Title & Chapter Number: The Elf in the Mirror 12/12
Author(s): - Author's Index
Website: Of Elves and Men
Fandom: Middle Earth
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: These are not my characters with the exception of Eruanno and I do not profit from their use.
Special Warnings: None - Yet.
Betas: Mayetra, Larian Elensar
Cast: Haldir/Elrond
Timeline: Pre-LotR AU
Spoilers: None
Summary: Haldir becomes ill and Elrond cares for him.
Notes: This story came about from several bunnies and my love/lust for Elrond and Haldir! It was to be a simple silly pwp, but angst is my middle name sooo it turned into something else. It is a story of love and the things that sometimes keep us from knowing how to love. Hope you all enjoy it.
[] Haldir's thoughts.
Chapter Twelve
Elrond went after Haldir this time. When he caught up with him, he simply said, "I would love you no matter what you told me."
Haldir was standing face a large tree. He turned and looked at Elrond. His eyes were dry but his voice was ragged when he spoke.
"I said that I liked what they did. Not all of it. But all that sticky mess that was all over my body was not human semen, Elrond. A lot of it was mine."
Elrond nodded.
"They didn't have to force me to do everything. I did a lot of it voluntarily. And some of it felt so good." He turned back toward the tree and started talking. "They didn't start out hurting me so much. I knew that I should do what they wanted to keep them from hurting Rúmil and Orophin. Then they stripped me and one of them…began to touch me. It felt so good, Elrond. I got hard even though I was scared, and then they licked me and I came. My mother and father lay dead not ten feet from me and I was moaning and writhing under the men who killed them."
The forest was dead silent as Elrond moved a little closer. He didn't attempt to touch Haldir nor did he speak. He just let the other elf talk.
"I didn't even cry for a long time. They all had me, one way or another. They were drinking and the more they drank, the rougher they got. I liked some of the pain too. It made me feel like…well, at least I was paying for what I had done, for enjoying it when they…" he paused as if searching for a word. "When they fucked me." The crude word in the Common Tongue seemed to suit him, though Elrond would have chosen rape as the word to best describe it. Elrond still just stood quietly.
"I hoped they would kill me. I begged them to at the end, but they refused. They laughed and did things to me and I still responded to most of the things they did. Then they got really bad, beating and using sticks and knife hilts and anything they could find to take me. One found my mother's hairbrush and used the handle."
Haldir still talked, his face impassive while he voiced what was worse to him than his horrible abuse, his shame. Finally he stopped. He stood still, saying nothing for a long time.
Elrond finally spoke. He too was looking away as he talked, as if he were looking into the past.
"I had never seen such abuse when we found you. You have no idea what you looked like. You looked like you had almost been flayed… well, truthfully they had flayed parts of you. A human could not have physically survived the ordeal you went through. We took you back to Caras Galadon and I took care of you. Celeborn and I. No one else could look at you for a long time. Galadriel took care of the little ones."
"We killed them. We killed them all and burned them in a huge pile like Orcs are burned. I was ashamed of my human blood that day, ashamed of what humans had done and ashamed of what I had so gleefully done to them. But I was glad they were dead. I am still glad we killed such vile creatures, no matter what they were."
"I thought you would fade, especially when you did not speak for such a long, long time. I had seen Celebrian fade in that manner. Her abuse was much like yours. She chose to go to the Undying Lands to await us all. You stayed and you got well. I think it was your brothers that made you live."
"I think a part of me fell in love with you all those years ago. I fell in love with a nasty, bloody mess of an elfling. I was happy when you finally started calling me foul names and telling me to leave you alone."
He reached a hand out and touched Haldir's shoulder. The blond did not move away nor did the flinch at the touch. Elrond had expected him to.
Instead he turned around and looked at Elrond with huge sad eyes. "How can you love me?"
"How can I not? Haldir, what you did, what you felt, those things were not your fault. Your body simply responded to being touched."
"I feel tainted by it, like the reason I didn't fade was simply that the Valar didn't want me there."
"They were animals, Haldir. You were little more than an elfling. What happened that night was rape. That's all it was. You have no share in any blame. You were simply a victim. Celeborn and I killed them like the animals they were."
Haldir looked away and said, "I feel like it shows on my face. And when you touch my scars, I am afraid you feel disgust or revulsion that you are bedding a whore."
"Your scars are beautiful to me. I touch them with reverence. They are reminders of your courage."
"Do you love me out of pity then?" Haldir asked.
Elrond reached a hand out and gently grasped Haldir's chin, turning his to face him. "I love you because I can do nothing else. Pity has never had anything to do with it. I have always loved strength, and in you, there is as much strength as in Ereinion."
He took Haldir by the hand and they went back to the small fire. They sat and drank tea silently for a long time. Finally, Elrond laid out his bedroll and lay down. Without saying anything at all, Haldir lay down in spoon fashion in front of him and they slept.
~*~*~*~
When morning came, they packed up their belongings, cleaned up what little evidence there was of their passing through and headed out. Neither said much. They set out toward Imladris. They had traveled many miles by nightfall and they camped beside a stream. Both of them desperately needed to bathe. Without a word to each other, they stripped and made their way to the cool stream. The sweat, grime and blood of several days was washed away by the cool stream water. Both elves were still almost silent, only speaking when they had to.
Most of the day passed in silence though it was companionable, not angry. They hunted and had coneys for dinner along with apples and a loaf of real bread that they had managed to bring with them.
They sat beside the fire after dinner. Elrond redressed the wound again on Haldir's side before they got their bedrolls out. On impulse, he kissed the bandage as his hand caressed the hip below it. Haldir shivered a little but said nothing at all.
By some wordless agreement, they both began to remove their clothes and Elrond lay down behind Haldir. He moved long silver hair and kissed the nape of Haldir's neck. He slipped an arm around the younger elf, mindful of the wound and was actually a bit surprised when his hand brushed Haldir's erection. He pretended not to notice, but his own body responded. He was careful not to press himself against Haldir yet though. He continued the soft kisses to Haldir's neck and then he moved slowly and carefully down to kiss his shoulder, letting his tongue taste the cool skin.
Haldir didn't move, but his breathing was uneven. He wanted to tell Elrond what he had been thinking about all day but he wasn't sure how. He had been thinking about how it would feel to be taken by someone who loved him. By Elrond. He arched back a little bit against the elflord and smiled when he felt that his erection wasn't the only one.
He still didn't say anything at all, just let Elrond kiss him. He began to tremble when Elrond began to kiss his scars again. This time it wasn't fear. He had thought about it all day and he decided to trust Elrond. He loved him. Trusting him was the next step he felt he had to take. He was centuries old. It was time to trust again.
He made a sound as Elrond moved down his back, kissing each little scar, biting and licking his tender skin as his hand caressed Haldir's chest and belly, finally tweaking his nipples to hardness before sliding his hand down to touch Haldir's silky smooth cock. Haldir drew in a noisy breath, and then Elrond moved down to the scars on his thighs and licked them with his hot tongue.
He moved very slowly back up to the rise of Haldir's buttocks. He kissed the brand, biting it gently as his hand still held Haldir. When Haldir didn't object or balk, he kissed his way over to the cleft of the guardians pale bottom. Haldir grew very still, but again, there was no objection. Elrond kissed his way down, removing his hand from Haldir's shaft to lift his leg enough so that he could kiss the little ridge along his perineum. The other elf's gasp was reward enough for him. While he ran his tongue up and down, he parted Haldir's ass, and began to kiss his way up to the tight opening.
Elrond paused to look at and kiss the scars. There were many, signs of the horrible abuse and scars from where he had been sewn up. He let his fingers touch the little ridge on one side of Haldir's anus where he had stitched him, leaving a little knot of scar tissue when it healed. Haldir made a sound but still did not ask him to stop.
"If you become uncomfortable and want me to stop, tell me. I would not do anything that you do not desire."
Haldir's answer was a breathless, "Touch me."
Elrond rubbed his finger along the scar, then touched it with his tongue. Haldir trembled. He licked his finger and pressed the tip to the opening, while reaching for the oil he had laid out earlier, in the hope of being intimate with Haldir this night. He poured a bit at the top of the crevasse and guided it down with his finger, slipping the finger slowly inside when he came to the puckered little opening.
Elrond probed slowly, wincing when he felt the nubs and ridges of scar tissue inside of Haldir. He ran the tip of his finger across his lover's prostate gland and smiled as Haldir cried out sharply.
"Did not know anything could feel that way," Haldir finally managed to say as he arched back against Elrond's finger. Elrond brushed it again, making the blond elf moan. He was trembling a little himself by this time. He didn't want to do anything to hurt Haldir, but he did want the younger elf desperately. He slowly slid the oily finger in and out as he turned Haldir over onto his back. He added another finger as he began to lick the salty, clear pre-come from the little slit it formed in. As he scissored his fingers, he let his teeth graze across the glans and smiled up at Haldir when he let a string of obscenities in the Common Tongue slip out. Somehow the words inflamed Elrond's passion even more. He took Haldir's length into his mouth and sucked him as his tongue teased the vein underneath.
Haldir wanted Elrond inside him, but was still hesitant about asking him. He knew he had to make this final leap, this leap of faith and put his faith in Elrond, to finally believe that the elflord loved him exactly as he said he did. That was as much thought as he could manage though. His lover's mouth was making everything too hard to think about.
"Elrond, I want…"
The dark-haired elf looked up and let his cock slip out of his mouth though he still held it with one hand.
"What do you want, my love?"
"I want you to make love to me."
"I am." Elrond smiled.
"But I want you…inside me. I want you to be inside me this time."
Elrond closed his eyes and thanked the Valar. He couldn't tell Haldir how badly he wanted to hear those words, simply because he knew the younger elf well enough to know that he would feel guilty that he had not been able to give himself before now. He hoped he could give as much to Haldir.
When he rose up between Haldir's long legs, he realized he was shaking as badly as Haldir was. He poured oil on himself a bit awkwardly with one hand while his fingers were still inside the blond's tight passage. He slipped them out and watched Haldir's face as he lifted his legs up and positioned himself to enter him.
Haldir held his breath and closed his eyes, preparing himself for terrible pain.
"Open your eyes and look at me. If at anytime you want to stop, tell me. I will not be upset nor will I love you any less if you cannot do this."
Haldir obeyed, looking into those changeable eyes. It hurt. He bit his lip to keep from crying out and Elrond stopped moving, but he did not pull back out. He just stayed still and whispered soothing words over and over until the guardian was able to relax his muscles a little. When he did, Elrond pressed deeper. It burned, but Haldir had been stretched so far so long ago that there was no tearing and when he was able to stop being afraid, the pain subsided and he found the fullness to be oddly pleasant.
Then Elrond reached down and took Haldir's arousal in his hand at the same that he began to thrust slowly. He shifted his hips so he found the sweet spot. Surprised eyes looked up into his. Haldir reached down and took his cock from Elrond so the older elf could brace himself with his hands on either side of him. Elrond leaned down and kissed the pale skin of his chest and then his lips as they rocked gently at first, then harder and faster as Elrond gave himself to the pleasure of finally making love to Haldir.
They came almost at the same time, Haldir just seconds before Elrond. They both cried out their love together, kissing and clinging until they finally had to separate for their own comfort.
Haldir smiled almost shyly at Elrond later as they lay snuggled together beneath their blankets. "If I known it felt so good, I would have been braver and let you love me sooner."
~*~*~*~
Months later, Elrond was back in Lothlórien for a few stolen days with his lover. They were on the outside platform of Haldir's talan. The blond was on his hands and knees and Lord Elrond was behind him, taking him slowly and lazily. Haldir felt very strange all of a sudden, as if he were being watched. Who could be up here without him or Elrond hearing them approach?
He looked around and realized that this was what he had seen that day in Galadriel's Mirror. The watcher he felt was himself that day years ago. He had seen himself and Elrond. He, himself, was the elf in the mirror.
~end~
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