Title & Chapter Number: The Elf in the Mirror 4/12
Author(s): - Author's Index
Website: Of Elves and Men
Fandom: Middle Earth
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: These are not my characters and I make no profit from their use.
Special Warnings: None - Yet.
Betas: Mayetra
Cast: Haldir/Elrond
Timeline: Pre-LotR AU
Spoilers: None
Summary: Haldir becomes ill and Elrond cares for him.
Notes: This story came about from several bunnies and my love/lust for Elrond and Haldir! It was to be a simple silly pwp, but angst is my middle name sooo it turned into something else. It is a story of love and the things that sometimes keep us from knowing how to love. Hope you all enjoy it.
[] Haldir's thoughts.
Chapter Four
"But we do not want to leave you here." Rumil said from his seat on Haldir's bed.
"We can take care of you." Orophin joined in.
Haldir smiled at his brothers. "My keeper says I need more rest. There is no need for you to stay here. I will come home when I am well enough. The Lord and Lady need you in Lothlorien. The borders cannot be safe without at least one of us brothers there to see to it."
To his relief, they agreed with him. He had been in Imladris much too long, but he was still weak as a newborn kitten. He would be happier knowing his brothers guarded the safely of his home while he was here.
The days ran one into another and Haldir spent much of his time in Elrond's study and in the library. He looked forward to dinner in his room with the elflord every evening, though he would never tell anyone that. Arwen kept him entertained at times with tales of her brothers and even Glorfindel lowered himself to speak to the March-Warden now and again.
Every evening after everything was quiet, unknown to any but Carnil, Lord Elrond would slip into Haldir's room and chase his demons away by holding him through the night. Haldir woke from his peaceful rest this particular morning and smiled to himself at the familiar weight against his back. He realized he had gotten accustomed to the elflord's presence much too easily. He needed to go home soon too. But he found himself wanting to tarry here in Imladris.
He shoved Elrond away as he usually did.
"You are heavy and I cannot breathe."
"You whine, Haldir. Has anyone ever told you that?" Elrond countered.
Haldir made his pouting face. He never met anyone who irritated him like this elf! Why didn't he just leave with Rumil and Orophin?
"I do not whine, Lord Elrond." He knew he was whining though. He knew it and did it anyway, mostly just to get Lord Elrond's attention.
"Let us go walk in the garden, then, my whiny little invalid. Then we will have some breakfast."
Anyone watching would have thought them lovers; they walked arm in arm with their heads close together, seemingly deep in conversation. They were, in truth, still arguing but both were enjoying it much more than they could admit.
Haldir suddenly had one of the weak spells that had been plaguing him the last few days and Elrond caught him as his knees gave out. As soon as he got his bearings, he pushed Elrond away, anger coloring his face.
"I am so tired of weakness and shame! Just go away and leave me alone."
Elrond was wise enough not to push. He was also wise enough to know that Haldir's outburst wasn't just about being weak. He left the other elf alone. He sent Arwen to check on him later.
"I came to see if you wanted your lunch, since you missed breakfast. My father says you should be well enough to go home next week. I think we will all miss you when you leave."
Haldir looked at her, doubt written all over his face. She just smiled at him. She could see in his face that he really wanted to be missed, and that he longed for home. Arwen sat closer to him and reached for his hand.
"Now come back inside for lunch. Father asked me to see if you wanted to eat in the dining room."
"I think I prefer the quiet of my room. But thank him for me."
A short while later, someone knocked on his door.
"Come."
He expected Carnil with his food. It was Elrond. He had a tray with him. He put the tray on the small table by the bed.
"I'll leave you alone." He turned to go.
"No. Stay. I apologize for being rude."
"Perhaps we should talk about that sometime." Elrond looked hard at Haldir and sat in the chair by the bed.
Haldir sipped his tea thoughtfully, taking care to look down into his cup. When he finally looked up, his eyes shimmered with unshed tears. "Sometime, maybe, but not today. I can't yet. I just can't."
Elrond nodded, not sure himself what to say. He wanted to comfort the other elf. He wanted more still, but he wasn't yet willing to explore that idea too closely yet. Every time he looked at the boy, he still saw that broken and battered body.
He saw other broken and battered bodies too. He had ridden out with Celeborn to find the men who had done this. He had joined in as they slaughtered the men like the animals they were. He had been covered in blood and filth as they burned them and their possessions, even their animals. He had been a warrior most of his life but this was the first and last time he had taken joy in killing.
But it had not taken the young elf's pain away. Elrond had watched as Haldir had built a hard shell to protect himself, piece by piece. He had closed himself to all but Rumil and Orophin. He had not even spoken for half a year, living in his own world of silence.
Elrond took his tray when he had finished and returned with the last of the medicines he had made for Haldir.
"I think you will be returning to your Lord and Lady soon."
"I will be glad. Imladris is very beautiful, but it is not home. You have treated me well here, Lord Elrond."
Elrond smiled and left him alone.
The elflord sat in the garden alone.
"Elrond, what troubles you?" It was Glorfindel, his friend so dear that sometimes Elrond wondered if they shared one mind.
"Just some ghosts, my friend, some old ghosts."
Glorfindel sat beside him. "He is a hard one to love, I think."
"I know not if that is what I feel."
"You never told me what happened in Lothlorien." Glorfindel had managed to shift the subject, yet he had not, for they still talked of Haldir.
"It was the worst thing I have ever seen an elf survive. They had used him all night I think, maybe even longer. He was barely recognizable as an elf. Some of the seasoned March-Wardens ran to the bushes and vomited, unable to look at him. It took me hours and hours to patch him back together." Elrond tried to stop the hitch in his voice but failed. "I couldn't give him back his innocence or his trust. I couldn't give his parents back. I couldn't undo the horrors."
"You gave him his life, Elrond."
"I think he is still angry with me for that."
"He may be, he may very well be."
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