Title & Chapter Number: Destiny’s Moment 3/?
Author(s): - Author's Index
Fandom: Tolkien
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I am writing fan fiction solely for my own enjoyment and do not claim any copyright or ownership nor do I have intent to make financial gain from Tolkien's wonderful world. Jadriel is my character conceived from my mind. Embrelle is a character who was from the mind of my good friend, Milena, who graciously allowed me to continue the story when she decided not to help with the writing.
Warnings: Het Romance, some violence, rape (only minimally described)
Betas: Dorothy…'The Great'
Cast: Haldir/OFC, Legolas/OFC, Rúmil, Orophin, Galadriel, Celeborn, The Fellowship, other OCs
Timeline: TA around the time of the Fellowship
Spoilers: None
Summary: Feeling saddened by her mother's death and abandoned by her father, Jadriel makes a heart wrenching decision. For Jadriel this moment of destiny comes when she chooses to give up her elven heritage and leave Lórien. She begins a new life as a human and lives as a ranger. She makes a new friend, Embrelle. The present story picks up where Jadriel feels compelled to return to Lórien and is faced with her past in an effort to help the Fellowship.
Notes: Alternate titles I liked: "Jadriel's Choice', and my personal favorite "How to Loose a Marchwarden in 10 Millennia". Dedication: To Dorothy, my beta, who has worked hard to help me correct my many grammatical and spelling flaws and have given me encouragement to keep writing. My deepest heart felt thanks for all her enthusiasm and hard work.
Part III: Rationalizations
Haldir left the talan quickly to avoid Jadriel seeing his trembling. Rapidly he descended the spiral staircase to the floor of the great Mallorn forest. He needed to get some air. Rarely had the Marchwarden experienced such confusion, but the events of the last two days had left his head spinning. A run…yes… perhaps that would clear my head, he thought as he headed for the gates of the city. He needed time in the forest away from the city…away from her. Why had she returned? He had dispensed of his feelings long ago when her return seemed impossible.
Haldir started down the main path toward the gates of the city. The further from the city the faster he walked. He tried hard not to draw attention to himself. At the edge of the city he found himself at a full sprint. Ordinarily swift and sure, he felt as though he were hardly able to move, like he was mired in a thick bog.
He set out toward the direction of one of his favorite thinking spots…. Cerin Amroth. The longer he ran the clearer his thinking seemed. Swiftly he glided through the forest floor. With each step he replayed the recent events. The moment he first saw her again… anger…or was it disbelief? The years that passed were hardly a season for an elf of his age, but time seemed to have moved so slowly that they felt like a millenium. She never said good-bye, never gave any explanation. Slowly the years waned on in her absence until sadness and despair had given way to loneliness and anger. More slowly he reconciled she was never coming back. To see her again was inexplicable. Since her reappearance, she had barely acknowledged their relationship… or their loss…his loss. She only asked for his help – for humans and dwarves no less! Yes, anger was most correct. He had long put aside any feelings he had had in this matter for his duty. He had always done his duty. This is how he survived the centuries alone. This is how he had continued despite her absence. Still…what force had driven him to say those things to her?
" I should have never showed such weakness!" Anger gave way to disgust toward himself.
Suddenly, running did not seem to be enough. Haldir took to the trees…climbing the closest to him. The Marchwarden could travel long distances rapidly high above the floor in the forest canopy. The additional use of his arms was a welcomed relief to this useless line of thought. He reached a convenient flet and launched himself to the next tree. He grabbed the limb and springboarded to a lower limb in a neighboring tree. For long minutes this proved beneficial – relieving him of this oppressive mental exercise in which he had been engaged.
The serenity of physical activity – even in the trees – did not last long. He remembered the previous night in the talan…sleep was fitful and disturbed. He told himself it was caused by the Orcs nearby and the Fellowship’s intrusion of his forest. He did not believe this. Was it the fury he felt at her boldness in returning, the bitterness of rekindling long buried memories or perhaps just her physical nearness that disturbed him so? To this there was no answer. Just as he was considering the thought he made a running leap off a talan to a distant tree. His grip missed the limb by mere inches.
"Sons of Orcs!" The elven curse exploded from his lips as he tumbled through the branches. "How could I have become so distracted?" Twigs scratched across his arms; his tunic ripped as he struggled to grip any limb. The world dissolved into a blur of gold as he fell through the Mellorn leaves.
"Aiya!" he involuntarily shrieked as a large bough impacted his left thigh. Another cry escaped his lips as a second large branch caught his right ribcage.
Finally his uncontrolled fall came to an abrupt halt in a large fork of the great tree. With a sickening thud of his head the world faded to darkness around him. The last thing he remembered seeing was his objective - Cerin Amroth – in the distance.
~*~*~*~
Jadriel stood away from the door that had supported her for the last few minutes.
"Foolish to show such weakness! I will be leaving in the morning, nothing will stop that," she resolved. "I have lingered too long already."
She gazed around her father’s flet…her flet. "It has not changed."
Indeed it appeared the same as the day she left. It was fresh and clean as though someone regularly attended it, not closed up as if untouched for decades. Everything was as she had left it… her clothes, the furniture, her jewelry. She had not taken anything but the clothes on her back, her bow and quiver, and her favorite sword.
She even traded her elven bow and quiver for one man-made, to make her transition to the world of Man more complete. As she rummaged through long forgotten belongings… she realized there was one thing missing…. her father’s necklace. He had given it to her as she approached adulthood. It was a family heirloom made for her great grandmother in the Undying Lands. Jadriel had received it from her father who had been given it on his departure from Aman many millennia ago. Of all her possessions, it was the one she treasured the greatest. The day of her departure it had seemed too great a link to her elven heritage to bring.
"It must be here… somewhere". Her memory of its location was faultless. The Jewel of the Golden Star was missing. "How very strange," she pondered. She never worried about leaving it behind, for no elf would steal.
At that moment, there came a knock on the door.
"Come in," called Jadriel from the back room for elven doors had no need of locks.
"Excuse me Madame, I am bringing these gowns by request of The Lady. I knew not why the Master of the house would make such a request of The Lady … until now. You are quite lovely and these gowns will be beautiful on you"
Jadriel was unsure she liked the implications of the statement. "The Master of the house has not lived here in over thirty years," Jadriel said as she stared questioningly in Arquelle’s eyes. Jadriel had recognized her as one of Galadriel’s house maidens and knew she was privy to many of the goings-on around the palace area. Perhaps she would learn some interesting news from this house maiden.
"I beg to differ Madame…. Haldir comes to the house quite frequently, although of recent months it seems his duties have kept him away more often than not," Arquelle stated in her innocent matter of fact manner.
"Haldir!" Jadriel’s eyes widened. "Is it the habit of the master to entertain females in this house?" She could hardly contain the question that burst from her lips. She nearly dropped the brush she had carried since rummaging in her jewelry box.
"No, my lady. That is why I was so surprised to find you here."
Jadriel’s outrage abated. She found no pressing reason to explain the identity of the true Master of the house. With no further ado she simply stated, "Please extend to the Lady of the Wood my sincere thanks for her gracious gifts."
Arquelle blinked. " May I be of further assistance to you? May I draw your bath or help you dress?"
"No… thank you for your assistance, Arquelle. It has been most helpful. Please tell the Lady the dresses are beautiful." With this Arquelle bowed and took her leave of the Lady of the House.
After Arquelle left, Jadriel stared at the beautiful gowns the Lady had provided. They were exquisite, as were all elven fabrics. One was silvery-grey, another pale blue like distant starlight, and the third pure white. All were silken soft, nearly transparent and embroidered with silvery thread. Jadriel decided on the pale blue. She liked the way it enhanced her clear blue eyes. The tattered travel clothes were a far cry from the graceful gown she was about to don. She had not worn the gowns of the Galadhrim since she left. How foreign a silken gown would feel in comparison to the coarse material of her leggings.
Jadriel sunk into a warm deep tub…ages … it had been ages since she had a real tub soak in warm elanor fragranced waters. Usually bathing consisted of wading quickly into cold streams or water falls. The luxury and quiet of a private room escaped her in the wilds of the north. She found her body finally relaxing but her mind drifting to Haldir. She was filled with nervous anticipation of tonight, and was unsure if she even wanted him to see her in a gown. She never felt very comfortable in them, generally preferring travel tunics and leggings. Both were infinitely more practical and comfortable.
She settled deeply back into the tub and closed her eyes. She cursed herself, for all she could think of was Haldir. He had left over a half-hour ago. She had gone nearly thirty years trying not to think of him, why was it that the last thirty minutes were so difficult! Suddenly, she sat bolt up as a shock of pain coursed through her body. She had no idea why it had happened. It had left as quickly as it had started. Jadriel finished her bath hurriedly and dried off. She was left with a low underlying feeling of uneasiness that she simply could not shake.
~*~*~*~
Haldir woke from his unconsciousness with a start.
"By the light of Eärendil! What had happened?"
He did not move. He felt like he had finished a great battle…his body was racked with pain… his head pounded… for a moment his vision was blurred. His side ached with each breath. His limbs felt like rubber. He lay cradled in the fork of the great tree like a baby.
These all seemed like sufficient reasons to just lie there and recover for a while. Then he noticed the position of the stars in the night sky. He would be very late. The Lady had commanded him to escort Jadriel. He would be quite remiss in his duties if he never showed up. How would he explain this to the Lord and Lady…or rather how would he rationalize failure to complete his assigned tasks because of foolish personal shortfallings . . . so to speak? He chuckled to himself at the mental play on words. Perhaps he was already beginning to mend. "It is likely The Lady is already aware of my plight but answering for this failure of duty is altogether another matter." In all his years…he had always completed his assigned charges from the Lady. He gathered himself from the tree and made his way painfully to the ground. Tree travel was impossible. Running was too painful. He resigned himself to limping through the Golden Wood, and would take his correction like the Elf he was, for he most definitely was going to be late.
~*~*~*~
The Fellowship arrived at the campsite at the base of one of the great Mallorn trees. The accommodations were comfortable, even inviting. All were tired and hungry after their travels. The forest was serene, and a beautiful song could be heard filtering through the trees as the Elves of Lórien sang of Gandalf. Each member looked over the accommodations and selected a small place to finally rest.
Embrelle paced. She was still infuriated by the conversation with the Marchwarden. She should have demanded to leave when they were at the forest edge. She felt like a prisoner in Lothlórien. She stood on the edge of the camp staring up into the trees. Somewhere high above remained Jadriel. She wanted the comfort of her companionship. She needed it more than ever at this moment since she discovered Gandalf was gone, and wanted to go back to find her. She walked to the stairway leading up the tree only to be barred at the entrance by the guards. She scowled her frustration as her heart ached for Gandalf. Perhaps if she had heeded the warnings of her dream sooner, he would be here now. Had she acted sooner, he would be alive now. She knew nothing of this strange traveling group and was not entirely sure she wanted to remain near them. The song from the trees carried such melancholy; it required all her strength to fight back tears. She could not cry in front of these strangers. She wanted to be alone with her sorrow.
Embrelle was brought back to the present by a friendly, somewhat gruff voice. "Lass, would you be having something to eat?" Gimli offered her a cup and plate of food.
"Thank you," she smiled weakly. "I am really not hungry at the moment." Embrelle distracted herself by setting up her camp gear. She selected a quiet spot nestled between the roots of the great tree, away from the Fellowship, and spread out her sleeping roll. Next she arranged her pack then settled her self on the forest floor to suffer her pain in silence.
Embrelle stared distractedly into the forest darkness, her mind a million miles from Lórien. Legolas sat alone in his own grief for Gandalf, staring across the camp at Embrelle. What an unlikely associate for his old friend Jadriel to acquire, he thought. In many ways they were quite the opposite. While Jadriel was tall and graceful in her statue, Embrelle was short and rambunctious. Jadriel temperament was controlled, patient and one could say refined in mannerism. Legolas had seen that Embrelle’s was a fiery short fuse, given to impatience. He could easily see that mouth of hers getting her into trouble...often. Yet the two unlikely friends did seem to compliment each other and apparently work well together. He smiled at the thought of the surprised expressions on the Warden’s faces when they realized the pair had entered the Wood and escaped notice. His group was certainly detained quickly enough! Indeed, this one called Embrelle had her own charm. Beneath the unrefined veneer, lay a beautiful gem. With her armor removed, her long dark auburn hair flowed freely in the cool night breeze, highlighting her petite frame. His gaze followed her movements until her restlessness led her down the pathway into the forest away from the Fellowship’s camp.
A jar from Gimli shook Legolas from his musings. "Why don’t you go and talk to her, Laddie?" he offered with a smirk.
Legolas shot him an annoyed stare. "She will be fine. She just needs some time to alone." He then turned to settle in for the night.
Some time passed. Legolas woke worried something was amiss. Looking over the camp, he realized Embrelle had not returned from the forest. Concerned, he left to search for her. After a short walk through the trees, he found her sitting, curled into a ball, arms wrapped around knees with her head slumped forward. It was then that he realized she was crying. He watched in silence, wanted to go to her and comfort her; his heart made heavy by such a despondent sight. Sadly, he decided she needed this time alone to work through her grief for Gandalf, as did he. Without a sound, he settled himself behind the tree to watch over her until she felt it possible to return to camp.
~*~*~*~
Jadriel fidgeted with the gown. The person she saw in the mirror seemed a stranger to her. How out of place in the elven world. The short locks she loved to wear were now an embarrassment to her in the elven attire. She could not best figure how to place them. No braids. No silvery flowing tendrils. She really did look quite human after all these years. "Where is Haldir?" She stated exasperated with the duration of the wait. She knew better than to keep the Lord and Lady waiting. Galadriel had made a special point to arrange this private dinner engagement; she certainly had some motivation.
She should not be late. If Haldir was not coming, perhaps he had thought better of his offer. She would wait no longer. She could speak to him of this oversight later. She left in the direction of the palace talan. Her royal gown flowing fluidly with each step that showed the grace of experience even after many years without practice. The Ranger had transformed herself into the Royal Niece of the Galadhrim. "Sigh", she was once again about to do her duty.
As Jadriel approached the private dining room of Celeborn and Galadriel, she could hear music playing inside and soft singing outside that seemed to be pouring forth from all the trees. A lament for Gandalf. How sad a loss to the world. Mithrandir, the grey wanderer, was how he was known and loved by the elves. He had been a longtime and trusted friend to the elves of Lothlórien and to her uncle, Lord Celeborn. She would sorely miss his wisdom and stories.
Nearing the door, she arranged her gown. Positioned the last few strands of her hair. Straightened her posture. She presented herself at the entrance and bowed to the Lord and Lady. "Mae Govannen, My Lord. My Lady" She waited.
"Enter my niece," stated the Lady. There was no formality in her voice. Conspicuously absent was Haldir. The Lady frowned imperceptibly but made no mention of it. The Lady carried on as if there were no one else expected. "Please be seated. I am delighted to see you are wearing one of my gowns. It is beautiful on you, my child"
"Welcome to our table. We are pleased once again to enjoy your company. We have a matter of great urgency to discuss." This was the Lord speaking.
The Lady, "It is your intention to leave tomorrow." This was not a question, for little escaped her notice.
"Yes, it is."
"We wish you to stay…for a while at least … in the homeland of your kin. Long years have passed since your departure. You have become weary from your travel. Perhaps a stay in the Galadhrim would refresh. You have much left to do. You will need all your strength to accomplish these tasks."
"I cannot." She averted her eyes from their gaze.
Sadness crept into the face of The Lady of Light. Her radiance seemed to dim somewhat with the answer.
"You, of all, know of my reasons for leaving the Galadhrim and pursuing the ways of a Ranger of the North. My Father…"
"Not all elves are like your Father…my Brother. But we all love you as much as he. Yes, Jadriel, he did love you." The words were spoken gently from Galadriel’s lips for she knew she tread on unsteady ground with Jadriel. This child of the First Born had much to resolve about feelings for her heritage, her people, her family and…. perhaps for Haldir…her one love. What words could she and her husband use to keep her in Lórien long enough for this healing to begin? Jadriel had been running from this work of healing for decades. "We have missed you, my child. Will you not come home?"
"I already have a home," Jadriel replied blandly.
" You have a cave! It offers none of the comforts of your father’s talan," The Lady stated with firm gauged patience.
"May I remind you caves were good enough for my ancestors. The great Finrod Felagund lived in caves." Jadriel countered.
""That was different. The Nargothrond was not a simple dirt floor cave. It was a great fortress city with many grand rooms," The Lady explained, exasperated with her stubborn niece.
"So what is the difference? I am still happy," Jadriel words were spoken with little conviction.
"Are you…? You see none of your kin. You have no bond mate. You have no friends. You eat alone. Elves were not meant to live as such."
"I have friends."
"What … a bird and a horse?" The Lady was fast losing patience.
"They are not simply a bird and horse! They are a falcon who watches over me and a Mearas that no other could ride which chooses to bear me on my travels. As you know, eagles were trusted of Manwë. The great Thorondor had often assisted the Eldar in the First Age. Birds can be faithful friends."
"Jadriel, I do not need a history lesson."
"Besides there is Embrelle. She has been a trusted comrade since we met many months ago." Jadriel said with renewed confidence.
"Months to a human are not even as days to you, my dear. Their time is brief at best. What will happen as time catches up with your friend and the years take their toll on her body? You will remain yet unchanged."
Jadriel was sat quietly for a moment and appeared to be brooding. She then gave an answer that silenced the room. "In these days, any one of us may count our time as brief. My mother’s life was brief. My time with my father was "brief". The quality time I had to share with my father was cut short by her death. I had to watch him dwindle over the millennia to a shadow of his former self. I was alone during that time as I am now. Which of our long Elven lives will be the next to be brief?"
Galadriel closed her eyes and sighed deeply. For she alone knew of the dark images for the near future revealed by the mirror. Jadriel had no way of knowing how close her words might be to the truth. Galadriel knew that soon many of her Elves might be taken from this realm including Jadriel’s beloved. She stared at her brother’s daughter - such bitterness she harbored for her elven heritage – no wonder she wants to leave Lórien.
As if she could perceive The Lady’s very thoughts, Jadriel declares, "I have much to do outside the realm of Lórien. The Fellowship will be leaving soon. It is my intention to assist in any way that I am able. I plan to scout ahead with Ariel to hopes of helping the Fellowship avoid danger."
A veil of sadness washed over Galadriel. For all her years of experience and wisdom, she knew not what to say to sway her niece. Galadriel knew what joy could await her niece if she chose to remain and foresaw the possibilities that existed if she chose to leave. The unhappiness and the desolation of the years away from Lothlórien were evident on her niece’s countenance.
It was Celeborn who broke the painful silence. "You have long wished to go the ways of the Guardians of Lórien and become a warden. We discouraged you throughout your life, thinking such duty was beneath your position. We knew that you did not lack the skill to join the ranks. We had hoped you would have chosen a gentler path. Perhaps we were mistaken, to have taken away something that would have given you such joy and personal satisfaction. You could still even now join the ranks of the Wardens. I have spoken with my Captain, Haldir. He was prepared to offer you a position in his unit or perhaps another if you had preferred. I will make that same offer for him now. You would not have to give up your ranger ways. I have no doubt you have improved on your already excellent skills in the years of service as a ranger."
The offer was sincere. Jadriel had no trouble seeing this. All her life, since her father had introduced her to the Marchwarden as a mere elfling, she had desired to join the ranks of the Guardians of Lórien. What an honor to serve the Galadhrim in this manner. Few had ever been straightforwardly asked to join. The selection process was vigorous and difficult. It was even harder for the females. Few were among the ranks. However if they were skillful enough to prove themselves, they were selected without hesitation or discrimination and treated as well as and any of the male elves. She knew she possessed the skill to be selected. She had been prevented by Celeborn and Galadriel over the years. It was improper. That was what she was always told. That is . . . for a Lady of the royal bloodline. Improper for a Noldor not a Silvan to hold such a position. But now they are encouraging me to take the position. What she would not have done a few years ago to hear those words, but now so much had changed. She refused to even consider herself elven. How could she return? Even to her beloved Golden Wood. In her heart, she wanted to leap at the opportunity. In her head, she knew she had more pressing matters to attend outside of Lórien.
"I will consider your splendid offer. I can make no promise tonight for I still feel my path leads away from Lórien. Thank you for your consideration in this matter."
With that, the meal continued in a more subdued spirit and finished without further discussion on the matter of her staying. She gave her thanks to the Lord and Lady of the Galadhrim, bowed reverently and left. Reeling from confusion, Jadriel made her way down the stairs to the forest floor to seek out her friend Embrelle. Her advice had always been welcomed in such times. Besides, what a poor host to bring a friend to her homeland and abandon her to the company of strangers. The uneasiness she had felt earlier had been slowly building throughout the evening to the point of undirected worry. Speaking with Embrelle would help and perhaps give her some perspective.
Once Jadriel left, Galadriel spoke to Celeborn, " I fear for her, my husband. The mirror holds many dark images of the future. She would be safer in Lórien. We must find a way! I promised my brother I would watch over her. I will not let him down."
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