Title & Chapter Number: The Elf in the Mirror 7/12
Author(s): - Author's Index
Website: Of Elves and Men
Fandom: Middle Earth
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: These are not my characters with the exception of Eruanno and I do not profit from their use.
Special Warnings: None - Yet.
Betas: Mayetra
Cast: Haldir/Elrond
Timeline: Pre-LotR AU
Spoilers: None
Summary: Haldir becomes ill and Elrond cares for him.
Notes: This story came about from severalbunnies and my love/lust for Elrond and Haldir! It was to be a simple silly pwp, but angst is my middle name sooo it turned into something else. It is a story of love and the things that sometimes keep us from knowing how to love. Hope you all enjoy it.
[] Haldir's thoughts.
Chapter Seven
At the moment that Haldir was lying in the grass, ashamed and angry, Elrond was on his way to Lothlórien to see him. He had no idea what he would say when he got there. He knew that Haldir hated him. He was too much a reminder of what had happened all those years ago and Elrond had a tiny suspicion it was even more than that. He knew that Haldir had wanted him in a purely physical way, that had been very obvious. But that was not enough for either of them.
Haldir's biggest fear and worst hate was not the bands of Orcs that raided the borders of his home. He was not terribly afraid of pain or even death. Haldir had a passionate hate for one thing: humans. They terrified him to the marrow of his bones and one part of him wanted them all dead. They had destroyed his life and raped both his body and his soul, leaving him with hurts that would never heal.
Elrond was Peredhil, Half Elven, and no matter that he had chosen to be one of the Firstborn, he was still half human. And he knew that Haldir hated him for it.
~*~*~*~
Haldir had gone back to his talan, angrier than he had been in a long time. He had made a fool of himself with the she-elf, and Haldir hated feeling foolish. He wished he never had to see Elrond again, and with any luck, his wish would come true.
He wished that Eruanno were still alive. He missed him every day. He walked over to his trunk and sat down. He opened the trunk and took out the single arrow hidden under some other things. He ran his fingers down the straight shaft and over the point of the tiny white head, still sharp enough to draw blood after all these years. It was the only one he had. Eruanno had made it for him, along with a quiver full. They had all gone to kill Orcs in the days following his friend's death. This was the only one left when the white-hot rage had left him and he returned home.
He had met Eruanno when the two of them had begun training to be guardians for the Lord and Lady. He had liked the handsome young Noldo immediately. His friend was everything he was not, funny, lighthearted, friendly to all while Haldir was dark and brooding, thought to be haughty and cold by the other trainees. The two of them had begun to train and hunt together in their free time and their friendship grew.
Once they had been assigned to the Northern Fences together, they decided to share a talan and their friendship continued to grow. Haldir made beautiful bows and Eruanno made arrows that while they couldn't be said to be beautiful, were certainly both deadly and distinctive. He used the best stone to make sharp heads for them and then dyed the feathers and leather in the fletching the most outrageous colors: bright blue, red, purple, yellow. Haldir laughed and teased him about his ugly arrows, but he used no other because they were as deadly as they were ugly, straight and true to their target when shot by a good archer. And Haldir and Eruanno were the best archers in the forest.
Though many years had passed since the attack by humans, Haldir had not had a physical relationship with anyone since. For several years, his body had not stirred at all and he thought that his sexuality had been permanently disabled by the abuse he had gone through. It didn't matter to him. He was content with his life as it was.
One day that changed when he and Eruanno were bathing in the stream. They were splashing and fighting like two little elfings when his best friend kissed him, just a simple touch of the lips but it ignited a fire that neither of them knew how to put out. They had hurried back to the talan, kissing and hugging all the way back, and spent a sunny afternoon learning how to love each other. Eruanno had kissed the scars and murmured sweet endearments as they had made love to each other, the first time for them both.
They had thought they had forever, but it was not to be. Orcs had attacked when Haldir was doing escort duty into the city, and by the time he had returned, all that was left for him to do was find his lover's body. It didn't take him very long to find the battered broken shell that had been Eruanno. He had buried his heart with Eruanno and gone on a rampage of killing that lasted many months and saw uncounted numbers of Orcs dead at his hand. When it was over, he returned to his post on the Northern Fences and never spoke the name of his mate again.
Haldir let the tears fall as he held the garish red fletched arrow in his hands. He had never dared love anyone since Eruanno had died. He never dared because he was afraid that anyone he loved would be taken from him, would suffer for having known him as his parents and Eruanno had done.
He hated Elrond.
The elflord made him feel things he had not felt in long years. He was sure it was just the call of his body, but he hated the dark haired elf lord just the same. He had never met anyone else who made him so angry. If he never saw the infernal elf again, it would be too soon.
~*~*~*~
Haldir saw a single elf coming as he watched from the top of a tall tree. He was immediately furious. What in the name of the Valar was he doing out alone like that? Didn't the fool know that he was putting himself in danger out there all alone?
He grabbed a rope and lowered himself to the ground and ran out to meet Lord Elrond.
A few minutes later, Haldir stood in front of the bane of his existence.
"Do you have no intelligence at all?"
"Haldir," Elrond smiled. "It is good to see you again. You are well, I see."
"You should know not to travel alone, my Lord." Haldir's voice was cold. "You are just inviting an attack. Lady Galadriel would be furious if I let Arwen's father get killed."
Haldir was shaking with rage at the elf lord. How dare he disregard his safety in such a selfish way. The thought never occurred to Haldir that he was inordinately concerned with the safety of someone that he professed to despise.
It did not, however, escape the notice of Elrond. He smiled to himself as Haldir ranted and raved at him. He had never seen anything more beautiful that the handsome silver blond elf before him. He would love to just hug and kiss him but he knew Haldir would likely put an arrow or dagger through him. There was no reason to tell Haldir that he was the only reason Elrond had ventured to the home of his in-laws.
"Haldir, calm yourself. I'm here and I'm safe." He managed to say this in his most irritating, condescending voice. He smiled when he saw the angry fire in the guardian's eyes. Glorfindel was right; he loved this one more than he had known he was still capable of loving. "Now escort me to the city, if you would."
Haldir could have very happily filled Elrond full of arrows, he thought as he walked. Another thought flitted across his mind too, one about filling Elrond with something else, but he didn't allow that thought to grow and blossom.
It was a two days walk into Caras Galadon. Elrond seemed content to walk beside Haldir, watching him stalk through the forest as though he sought to out walk a demon at his heels. His attempts at conversation were cut off my Haldir's terse one-word replies. Haldir just wished he would shut up and go home.
They came to the guardians' talan half way between the border and the city at about nightfall.
"We will rest, for I am sure you are too weary to continue at your age."
"Very well, child." Elrond retorted, trying not to laugh at Haldir.
They ate dried meat and dried fruit. Haldir found some soft down bedding for them and made one mat on one side of the talan and one on the other. He didn't want the old goat near him.
Elrond just smiled as they lay down to rest. He would have loved to hold Haldir like he had at his own home, but he dared not to suggest it. He was tired, the journey had been long, but he had needed some time to think. Glorfindel was right. He was in love with Haldir.
Elrond had been the most fortunate of elves. He loved and been loved by Gil-galad. Their love had been everything to him. He had needed nothing more when he had Gil-galad, and even though he still mourned him every day that he lived, he knew he was the luckiest elf who had ever lived to have been able to love the High King of the Noldor.
He had loved his wife, Celebrian, not with the passion he had for Gil-galad, but he had loved her deeply and abidingly nonetheless. His heart was broken anew when she was so injured and abused by Orcs that she chose not to linger. She did leave him beautiful children to love in her stead.
Then there was Glorfindel. He had loved the glorious creature from the moment he met him, but their physical relationship was not a lasting one. Glorfindel often likened them to siblings; old bored siblings, he would add sometimes with his most wicked grin. There were still days now and again that they were lovers, but not often. They had settled into the closest of friendships.
He drifted into reverie thinking of his lovers. A short time later, Haldir's scream brought him back to reality. Just as he had in Imladris, Elrond went to him and lay down beside him. Haldir seemed to gravitate to his arms as if he knew that the elflord was there.
Elrond smoothed his tangled hair back and kissed his forehead.
"Shhhh, little one, it'll be all right. I'll keep you safe."
Haldir quieted down and snuggled up in Elrond's arms. Elrond wondered if he would ever do more than drive away the terrors inside Haldir's mind. He decided that if that were all he ever got, that it would somehow be enough.
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