Title & Chapter Number: Guarded 5/?
Author(s): - Author's Index
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Rating: PG-13 (Will be rated higher in later chapters)
Disclaimer: J.R.R Tolkien and his heirs own Lord of the Rings and the characters he created. I have made no profit from this story.
Warnings: Het fic
Betas: Fianna & Julie
Cast: Haldir/OFC, Orophin, Rúmil, Galadriel, Celeborn, Aragorn, Elrond, Elrohir, Elladan, Arwen
Timeline: Pre-Fellowship to Fourth Age, 3001- 100
Spoilers: Haldir doesn't die.
Summary: Haldir of Lórien has protected the borders of Lothlórien and those of his heart for three thousand years with the utmost vigilance. Indil has learned from bitter experience to protect herself, but also to live as thought the sun will never rise again. Can he remain so well guarded against one who is determined to claim him for herself?
Notes: I loved Haldir when I read the Fellowship of the Ring and I thought that his death in the movie was unjust. This Haldir is a blend of the book and movie character and hopefully it works. There is a listing at the end of this chapter of Sindarin words and phrases.
Chapter 5: Truth
Six days had passed since Indil had first laid eyes upon Galadriel and her granddaughter, Arwen, and yet it had seemed like a lifetime since she had last seen Haldir. In that time she had been well-fed and Lord Celeborn had healed her ribs completely. She had been thrilled on the second morning to be able to see her brother fit and rested, though still a bit weak and pale.
He had told her in halting words between bouts of tears and shouts of anger what had transpired between his mother and the two Orcs that had caught up to them in the higher pastures.
Though innocent in the ways of sexuality, both had seen the cattle copulate on occasion and knew vaguely what had been done to their mother. Indil had felt more hatred and rage in that moment than in her entire life - so much so that she had staggered out onto the balcony of the talan and vomited up her breakfast.
Arwen had found her, unsteady and weeping quietly into her hands, and drew her close. "What is it, Indil? Are you unwell?"
"Nana," she had sobbed before spilling out Falathar's story as Arwen held listened.
The beautiful Elf had stroked the child's dark hair and rocked her gently until the crying lessened before stopping altogether. She then gazed down into the little girl's face as she used a scrap of linen to wipe away Indil's tears. "I understand your pain, Indil, for my mother was tormented by Orcs as well. It was many years ago but she never recovered."
Indil stared into Arwen's deep blue eyes. "Did she die?"
"Not her body," Arwen breathed with a sadness so deep it seemed to tinge the air around them. "But her spirit was wounded so severely that she went over the sea within a year and I despair of ever seeing her beautiful face again. So in a way, she is lost to me."
The child frowned and spoke with a bitter tone. "I hate Orcs... I hate the world!"
Arwen remained serene and simply shook her head. "Nay, Indil, that is the path of destruction. Despise Orcs and vow to fight them however you can, but do not give in to hate for it will make of you what the enemy is and then he will win. The best revenge is to love the world so much that you can feel it as a living thing - joy and love are always the best antidotes to pain and weariness of the soul."
Indil had nodded and thought about what Arwen had said.
She had decided a few days later that there was wisdom in those words, but that she would find a way to make the Orcs pay for what they had done. It was on that day that she swore a solemn oath to herself that she would have revenge upon Sauron as well for spreading his poison over Middle-earth; ever would she oppose him in all possible ways. She would live her life with joy and she would seek to ever increase her own knowledge so that she might protect those who were weak and unable to help themselves.
Indil listened to the leaves singing a sweet melody as they rustled in the breeze and she looked down from Galadriel's talan wondering where Haldir was and why he had not returned to see her. It seemed to her that he was most likely on patrol and the most logical thing to do was to visit him.
Smiling, she stood up and took a deep breath of the cool, fresh air and hummed a little tune as she went off in search of her younger brother.
~*~*~*~
The late afternoon air was agreeable and Haldir sighed as he tossed a long blade of grass into the Nimrodel. He watched it float amidst the silvery foam as the bubbling water cascaded over deep brown rocks before being drowned in a small, swirling whirlpool near a set of minor rapids. The beauty of the sun dancing upon the silver waters was soothing to his soul.
He had been very glad to return to the northern post rather than look at Indil and feel a sense of guilt.
The knowledge that she was not Saelben and Oloriel's daughter had been confirmed by Galadriel, but she had not seen fit to reveal to him who her parents were; neither had he felt free to ask such a question of her. His queen would have been more forthcoming if the information was of relevance to him.
Why was he tormented by such remorse for something he had no control over? There was no way in which to prevent Saelben and his family from being slain - aside from forcing them back toward civilization at the point of his blade.
"Perhaps I should have done just that," he mused aloud to the stream and the nearby trees.
Rúmil's voice was soft. "Done what, Haldir? I grow concerned at your behavior for you have been glum since your return."
Haldir frowned at the water and sighed before turning. "Am I not always dour according to you and Orophin?"
"Yes," Rúmil answered with a tiny smirk. "But you are unbearable since your journey and I fear that soon your wardens shall band together and revolt." The grin disappeared and was replaced with earnest concern. "You have done naught but bluster and keep completely to yourself. Orophin offered you a cup of that Dorwinion wine he brought from Caras Galadon and you refused - you love that wine."
He arched one dark brow as he stared at his brother. "And you exaggerate, Rúmil."
His brother moved closer and crossed his arms over his chest. "Did you not threaten to box Orophin's ears once when he ran through your private reserve?"
Haldir sighed. "That was nearly three hundred years ago and yet I am still reminded of my tirade." He pointed at his younger brother. "I should think you might let that go, my brother. Do I remind you of your mistakes? Do I tell all the world that you were once madly in love with Arwen and mooned over her like a fool? No, I do not."
"You just did," Rúmil gasped as he quickly scanned the nearby woods to make certain no one had overheard them. "I do not throw out such memories with any pleasure..."
"Ha!" Haldir interrupted. "You have always taken great delight in pointing out my faults to all that might hear and find amusement in them."
Rúmil's eyes narrowed. "Untrue and unjust is your exclamation! Your problem is and has always been that you are too serious for your own good. Duty is all you care for and you allow yourself to grow more into a dull wretch with every passing decade!"
Haldir felt his cheeks color with the insult. "I am not boring! Who says this? Aside from you."
"Orophin, Ciryon, Thoron, Eredh, Lómion, Berion, Gwathar..."
"At least I take something seriously!" Haldir shouted, his temper finally roused. "You take nothing seriously at all aside from chasing handmaidens upon your breaks from guard duty! I wish that for once in your life you would see that all the world is not a garden of delight for you to dabble in." Calming down, he threw up his hands. "Everything is a jest for you, Rúmil, and I would not deny you that, but I would ask that I not always be the butt of your jokes."
Rúmil shook his silver head and gazed around the forest surrounding them. "If you were not too serious than you would realize that if I jest with you or make a joke it is only done out of love. There is not and has never been any word that has passed my lips out of spite. I will leave you to your thoughts."
Haldir sighed and ran his hands over his head. He took a moment to study his nerves before daring to speak again. "Rúmil," he called. "I was wrong - forgive me."
"How touching!" A clearly amused male voice rang out.
Another male voice, sounding very much like the first, was nearly choking in the blatant attempt to stifle laughter. "Indeed! Lothlórien seems to have degenerated into a love festival in our absence!"
Rúmil stared past his elder brother and groaned softly. "Ai! I would rather face a Balrog than those two."
Haldir turned and the color drained slowly from his face. "Elladan and Elrohir," he pronounced gravely. "I have been told you were on your way." The March Warden stiffened under the broad smiles of the two dark-haired Elves facing him. "Mae govannen."
Elladan and Elrohir were identical twins and the sons of Elrond and Celebrían. Through the lady Celebrían, the twins and Arwen, their younger sister, were grandchildren of Celeborn and Galadriel. It was said that none aside from Elrond could tell the two apart if they desired to create mischief.
Tall, with hair as dark as a raven's wing, they possessed stunning blue eyes that gleamed like fine sapphires. The pair looked very much like their father, but their cheekbones and noses were a tad softer. A noble forehead and firm chin spelled out for all both wisdom and determination was heavy in their character.
Though Haldir had often questioned their wisdom over the years. It took all of his effort not to keep from fleeing post haste as far from the pair as possible. The twins were known far and wide for their practical jokes and he could not see for the life of him how Aragorn could stand such close quarters with the two. The thought made him reconsider whether the leader of the Dúnedain was as sensible as Haldir had always assumed.
To his surprise, the pair sighed before one climbed down from his horse.
"I am told that Saelben and his kin were slain," he started before falling silent as he patted the roan horse's neck.
The twin still astride his stallion shook his head. "Forgive Elrohir," Elladan offered softly. "Saelben had ridden with us often against Orcs in Eriador and we were especially fond of him."
"He was a good man," Haldir replied gently. The knowledge that the other wardens were close by and holding back their greeting out of respect made him remember his place. "You have come then for Indil and Falathar?"
Elrohir nodded grimly. "Yes, our father greatly wishes to lend his aid to the children of Saelben. How has our sister been?"
Rúmil chuckled. "The Evenstar is as well as can be expected without the company of her lord."
All laughed for it was an open secret that Arwen Undómiel was in love with Aragorn of the Dúnedain.
Haldir studied the twins with casual eyes as he led them toward the path to Caras Galadon. How his life might have been different if only she had said yes to him...
But Celebrían had refused his courtship in favor of Lord Elrond.
The memory was stinging and it was always followed by the feeling of an agonizing loss; not only of the one he had loved, but also of any children they might have created together. Silver-haired and starry-eyed, Celebrían had captured his heart with only just a glance.
He wondered now and then how she fared over the sea. If she had remained with him as his wife than the Orcs would never have taken her and tortured her as they had a few hundred years earlier. The fact that he had desperately tried to dissuade her from taking the Redhorn Pass on her way home that year was cold comfort.
Ever did he blame himself for being of an unpersuasive tongue - the memory of her laughter as she regarded him from her horse was one that held the power to make him weak. Haldir counted himself as a failure for not being able to protect her. Celebrían had been a fragile creature and it deeply pained him to think of anyone raising even their voice to her.
Haldir might have been seen as arrogant, cold, serious, and even boring, but he was at heart romantic though he hid it well. He had loved Celebrían from afar for thousands of years and no other had touched him as deeply. There had been other Eldarin ladies who had attempted to seduce him in an effort to gain a bonding that would enhance their status, but their efforts had failed. He was too well versed in politics and coy behavior to be influenced by such foolishness. He had enjoyed several passionate embraces over the long centuries but they had led to naught.
Orophin had married three decades earlier and Rúmil was content to conquer heart after heart, but he had guarded himself as well as he protected the borders of Lothlórien.
No one knew, not even his beloved brothers, that Haldir, March Warden of Lórien, was still unstained and held to his chastity as a drowning man would to a floating branch.
~*~*~*~
"Falathar! Get up you lazy sluggard!" Indil hissed as she tugged on his hand. "Come on! We have not a moment to waste."
The young boy rubbed his eyes and frowned as he looked up at his sister. She was dressed in a white, lacy gown that appeared entirely to good for the likes of her. He managed to free his hand and tried to pull the covers over his head. "Go away!" He mumbled before turning over. "I'm tired, Indil."
She rested her hands on her hips as her eyes narrowed and her foot tapped impatiently against the floor. "I have heard that soon the Elves from Rivendell will come and I will not be able to see Haldir again."
"Haldir is in the wood," Falathar groaned from beneath his blanket. "Why must you see him?"
Indil grabbed the blanket and ripped it off of him completely. "We should both see him again because he has ever been our friend. Now get up and be quick about it."
Falathar stuck his tongue at her. "No."
"Why you..."
A gentle, tinkling laugh interrupted the two siblings and they turned to find the Golden Lady and the Silver Lord behind them. The couple were dressed in white and smiled gently down upon the children from their great height.
Galadriel shook her head with amusement. "It warms my heart to have children close once more." She turned her face to her husband. "Do you remember the small, bright faces of the little ones in Doriath?"
"I have never forgotten," Celeborn replied with a wistful expression. "My one regret is that our people have chosen barrenness in these twilight years."
She nodded thoughtfully. "A great shame that we lose so many and yet none replenish the void left behind." With a laugh, Galadriel turned back to the children before her. "Enough of our ancient memories for you do not wish to hear of the Elder days. Tell me, Indil, where were you taking Falathar?"
The little girl found that she could not tear her gaze away from the clear, star-blue gaze of the Elf lady. "I was going to see Haldir."
Celeborn raised one dark eyebrow. "Really? The northern border is a day's journey from here by horse. I expect that our March Warden would become quite angry if you had made it that far." The Elven Lord's eyes bored so deeply into the child's that she could not look away. "You must remember that there are great dangers in the forest, Indil. Some of them are obvious, but many are not. Be on your guard always in the wilderness once you leave Lothlórien."
"Indil has me to protect her," Falathar objected as he grabbed her around the waist.
Galadriel smiled broadly. "And a strong protector you will be, Falathar. I foresee greatness before you and songs celebrating your bravery, but heed always the word of Lord Celeborn, for he is wise in all things. Will you walk with me, Indil?"
She looked at her brother and held him more closely.
"I need to check the progress of his healing," Celeborn offered. "It must be done soon or you will be going to Rivendell alone."
Falathar and Indil stared at one another before stepping apart.
"Do not fear me," Galadriel said as she held out her hand. "I pray that I am not an ogre in your eyes."
Indil smiled and took the outstretched hand. "Nay, nín Brennil, you shine like the sun."
A laugh escaped Galadriel's throat as they exited the talan. There were few stairs to descend as the children had been placed in the lowest branches of the mallorn tree closest to Celeborn's. A few Elves, mostly ladies, could be seen amongst the trees chatting, but the ground was deserted otherwise. Most conducted their business above or were further out in the surrounding woods.
Galadriel moved more slowly so that the child beside her could keep pace. "Have you ever seen meril bushes before?"
"I have not," Indil answered with delight. "Are there some nearby?"
The Elf Queen flashed the girl a secretive smile. "I have many in my garden. You shall take some of the blossoms if you like." She seemed pensive a moment before stopping and looking down at the child standing nervously before her. "Indil, have you had any odd dreams since coming to Caras Galadon?"
Indil shook her head. "No, I do not dream."
"Never?" Galadriel questioned with a sharp look. "Are you certain?"
Indil concentrated and chewed on her bottom lip for a brief moment. She looked up with sincerity shining in the depths of her stormy blue eyes. "I do not remember having any dreams."
Galadriel looked away; lost in the abyss of her own thoughts. It took great effort to pull herself out and come back to reality. "Yes," she stated slowly, as though in a daze. "I suppose you would not remember such things for you are very young and she might not be ready to reveal herself to you. The coming years will be the test for you both."
"Who are you speaking of?" Indil questioned.
Emerging from her trance-like state, Galadriel took the girl's hand once more and headed back toward the garden. "One day, you will know of whom I speak, but I may not reveal more. Come and I will show you such flowers as you have never seen."
~*~*~*~
The night wind was singing through the branches of the lone copse of Brethil trees as the moon cast ghostly shadows along the ground. Crickets were chirping in the underbrush as the sound of a deer moving nearby came to Aragorn.
He watched the darkened world around him as he leaned back against the firm, unyielding trunk of an ancient oak. The smell of roasting meat and the low murmuring in Sindarin of Thranduil's messengers was soothing to the weary Ranger. His heart was heavy with grief and doubt as he relived the words of the Elves and those of Halbarad.
Saelben and his family were dead.
The stark reality was bitter and he felt as though the world was closing in around him. He had been glad when Halbarad and Dorlas had fallen asleep so that he no longer had to hear the tales of the carnage they had witnessed.
Aragorn felt guilty for placing Saelben in harm's way and even more so for the fact that he had celebrated in his heart upon learning that Indil lived. Tears, scalding and numerous, were barely contained behind his eyelids as he glared up at the stars above.
He was seventy years old and for the first time in his life - he felt his age. The Dúnedain had a much longer life span than that of lesser men and they aged in appearance far more slowly as well. Although dark-haired and smooth-faced, his stormy blue-grey eyes announced that he had seen more than most would ever experience if given several lifetimes. An aura of authority and wisdom fell over him and few could bear the full force of his gaze when he was in a stern mood or angered.
"You must not blame yourself for this calamity, Aragorn. Fate has a way of defying even the heir of Isildur if it so wishes."
Aragorn nodded. "I understand that all too well, Gandalf. I thought you were smoking your pipe."
The twinkling sky-blue eyes of the Wizard shone even in the gloom. "I was, but it is much more relaxing when I am smoking with a friend. Tell me you have wearied of standing out here all night, I beg of you. Do not make an old man shiver in the cold."
A snort broke free from the Dúnadan as he shook his head. "An old man? You should remember that I know you are not some elderly scholar who enjoys fireworks." The rare smile on Aragorn's face died. "It is my fault you know - all of it."
Gandalf's hand rested softly on his shoulder and his voice was gentle. "You could not have known that Orcs would catch wind of a spy so close to their territory. Saelben was no fool and I do not believe he took undo risks. There was nothing you could have done and it is pointless to torment yourself over it."
"What about Laurelóme?" Aragorn rasped as he gazed down at his feet. "Should I not accept some of the blame there?"
The Wizard sighed and leaned against his staff. "You and Galadriel are of the same mind; it is no wonder you enjoy one another's company so much. Why does Laurelóme bear none of the blame for her own choices in this world? I can attest that she was fully appointed with a wisdom that should not be so easily pushed aside."
"She bore my child in grief and despair," Aragorn countered. "I sated my lust upon her in weakness and then I cast her aside for the one I betrayed. It was Arwen who endured humiliation, Laurelóme who suffered death, and it is Indil who reaps what I have sown only to suffer for it now."
Gandalf frowned and stroked his bushy beard for a moment. "Laurelóme knew exactly what she was doing when Indil was conceived. Your eyes did you a disservice when you looked upon her if you saw mere flesh; for you did not observe the brilliance of her fëa. She knew that mortal eyes could perceive only the fana that she chose and we know not her purpose in coming here."
Aragorn looked over at his old friend with great sadness. "You did not know her purpose?"
"It was not something which was deemed necessary for me to understand," he answered. "But I do believe that you should tell your daughter the truth."
The Ranger remained in the shadows long after Gandalf had retired still struggling with exactly what the truth was.
~*~*~*~
nín Brennil - my lady
~*~*~*~
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