Title & Chapter Number: Heart's Desire 1/1
Author(s): - Author's Index
Website: Of Elves and Men
Fandom: Middle Earth
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don't know or own them, and I make no profit from their use.
Warnnings: Graphic Het Sex
Betas: Mayetra
Cast: Haldir/Arwen
Timeline: Before Fellowship of the Ring
Spoilers: None
Summary: Sometimes one night is all there is.
Notes: Arwen and Hal woke me up the other morning with this one.
Arwen loved Elessar. She had loved him since he had become a man. She had even loved him when he was a gangly child in her father's home.
But there was one that she had loved long before Elessar was even born. And he was coming to her wedding.
Haldir.
She had known him since she had run wild through Lothlórien as an elfling. Her grandmother had found her up on the northern border more than once, pestering Haldir and his brothers to teach her to shoot and to ride and a million other excuses to just be around him, for he was godlike to her child's mind.
As she grew older, her feelings toward him changed, but she never told him how she felt. She was afraid she would lose his friendship if she did so.
She was nervous. She wondered if he would come to see her before the wedding. The part of her that knew what she was giving up to be the Queen wanted to see him one last time. She knew she would be alone this last night before her wedding because humans had such odd customs, one being that she not join with her groom until the official ceremony. She had given him her love when she bound herself to him, but the humans had no need to know that.
She sat at her dressing table and brushed her long black hair. Tomorrow she would become a Queen of men and of all her people would leave Middle Earth. She and her brothers would be truly alone. Tears welled up in her eyes. She hoped her father knew how much she loved him.
She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice the knock at the door.
"My Lady? There is someone to see you. Shall I let him in?" One of her handmaidens asked.
"Who is it?"
"It is Captain Haldir of the Lothlórien guard."
Her heart lurched in her chest. She checked her reflection in the mirror. Her blues eyes looked huge in her pale face. She bit her lips to make them redder and pinched her cheeks. It wouldn't do to look pale and drawn.
"Let him in." She rose from the chair and turned just as he came in the door. Both of them stopped and stared at one another. Haldir smiled at her. His smile could light all of Gondor, she thought.
Haldir wished he had never come. He wanted to kiss her with an ache that was physical. He wanted to beg her to forsake Elessar and go with him to the Undying Lands, to be the love of his dreams. But he knew he could not, had always known that her destiny lay with the Heir of Isildur, the one who would make up for the weakness of his forebears, the one who would bring honor back to the line of Elrond's human brother.
His wishes meant little, he realized.
She was so beautiful. She had always been so, even when she had followed him and his brothers around with her dark braids flying behind her. He had loved her even then. But now was not the time to dwell on that. He was here to wish her the best. He would remain awhile in Middle Earth, since the Lord had decided not to travel with his wife to the Undying Lands, but he would not see her again after tomorrow.
"Haldir, I am surprised to see you. I thought you would be too busy to attend."
"I am never too busy for you." He was still the most handsome elf anywhere, she thought. She wished… no, she couldn't think about that now. It was too late for such thoughts. There was a part of her that couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to be kissed by those lips, to be held in those arms, to lie… no, she would not, could not think about him in that way.
But she did. She looked at his perfect silver braids and his mouth and those broad shoulders and she wondered if he could make her cry out in ecstasy over and over. She wondered if his kisses would make her dizzy with desire. She…
"Haldir, after tonight, I will no longer be an elf. I will be the Queen of Gondor and the wife of a Man. I am scared that they will not want me."
He meant to say something soothing and something general to make her feel better but what came out was not quite what he intended. "Anyone is a fool who does not want you." It still might have passed unnoticed or at least unacted upon, if she had not flung herself into his arms. She couldn't help but feel his arousal though he tried to pull away before she had a chance to.
Haldir was embarrassed to the marrow of his bones. He, who prided himself on his control, had allowed his body to betray him in such an inappropriate manner. With any luck at all, Arwen would not have noticed or would not acknowledge what had happened.
He peeled her arms away from his body and stepped back.
"Lady Arwen, I must go now. You need…you must… I must go."
But he couldn't seem to turn from her. He backed up until she spoke.
"Do not leave me yet."
"But-"
"Haldir, please, stay for awhile."
She looked so desolate, so lonely.
"Do you not have handmaidens to attend you?"
"You are my friend, Haldir. I -" She threw herself into his arms, sobbing like a child. "I will miss my father and Grandmother and Grandfather and you." She was sobbing one second and kissing him the next. He tried to let her go and back up, but she was having none of that. She held him even tighter.
"Please, Arwen, I cannot… this is. Arwen, you will be fine. I need to go."
"Stay with me tonight," she whispered. Her meaning was unmistakable as she kissed him yet again.
Arwen knew she shouldn't do what she was doing but she somehow didn't care. She felt so completely overwhelmed suddenly by what she would do tomorrow. She wanted to cling to her past tonight, wanted to find out what might have been.
She brazenly ran her hand between herself and Haldir, running her palm over his erection, smiling to herself because she finally knew that he did want her after all.
"Please, Arwen, I do not know how much longer I can do this without doing something wrong, something we will both regret."
"Will you regret loving me tonight?"
Haldir wanted to weep. He had wanted to love her for so many years that he couldn't even remember when he had not loved her. He had never joined with another simply because any other elf would not be Arwen. He knew now that was one secret he must not ever let her know; even though if he acquiesced to her wishes, he knew he would be bound to her forever. His heart had already bound itself to her a long time ago.
He let her lead him to the bed.
He found he could not undress or even move as he watched her. She slipped her gown off quickly, her eyes never leaving his. He tried not to make a sound as she stood before him, curvy and voluptuous, but he heard the low gasp as his eyes wandered down her body. They lingered on her breasts as she took his hands and placed his palms on her breasts. He gentle squeezed them then rubbed his hands over her nipples.
Arwen's hands weren't idle as she unlaced his leggings and opened them. Haldir moaned as his cock sprang free of the tight confines into her waiting hands.
"Arwen, I-," he moaned as she stroked him. "Please stop. I fear that I-"
He stopped talking and made short work of his tunic. He let himself give in. He knew that this would be his only night with her. So be it. He would love her the best he could. He removed his boots and leggings quickly, then Arwen lay down on her large bed and held her arms open to him.
He lay in the circle of her arms and kissed her again. Her breasts pressed against his chest as he lay with the upper half of his body over hers. Her kisses were as sweet as he always dreamed they would be and her skin as soft. He moved a hand up to touch her ear and smiled as she trembled. His mouth began to explore her face and her neck as his fingers kept caressing her ear. His mouth finally found the soft swell of her breasts and he kissed the white skin reverently as if he were a worshipper. The worship turned to fire as he found the dark peaks and suckled until they hardened and Arwen moaned beneath him.
Arwen had not expected him to make her feel like he did. She was desperate to be completed by him, to have him inside and all around her.
"Love me, Haldir, for this night, make me yours." She whispered as she pulled at him to kiss her again. He moved up and seated himself between thighs that opened for him. She shifted beneath him and guided him with her hand. He rose up so his weight was on his hands on either side of her. And he let himself thrust slowly into the velvet glove of her body.
She was more than he had imagined, so hot and gloriously tight around him, and he began to move. He leaned down to kiss her, delighting in her soft moans and whimpers as his pace quickened. He needed… oh, yes… he meant to take longer but his orgasm came, so intense as to be almost painful and so blissful that nothing would ever feel so sublime. He cried out her name as his seed spilled inside her and just when the waves began to subside, she began to shudder around him, her body pulling him deeper and prolonging his pleasure more than he knew was possible.
He lay spent with his head resting on her breast. He wondered what he should say to her. He didn't want to burden her with his feelings yet he needed to say something. He didn't want her to think he had come to her only out of lust or a baser need.
"Arwen," he whispered, "I-" She put a finger over his lips
"I know," she interrupted. "I have loved you since I was a child. I would not trade this night for all my tomorrows. I shall cherish the gift you have given me."
So she knew what this night was to him.
She continued talking, "I release you from the bond. I would never hold your heart when I cannot give all of mine in return."
He kissed her. And smiled.
"You have always held my heart and you always will."
~*~*~*~
Arwen became the bride of Aragorn the following day. She had chosen to live and die with the King. But she never forgot, never entirely gave up that little piece of her heart that belonged to another.
The End
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