smiled. "You, however, have your instrument with you at all times." He closed his eyes again. "Sing something for me."
"What shall I sing?" Legolas asked, delighted by this request.
"Something light-hearted," Haldir said. "What was the very first song you learned?"
"The very first song..." Legolas pondered. "That would be a lullaby my father used to sing for me at night, when I was a babe."
"How does it go?"
Legolas smirked self-consciously. "I would sing it for you... but you must promise not to tell a soul."
Haldir smiled, eyes still closed. "I promise."
"And don't fall asleep while I sing it," Legolas warned.
"No, no..."
Legolas then took a breath and began singing the words of a simple little lullaby; a song his father had sung for him countless times in the past, and certainly something he hadn't expected to share with anyone as an adult. It was soft and soothing, meant to lull a small child to sleep.
"We are baby birdies living in a nest,
We dream of flying when we take our rest.
Finally one spring day we hop, hop, hop,
And flutter our wings flop, flop, flop.
They lift us up and then we fly,
We fly around the sky.
Flying high and flying low,
In a big circle - round we go.
Then we soar home and go to sleep,
We close our eyes without a peep."Haldir laughed. "How charming! I didn't know that one. Now, something longer," he demanded.
Legolas gave an exaggerated sigh, but conceded. The entire afternoon was spent like this, singing and lying in the soft grass. It had been a good day. Legolas cherished the moment, as he knew Haldir would be away on patrol again soon. - How he wished he could go with the patrol instead of staying behind in Caras Galadhon! - And indeed, in the months after Thranduil's departure Haldir had been away long periods of time. Legolas had used that time to practise hard, on his own or with the replacing tutor. And with reasonable success. Now, after seven months of more blade work and hard hand-to-hand practice, it was a hard-won, but well-earned victory for Legolas indeed.
Legolas, despite himself, half-expected Haldir to announce his decision to let Legolas join the patrol now; but no such thing happened, and as the following weeks rolled by, Winter changing once again into Spring, bringing the yellow blossoms and new greens, Legolas began to feel the occasional sting of uncertainty. Was he not progressing as well as he thought he was? Would he ever be good enough in Haldir's critical eyes? Would Haldir ever think him fit for the patrol? His resolution to await Haldir's judgment patiently still stood, but on weaker fundaments, and Legolas feared a total collapse if this carried on much longer.
Sadly, his growing doubts reflected in his mood. Haldir sensed an uncharacteristical edginess in Legolas, an absence of mind that influenced Legolas's fighting - and not in a good way. In spite of his newly-obtained skills, the prince's fighting decreased in quality. He'd lost his sharpness, and even more importantly, also the joy he used to derive from the training. Haldir knew exactly what had caused it; and that knowledge was reason for him to brood a lot, for he found himself caught between conflicting considerations. And for the first time in many years, Haldir was undecisive, unsure what to do.
But when one day in early May, Legolas's morning practice evolved into a series of unforced errors from Legolas and increasingly impatient reprimands from Haldir, the Marchwarden decided he could not put it off any longer. He had already waited too long.
Sheathing his sword with a sigh, Haldir commanded, "Put away your sword, Legolas."
Legolas did as he was told. "I am sorry, Haldir," he said softly. "I don't know what is wrong with me today."
"You have no focus at all," Haldir said. "But it's not only today. It's a recent development, one I do not like in the least."
Legolas bowed his head, feeling ashamed. "I'll do better, Haldir, I promise -"
Haldir crossed the distance between them and put a hand on Legolas's shoulder, at which the younger Elf looked up to meet his gaze.
"You are a good student, Legolas," Haldir said sincerely. "Both devoted and talented, one of the best I ever had."
Legolas's cheeks flushed with pleasure at this compliment, the most direct one Haldir had given him until now. Haldir felt his heart shed some tears when he saw how much these simple words from him meant to Legolas, and what a change they made.
"Didn't you know that, Legolas?" he asked softly. "Haven't I made it clear enough, that I am content with your progression?"
"Yes. Yes, you have," Legolas hurried to say. "It's just... I..." He shrugged helplessly.
Haldir studied him for a few moments. "Sit down with me, Legolas," he said then.
When they were seated on the ground, facing each other, Haldir was silent for a little while, pondering on how to phrase the things he had to say. Legolas waited anxiously.
"When your father first asked me to be your mentor," Haldir eventually began, "he told me I could take you into the patrol once I was convinced of your skills. He specifically said I should not pamper you because of your ancestry, and that I should do anything to make you a warrior, including sending you on patrol."
Legolas nodded mutely. This was the first time Haldir supplied him with specific information of what had been said between him and Thranduil that day, and Legolas wondered why Haldir chose to tell him this now.
"Your command of the bow was already remarkable," Haldir continued, "and I knew you could become good, possibly outstanding, with other weapons as well. I swore I would make you a warrior who could wear his patrol uniform with pride. And by Varda, you have become such a warrior, Legolas."
Legolas was mildly astonished. "I have? But - there's still so much I have to learn..."
"That is true," Haldir nodded. "But you are resilient and a fast learner. Over the past years, I have seen you grow every day and it has made me very proud. But -"
"But I have been negligent these few weeks and I have disappointed you," Legolas completed, sadly.
Haldir smiled. "That was not what I was going to say. I was about to say, I have made a mistake, Legolas."
Legolas did not understand. "A mistake?" he frowned.
"Yes. I could have taken you on the last patrol, but I hesitated, and let it pass. For even though I promised your father I would not spare you because of your royal blood, I am still very aware of the fact that I have a prince in my keeping. The only Prince of Mirkwood, in fact, and if something happens to you, Mirkwood will no longer have an heir to the throne."
Legolas opened his mouth to speak, but Haldir would not be interrupted.
"That is a great responsibility," he said. "Still, I was already aware of this when I accepted the task, and I did so with full control of my senses. But I admit that the thought of taking you on patrols, which sometimes are uneventful happenings and sometimes not, frightens me a little."
"You are afraid something'll happen to me?" Legolas asked.
Haldir gave a little smirk. "Yes... How is that? A captain who's afraid to send someone into the field? But you're not just the average warrior, Legolas, and I can't pretend that you are. You are a Crown Prince, and I can't bear the thought of some ill befalling you because of that fact... and also, because I care for you, very much."
Legolas was at a search for words. So Haldir was concerned about his well-being...
"But I must put that fear behind me," Haldir said firmly. "I promised your father I would make you a patrol member and a patrol member you shall be. The experience will be very good for you, and very useful. But I must ask you one thing."
"Which is...?" Legolas asked.
"You desire to be part of the patrol," Haldir said. "I am sure you already know this, but I must ask, for I have seen it happen to young Elves before. They think being in the patrol is an exciting adventure, and it *is*, sometimes; but on other occasions, it can be worse than your worst nightmare."
Legolas nodded slowly. "I know," he said.
"Do you?" Haldir studied him closely for a moment, with a scrutinizing gaze. "Would you kill if the situation asked for it, Legolas? Would you take a life?"
"To save mine, or yours, or that of another patrol member, yes," Legolas said decisively.
"And what about giving your life?" Haldir continued. He looked very serious. "Are you willing to put your life at risk, shed your blood for something that doesn't concern you directly?"
Legolas looked puzzled.
"Lórien," Haldir explained.
"Lórien *does* concern me, Haldir," Legolas said urgently. "It has been my home for almost three years now, and it has been your home for all of your life. It is the most important thing in the world to you. You are my mentor, my friend, and you will be my captain; therefore, Lórien is also important to *me*. And yes, I will join the patrol even if it should mean my end. It is my father's wish and it is mine. If I don't take that risk, how will I ever learn; how else will I ever be able to fight for the good cause?"
Haldir looked at him in surprised silence, and for a moment, he thought it was a different Elf he beheld; a much older Elf. He had never heard Legolas speak so passionately before. If only he could be really, completely sure that Legolas was ready... But he, too, would have to take a risk. He had no other option. Legolas was eager, and convinced that he was ready. Time would tell if it was true, maybe even very soon.
"You do not think me strong enough?" Legolas said, sensing the nature of Haldir's musings.
Haldir was honest, but friendly. "I have faith in your fighting skills. Whether you are mentally prepared, you will have to prove in the field." Seeing Legolas's face, Haldir took his shoulder and shook it gently. "There now," he said in an attempt to cheer the young Elf up. "It's difficult for everyone in the beginning, and all my warriors had to prove themselves. We'll set out for a patrol along the southern border in two weeks. It promises to be very dull, and it will be the perfect opportunity for you to become familiar with everyone and to see how you fit in."
Legolas tried not to beam too much. "Thank you, Haldir," he said softly. "I promise I won't disappoint you."
"I know you won't," Haldir smiled, getting up. "Come," he said, pulling Legolas up as well, "we have practised enough for today. Tomorrow will be a new day."
Legolas was pensive as they both drew on their tunics. "I can do it, Haldir," he eventually said. "I may never have been in a battle before, nor have I ever taken a life, but I do have some idea of what to expect. I'm not a naïve babe."
Haldir smiled. Legolas may be a prince, but he was just like every young Elf in so many ways; eager to prove himself, convinced of his inner strength, convinced of the blessing of the Valar. And yet, in some respects, Legolas *was* different. Haldir had never seen an Elf whose spirit was so youthful, and at the same time so much older than the body to which it belonged. The young prince possessed several qualities that were strange to most Elves his age, and these qualities made him a worthy member of the patrol, even though he would be the youngest by far.
"I know you're not, Legolas," Haldir said.
"And I've seen Orcs before, you know," Legolas added.
Haldir nodded, but when Legolas turned away, felt his smile grow faint.
That is exactly my concern, Legolas, he thought; that is exactly my concern.
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